Choosing the right person for your submission

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, MissS said:

This is such a good piece of writing and couldn’t agree more. I was beginning to think I got it wrong , but this has given me restored faith and keep to my guns.

i also had one that got angry I was talking to people here. Telling me I shouldn’t take advice , most were just ***ves. And after I learnt he chats and gets involved with people loads . So there was obviously a motive behind him trying to isolate me from the community 

 

Keep faith. 

Oh that's one I've encountered. Trying to isolate you from the community. Grrrrrrrrrr. Major red flag.  

I dislike the ones who are not transparent about what they're doing online either. If you're talking to other people, just be honest about it. 

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, white_rose said:

You had the grumpy day today?  That's a pity.  Sending hugs xx

No not at all my dear,always grumpy in a morning 😁😁x

[Deleted Member]

On 1/27/2020 at 3:54 PM, white_rose said:

We tend to start with a list of kinks or fetishes. If we have common ground, we might begin to dance around each other. Try to find out what we’re both about. But I think this is the wrong way to go about it. It’s like going to the supermarket with a shopping list and trying to fill your trolley with as many items as you can.My kinks and my limits are pretty fluid.

@white_rose your post has been so helpful to read. It truly has, especially the above bit. It should start with the connection, otherwise what good having matching kinks is if you find there is absolutely no connection? So many of the messages I get start with the kinky stuff first. I’ve not done a lot and some of it scares me but with the right person I am sure my limits and kinks, like yours, will turn pretty fluid. Choosing a play partner shouldn’t be that different to the way we choose our friends. At least for me. Is he a good person, does he care about me, do I trust him, is he kind, would he be there for me if things go wrong, does he truly want to know me, does he  make me  laugh, would I love to just go with him for a walk on the beach if kink wasn’t involved? Because if I am going to trust someone with my body and mind, I need to know I can trust them with my heart too. 

[Deleted Member]

I have joined this sight 30 mins ago and this came up... it seriously gives me so much hope for the future! Absolutely beautiful! ❤

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Graci said:

I have joined this sight 30 mins ago and this came up... it seriously gives me so much hope for the future! Absolutely beautiful! ❤

Welcome @Graci, thank you. Keep faith. 

[Deleted Member]

I have a hard time meeting people in general. So getting to know someone online has always appealed to me. But alas I find it equally if not more difficult. Most people never even reply. Those that do usually end up ghosting. How do you go about getting to know someone when you are ignored? Or do I just ask the wrong questions? In person, my personality is so strong that I can capture a woman with my eyes alone. But find connection past sex to be unattainable. 

[ey****]

On 2/22/2020 at 11:02 PM, GnomeOfThunder said:

But alas I find it equally if not more difficult

Online is actually really difficult.

I generally find in most cases for me it's supplementing what I do offline.  I think there's a few folk I have been getting to know a little bit over time and some folk I would like to.... 

[Deleted Member]

Red flags regarding pics up front ? That really is a red flag isn’t it? 

A Dom that is truly interested in you wouldn’t ask for phone play and pics up front ?

they would just chat get to know you and meet up on several occasions just getting to know you. Ensuring that the foundations are there before engaging in any play 

[Deleted Member]

12 hours ago, MissS said:

Red flags regarding pics up front ? That really is a red flag isn’t it? 

A Dom that is truly interested in you wouldn’t ask for phone play and pics up front ?

they would just chat get to know you and meet up on several occasions just getting to know you. Ensuring that the foundations are there before engaging in any play 

 

I would hope so, yes, but it seems that this is changing with the younger ones, who seem to feel entitled to having pics first. 

[Deleted Member]

On 4/23/2020 at 8:40 PM, MsWhiteRose said:

 

I would hope so, yes, but it seems that this is changing with the younger ones, who seem to feel entitled to having pics first. 

I cant see why anyone would agree to send pics to anyone they dont know. Surely the whole idea of online dating should be getting to know each other, once you feel comfertable with each other, meet up and see where it goes. Sending pics is something i would only do for my owner, once there was a level of trust built up and im ready to give myself to them fully

[Jinxy]

This post really spoke to me as I just got out of a situation that seemed eerily similar. I very much agree on the importance of establishing a connection outside of the matched kinks. Like you, I get inspired by my partner. When that connection is there, the ideas for play and my willingness to try new things come so naturally. Without it, it becomes a struggle to get into that space. And too, I want someone who thinks it’s worth the work of getting to know me rather than just what my kinks can do for them. 
 

At the end of the day, when the kink is over, will we still like each other as people? 

[Carnelian2]

7 hours ago, Jinxy said:

At the end of the day, when the kink is over, will we still like each other as people? 

This, really, sums it up. Without relating to each other as people, we come objects that form part of a contract. Now, some people might think this in itself is appealing but there is always the aspect of consent and relating to each other as a person. If I ask someone to give me something, then that is far more pleasurable when the person giving it also gets enjoyment out of it.