Ky**** Posted April 6, 2020 Posted April 6, 2020 like others I've walked away a few times and then come back, possibly due to feelings of doubt maybe engendered by getting so far and then something goes wrong usually travelling a distance and then being stood up o things turning too controlling too quickly -maybe its the risk of this sort of thing
Deleted Member Posted April 6, 2020 Author Posted April 6, 2020 5 hours ago, GoddessRae said: Yes. why if you don't mind me asking?
Deleted Member Posted April 6, 2020 Author Posted April 6, 2020 I let my submissive side come out after an abusive relationship thinking I could find more that they must be more to this lonely demoralising life I had , Ive been exploring my submissive side for the past two years I’ve met some amazing people had a few good and bad experiences I’ve learnt a huge amount but I’m still finding that I’m just as lonely even more so than before things change people move on and then you get forgotten so I am actually contemplating putting my sub side to bed again and deleting my account since Fetish changed to the app version it’s not the same and there is nothing really holding me here anymore xx
Deleted Member Posted April 6, 2020 Author Posted April 6, 2020 5 minutes ago, Beau said: I let my submissive side come out after an abusive relationship thinking I could find more that they must be more to this lonely demoralising life I had , Ive been exploring my submissive side for the past two years I’ve met some amazing people had a few good and bad experiences I’ve learnt a huge amount but I’m still finding that I’m just as lonely even more so than before things change people move on and then you get forgotten so I am actually contemplating putting my sub side to bed again and deleting my account since Fetish changed to the app version it’s not the same and there is nothing really holding me here anymore xx its the cruelty side of it, when dynamics flows nicely then end up its big void. But its even harder to find someone you can trust again. Its just a sensation of mooring your boat waiting for your new sailor to take you to new adventure, it will itch you one day again....
li**** Posted April 6, 2020 Posted April 6, 2020 I did actually give kink and BDSM up for a good 6 months after a horrible/horrific first D/s experience I was a new sub only for about 6 months or so, so I was very very new to it all. I rushed into something not knowing red flags ect and I felt stupid and silly for not seeing them, hence why I gave up and hid my submissive side. But then I knew this was the lifestyle I wanted and needed so I did a lot of research and asked loads of questions then came back to the wonderful world that we call kink. Yes since those two years of being back I've still had some good and some bad experiences but the bad have made me stronger, more confident and know what I wanted and the sub I was destined to be.
li**** Posted April 6, 2020 Posted April 6, 2020 26 minutes ago, Beau said: I let my submissive side come out after an abusive relationship thinking I could find more that they must be more to this lonely demoralising life I had , Ive been exploring my submissive side for the past two years I’ve met some amazing people had a few good and bad experiences I’ve learnt a huge amount but I’m still finding that I’m just as lonely even more so than before things change people move on and then you get forgotten so I am actually contemplating putting my sub side to bed again and deleting my account since Fetish changed to the app version it’s not the same and there is nothing really holding me here anymore xx 😥😥 Beautiful lady 💜 you know where I am if you ever want to talk.
Deleted Member Posted April 7, 2020 Author Posted April 7, 2020 I feel like I can endure the itch... eventually it goes away. What I can't endure is the emotional *** when a dynamic ends. Why is it so much harder to extricate yourself from a dynamic than from a vanilla relationship?
ey**** Posted April 7, 2020 Posted April 7, 2020 11 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said: I feel like I can endure the itch... eventually it goes away. What I can't endure is the emotional *** when a dynamic ends. Why is it so much harder to extricate yourself from a dynamic than from a vanilla relationship? I think I know this one. I've never seen people as replaceable in any walk of life - but - as the *** from a vanilla break up subsides you can kinda start to see other folk in different lights and it feels like a new relationship could come and/or you can withdraw to not being in a relationship a kink relationship we often feel like there's nobody quite like this person - and - we're aware that good kinky people are in short supply in the wider shape of society - plus add in something which is often more intense - it can feel somewhat like something special has been lost.
Deleted Member Posted April 7, 2020 Author Posted April 7, 2020 4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: I think I know this one. I've never seen people as replaceable in any walk of life - but - as the *** from a vanilla break up subsides you can kinda start to see other folk in different lights and it feels like a new relationship could come and/or you can withdraw to not being in a relationship a kink relationship we often feel like there's nobody quite like this person - and - we're aware that good kinky people are in short supply in the wider shape of society - plus add in something which is often more intense - it can feel somewhat like something special has been lost. Thank you @eyemblacksheep I think you've described it well. Finding a certain kinky someone who 'gets' you... and then the time you invest in getting familiar with each other's kinks and turn ons... when that ends, it can feel like such a loss. If we've been around the blocks a few times, we know how rare it is to have that connection.
Nikki_Hexy Posted April 7, 2020 Posted April 7, 2020 29 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said: I feel like I can endure the itch... eventually it goes away. What I can't endure is the emotional *** when a dynamic ends. Why is it so much harder to extricate yourself from a dynamic than from a vanilla relationship? I feel that it comes down to the 4 cornerstones of BDSM. Don't get me wrong a Vanilla relationship requires Trust, Honesty, Respect and Comunication too but i feel that the roots of those cornerstones run so much deeper with BDSM Dynamics. As a sub i am not just trusting a D type with my feelings, but also my safety and wellbeing during play or even the whole lifestyle. In BDSM i truely believe in the right Dynamic that two become one with give and take, Needs and Expectations.
ey**** Posted April 7, 2020 Posted April 7, 2020 41 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said: Thank you @eyemblacksheep I think you've described it well. Finding a certain kinky someone who 'gets' you... and then the time you invest in getting familiar with each other's kinks and turn ons... when that ends, it can feel like such a loss. If we've been around the blocks a few times, we know how rare it is to have that connection. I think as well - it's not just a relationship that is lost, but progress and invested time and emotions. Like, I'm not saying that vanilla relationships lack any form of investment - but certainly it's different A Dominant might be spending time "training" the sub to meet their likes or 'standards', coming up with bespoke rules and overseeing their development - especially if this is someone new to this type of relationship A submissive might, again, be taking the time to learn what makes their Dominant tick, what they expect and also kinda their own journey especially if they're doing things that were previously limits or ideas they'd not thought about Some of the magic is also lost.
Deleted Member Posted April 7, 2020 Author Posted April 7, 2020 @Hexy yes! Awww I feel sad now. Trust, Honesty, Respect & Communication are beautiful and I think they do run deeper in BDSM relationships. In my own experience, they do.
Deleted Member Posted April 7, 2020 Author Posted April 7, 2020 (edited) Maybe we invest more quickly with D/s relationship as if it’s going to end too soon. Also the mix with sexual play and kink induced sessions play a huge part into the cerebral connections. In a vanilla set up you only work with love and sex. It’s a normal format that people are used to and expect to experience. We, kinksters, play with fire, hard sweat, ropes, impact play! When all stopped it’s a big crash Edited April 7, 2020 by Deleted Member
Ky**** Posted April 8, 2020 Posted April 8, 2020 22 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said: I feel like I can endure the itch... eventually it goes away. What I can't endure is the emotional *** when a dynamic ends. Why is it so much harder to extricate yourself from a dynamic than from a vanilla relationship? is it? I've not noticed the difference, both hurt
Deleted Member Posted April 8, 2020 Author Posted April 8, 2020 3 hours ago, Kymi said: is it? I've not noticed the difference, both hurt Both hurt. I agree.
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