Your opinion to help someone new.

[Deleted Member]

GBH , arrest , courts and prison! Men are soon going to find themselves skating on thin ice especially with the recent news events and it’s C ....s like this that will drown us all by pushing us apart. Most importantly is she ok and has she been treated for her wounds?

[Ki****]

Having heard even more to this story, it upsets me that someone like this calls himself a Dom and Master. It’s an insult to the community. The man instructed her to do a task that could have resulted in great harm physically and sexually. And for refusing to place herself in harms way he beats her, ignoring her safe words, deeming safe words bad in themselves requiring further punishment.  He’s gone beyond all boundaries and demands she see him for an equal beating for 14 days straight and only after that time he says he would release her from his command. 

 

This man needs to be arrested. This man is in the position to treat others in this way and needs to be stopped. 

[Deleted Member]

It's assault, *** of power, controlling you're friend as such needs urgent help and assistance, so please do everything in your power to assist her to safety.

[Ma****]

It should've been enough that she wanted out. That's where it should've ended. Taking advantage of her naivety is still a *** of her consent.

On top of that, ignoring safe words is far beyond just crossing the line. This "punishment" was nothing short of ***.

Do what you can to convince her to get out of that situation. Let her know that she has no further obligations to this shameful excuse of a dominant.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with everything already said

[pomonagirl]

having to be beat to be "released" from a relationship? that is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard. this is not BDSM...it's ***.

[Deleted Member]

Sounds like assault to me.

Yet from some of my own life experiences. I wonder if she feels responsible. I am not saying she is. Just reflecting my own tendencies to blame myself and ignore red flags.

He sounds like an ***r. As a ‘submissive’, still working out of that’s what I am, I think there is a vulnerability from a dynamic that can leave a sub open to ***. That willingness to please, wanting to relinquish the self.

It’s something I’m working on.

I think forums like this, where you can reach out and check in are great for helping to become a stronger submissive  and help to keep safe.

I hope chatting with you is helping her stay strong enough not to go back.

She should consider the police, as I am sure she will not be his first nor last victim.

 

[ey****]

funnily enough

I'm writing a blog about punishments - and - I say to be wary of Dominants who hide behind "it's just BDSM/punishment" as an excuse for *** - and this is exactly what this is

His hope is that 3-4 days in she will not be able to take this any more and no longer leave him

[ol****]

Well you all know what I'm going to say but since SirGreen asked for a vox pop then:

This is assault pure and simple. It's not D/s.

Reading the opening post made my *** boil.

[Si****]

Firstly, Thank you everyone for sharing your opinions on this situation. I have been asked by the young lady in question to thank you all for helping her see what others thought.

Update... The thing (i wont call him a man) has been arrested and is being charged with ABH. The young lady has been to hospital and received medical treatment. She will be fine. It was the comments made here that helped her find the courage to report it. I will be keeping in contact with her and helping where i can so she is not alone.

[cautiousswitch]

First of all, not a real D.  If his ego is so fragile that he must punish anyone who wishes to leave him then he isn't dominant.

Second, she went back to see him of her own free will - with the understanding that any previously used safe words would be honoured by him.  So no, this was not consensual.  Her mistake was not seeking advice before going back.  By being "someone new" I'm going to assume that you mean she is new to BDSM, so maybe he convinced her that a beating to be released is commonplace.  This may make her feel foolish for a long time which is good if it teaches her to be more careful in the future, but she shouldn't feel guilty.

His two most likely defenses if he doesn't admit guilt will be wither consent or an attempt to humiliate her (I read this after the update of the arrest was posted).  Finding someone with more experience who can clearly explain to a court what consent means and is willing to do so may help.  His attitude from the beginning seems to have been revenge for her leaving him; she does not want him to walk free.  

[Ar****]

2 hours ago, SirGreen said:

Firstly, Thank you everyone for sharing your opinions on this situation. I have been asked by the young lady in question to thank you all for helping her see what others thought.

Update... The thing (i wont call him a man) has been arrested and is being charged with ABH. The young lady has been to hospital and received medical treatment. She will be fine. It was the comments made here that helped her find the courage to report it. I will be keeping in contact with her and helping where i can so she is not alone.

Thank you for the update... I just tried to pop you a DM to express myself a little more personally but message filters got in the way. I'm certainly relieved the matter has gone this way and glad that you are keeping in touch to support her. It takes strength to do what she did, and I hope that will help her as she moves forward from this awful business. 

[Si****]

11 hours ago, cautiousswitch said:

First of all, not a real D.  If his ego is so fragile that he must punish anyone who wishes to leave him then he isn't dominant.

Second, she went back to see him of her own free will - with the understanding that any previously used safe words would be honoured by him.  So no, this was not consensual.  Her mistake was not seeking advice before going back.  By being "someone new" I'm going to assume that you mean she is new to BDSM, so maybe he convinced her that a beating to be released is commonplace.  This may make her feel foolish for a long time which is good if it teaches her to be more careful in the future, but she shouldn't feel guilty.

His two most likely defenses if he doesn't admit guilt will be wither consent or an attempt to humiliate her (I read this after the update of the arrest was posted).  Finding someone with more experience who can clearly explain to a court what consent means and is willing to do so may help.  His attitude from the beginning seems to have been revenge for her leaving him; she does not want him to walk free.  

She did not go back to see him. as far as she was concurred, it was over. She was staying away from him. He found her. I’m not going into details however the beatings were not something planned or agreed to. She had been asking advice from someone but for someone new to BDSM, she first had to build trust with that someone to feel comfortable with to ask for help about what to do.

Sadly what she suffered from came just just before she felt ready to speak about it. Fortunately she got good advice and she is now having it dealt with. 

 

[cautiousswitch]

1 hour ago, SirGreen said:

She did not go back to see him. as far as she was concurred, it was over. She was staying away from him. He found her.

 

This is not what you originally said.

[Si****]

5 minutes ago, cautiousswitch said:

This is not what you originally said.

That’s right, at the time of posting the original post, I was mistaken in thinking she had.
The circumstances at the time, she was asking me for advice and I told her what I thought. I don’t think I know everything so with her permitions it was agreed that I would ask others opinions so she can see if what I said was reflective of the majority,

it was only after posting that I learned more details of what had happened. Please remember things happened fast and in a matter of hours.

As that aspect of the situation was not the primary reason of the opinions being asked for, I saw no reason in correcting it. I posted detail in a nutshell so the finer detail were not clear or posted. But thank you for pointing the error out. X

[cautiousswitch]

7 minutes ago, SirGreen said:

That’s right, at the time of posting the original post, I was mistaken in thinking she had.

That makes it a different story.

He still may try to use their past relationship to build some sort of consent defense.  A good prosecutor can tear that argument to shreds, but if it comes to trial she should be prepared for questions meant to attack her character.

It also makes the idea of his seeking revenge even more plausible.  She should have a backup plan.  Find a friend that he doesn't know about that she can take shelter from if he gets out on bail or somehow doesn't get convicted.

[Wo****]

@SirGreen 

Respect to her, and you...

I wish her strength and courage (which, it seems, she has in bucket loads)

He wasn't a Dom, he's scum. A weak bully. 

 

I can't offer any practical help but I do give moral support and respect for her standing up for herself, and other submissives.

Just a thought... if this vile creature is on this site, get her to report him.

 

Wishing you both, especially her, strength and comfort 🙏

[Th****]

This was the Forum at its very best. Applying lived experience and empathy to help a fellow member of the community escape a dangerous situation.

Sir Green, brilliant job mate, I know you certainly did not do this for praise but hell you deserve it for not just walking by.

Everyone, you all prove what a great community this can be.

[Pennypecker]

Edit* I just realized I commented before reading page 2 and I am so glad that the update says the monster was arrested and the sub is getting medical care! 

 

Not that you really need more comments but 1000% its *** and assault! If she can manage to file a police report that may protect others down the line and help her get some closure! Additionally I agree with the suggestion for a kink friendly therapist she may need to need to work through this with a professional 

Edited March 21, 2021 by Pennypecker

[Deleted Member]

I’m very glad to hear he’s been arrested. What a horrible introduction to BDSM for her.
She’s opened herself up to a new experience and he’s ***d her trust and ***d her. I hope she’s reading and in time realises that she’s strong for what’s she’s done, for standing up for herself - the blame, the fault is hers alone. It may be a rough ride to gain justice and my fingers are crossed for her.

[Deleted Member]

Sunday at 07:48 PM, Curvykate said:

I’m very glad to hear he’s been arrested. What a horrible introduction to BDSM for her.
She’s opened herself up to a new experience and he’s ***d her trust and ***d her. I hope she’s reading and in time realises that she’s strong for what’s she’s done, for standing up for herself - the blame, the fault is hers alone. It may be a rough ride to gain justice and my fingers are crossed for her.

I’ve just re-read this and hope that people read it as I intended “the fault, the blame is HIS alone”. 😕

[Si****]

2 hours ago, Curvykate said:

I’ve just re-read this and hope that people read it as I intended “the fault, the blame is HIS alone”. 😕

lol its ok, we could see it was meant as HE not hers. xx

[Deleted Member]

54 minutes ago, SirGreen said:

lol its ok, we could see it was meant as HE not hers. xx

🙈I would hate for anyone to think I’d put any blame on her.

[Deleted Member]

Don't worry @Curvykate I knew what you meant as I'm sure every else did. Bit of a *** not being able to edit posts after a set time period although a quick message to a mod and I'm sure they would have fixed it for you. :-)

 

This was a dreadful situation and I'm horrified by it. It has nothing to do with fetish or kink, it is plain ***. This can happen in any relationship regardless of whether vanilla or kink and should not be tolerated. After talking to my ex's and friends over the years some of them had gone through similar levels of *** (from both male and females) and they were in vanilla relationships. I suspect the guy in question would have been equally abusive even in a vanilla relationship but suspect he was using his Dom role as cover for his nature.

 

I don't wish to diminish the situation of the poor girl in any way but I did go through something similar when I was 20 with a Master that overstepped the bounds and I'm still suffering both physically and mentally 30+ yrs later although thankfully I met a wonderful partner shortly afterwards who saw me through it (and helped me limit the negative affects). I wish the girl involved my deepest sympathies but also to pray she finds somebody that can give her the love, understanding and support I got. There are more good people out there than there are bad in my experience so let us hope she finds a truly loving partner soon.

 

 

 

 

Edited March 27, 2021 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

This so called Dom crossed all boundries possible. This sounds like serious physical ***, a crime.