da**** Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 I am a pretty shy person but I want to become more dominant/confident but I don't know where to even start. I'm thinking that I need to be shown the ropes by somebody with more experience. Is this a good way to learn? How did you start?
Deleted Member Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 What a good step to take, reaching out.
Deleted Member Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 I am not a particularly outgoing person, but in the correct conditions I have found that I am naturally dominant. Not everyone is born that way, but this does not mean it is impossible. I gained more confidence through practice, mindfulness, and even a dream once. I recommend, as a starting point, look at examples of other dominant men. While porn can be helpful as a guide, literotica can be much more accurate. There are stories the Forum, which will give you examples of Dominants like myself. If you struggle to find such stories, take a look at my profile. I have mentioned the forum location. Remember, dominance is in the mind. Think of yourself as dominant, and you are on your way to acting like it.
qu**** Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 The important thing is to be true to yourself and not *** anything that isn't naturally you, I'm naturally quiet but discovered quite accidentally I have a dark side with the right person, still quiet but...
Vandalslut Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 Hi, dan1903 - glad you're asking. Just had a look at your profile - please check out the following links: https://www.fetish.com/topic/11135-grace-millane/?tab=comments#comment-49074 https://www.fetish.com/topic/11201-those-new-to-the-scene-please-read/ It can apply to those learning to Dom/me as well as new submissives.
da**** Posted February 29, 2020 Author Posted February 29, 2020 @vandalslut thank you for the links. It certainly makes you think a little differently. It didn't even occur to me about how this could be interpreted.
da**** Posted February 29, 2020 Author Posted February 29, 2020 @DanteReign thank you for the links. I look forward to reading your work. I will probably have a thousand questions afterwards.
Deleted Member Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 1 hour ago, dan1903 said: I will probably have a thousand questions afterwards Do not hesitate to ask. By all means, bombard me with your curiosity. Enjoy.
Phoenyx Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 I have found it helpful to study people. In your everyday interactions, watch for what lies beneath the surface. Try reading the clerks at the grocery store, next time you go shopping. But, don't stare. Be casual in your observations. What do their voice inflections and body language tell you about their day? With practice, you may soon be able to comment on what you see. You will be able to bypass the superficial question, "How ya doin'?" You will already know the answer. So, your opening comment or question can be aimed at bringing a smile. At that point, you should feel the dominant energy start to flow. Good luck!
Deleted Member Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 Just being facetious, “...need to be shown the ropes...” maybe you will be. It is a trite to say, “be yourself”; how can you be anything else. You are experiencing personal growth. Embrace it. There are literally hundreds of bdsm\kink archetypes. One size does not fit all. Your mileage may vary. I will send you a PM with a personal, humorous, anecdote.
Vandalslut Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 1 hour ago, ReifenMeister said: Just being facetious, “...need to be shown the ropes...” maybe you will be. It is a trite to say, “be yourself”; how can you be anything else. 'Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.' 8 hours ago, dan1903 said: @vandalslut thank you for the links. It certainly makes you think a little differently. It didn't even occur to me about how this could be interpreted. No worries - send us a PM if you feel we can be helpful to you. The people here who have replied, and many more, are genuinely interested in helping and promoting safety in the maze that is the world of kink. So send a PM if you are perplexed, you have friends here, and you're doing wonderfully well for a man who describes himself as shy.
Deleted Member Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Hi Dan! I've found the more experiences you share with whom you choose the more you will discover what you like. It's always a good strategy to make sure you constantly question not just your potential partners, but also your thoughts, experiences, words etc and reflect upon the outcomes. All the best Tig x
Deleted Member Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 On 2/29/2020 at 4:55 PM, phoenyx said: I have found it helpful to study people. In your everyday interactions, watch for what lies beneath the surface. Try reading the clerks at the grocery store, next time you go shopping. But, don't stare. Be casual in your observations. What do their voice inflections and body language tell you about their day? With practice, you may soon be able to comment on what you see. You will be able to bypass the superficial question, "How ya doin'?" You will already know the answer. So, your opening comment or question can be aimed at bringing a smile. At that point, you should feel the dominant energy start to flow. Good luck! This is a great tip. I'm always studying people I meet, speaking to strangers and trying to gauge the best way to reach them. I want to connect or impress a moment on each person I meet. That might sound manipulative but it's also a gift. Most people are craving connection. When you start to do this, you start to get better at reading people and then becoming more naturally dominant. People who do this are often described as charming. Think about people you know who are charming and observe how they operate. Of course, there's a fine line between this and being sleazy. But you'll notice the difference.
Phoenyx Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 6 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said: I'm always studying people I meet, speaking to strangers and trying to gauge the best way to reach them. I want to connect or impress a moment on each person I meet. That might sound manipulative but it's also a gift. "Manipulative" is a really bad idea. I dare say, that it is crossing the line! It's OK to use what has been observed, to subtly enhance the moment. Or, to make a simple, tactful statement, to test the validity of your observations. But, trying to bend strangers to your will---folks who have not given consent---can lead to being an outcast. At the very least, you could end up with "a bad 'rep'". Gift or not, it's a recipe for disaster.
Deleted Member Posted March 3, 2020 Posted March 3, 2020 1 hour ago, phoenyx said: "Manipulative" is a really bad idea. I dare say, that it is crossing the line! It's OK to use what has been observed, to subtly enhance the moment. Or, to make a simple, tactful statement, to test the validity of your observations. But, trying to bend strangers to your will---folks who have not given consent---can lead to being an outcast. At the very least, you could end up with "a bad 'rep'". Gift or not, it's a recipe for disaster. I think I worded it badly... I meant it's not manipulative. It's about trying to make a connection with people by subtly reading them and finding the best way to do it. Sorry. I'm not a fan of manipulation at all.
Th**** Posted March 20, 2020 Posted March 20, 2020 Hmu I'll give you all the "special" training you need to be a dom
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