Initial meets

[Deleted Member]

Personally myself I spend a considerable amount of time taking online, about a person in general, I will discuss kinks and full alignment is not necessary but chemistry and connection is.
Only after some time will I meet in a public place for a social (friendly drinks and some food) for a general friendly hang out to see if the “online” version clicks with me in real life.
Then I generally take a play partner dynamic after negotiations and lengthy discussions to make sure both parties are happy and in agreement as communication are key

[Deleted Member]

59 minutes ago, Zash said:

My experience…. If you already met the person “vanilla” way at least 2/3 times and you discussed common or uncommon interests .. you should already have a vibe about him . Trust is the most important . I wouldn’t go to CNC without even knowing how he would be in a scene …. I would suggest no restraints at the first meeting … make sure you are in a state that if you want you can walk away . Never your house . This is your safe place . I would suggest going gradually , step by step , is no rush  and I am sure that he would understand this if he really wants you

ask yourself a question … can I trust this person with my body and can I trust that he will stop when I ask him to stop … 
 

Better be safe than sorry …

Agreed on the 2/3 meets in a vanilla setting before anything.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks guys, really appreciate the comments but I'm NOT talking about first vanilla meets, I mean the first 'session' and how to do that safely when you know they have cnc kinks. After the conversation I had with that lady last night, it just made me realise how easy it would be for someone to completely disregard boundaries once alone in a secluded place and that's quite concerning. I'm feeling alot more confident in knowing that if they can't respect my pace, that's not okay. Thankyou for sharing your opinions and experiences. It really helps x

[Deleted Member]

In my opinion do not get involved with someone who’s not experienced in cnc play. 
have a look at his profile, how long he’s been in the scene. 
Ask specific questions related to safety and consent. 
Be very clear about not engaging in any cnc play at first meeting. 

ask if he’s ok to contact his previous play partners. 
Note any relevant questions he would ask about you and the scene you are interested with. The type of questions or the way he would ask might indicate his experience and his aptitude to negotiate cnc scenarios.  
as an experienced Dom I never engaged in anything heavy on first meeting. It’s about knowing the person body/mind reaction.
Some sort of bonding between both of us. 

then one it’s agreed that I would take over the full control then it’s up to me to direct how heavy it will go… 

cnc is very popular and a great fun but need to be clearly set up at the start to avoid mistake, misunderstanding, *** and end badly. 

[qu****]

As I've said you need to be totally sure of the partner and remember the all important thing, NO MEANS NO, if at any point it doesn't seem right use your safeword and if after talking about it you still feel the same your decision MUST be respected

[Th****]

As a Dominant I would not do CnC on the first non vanilla meet. I really want to know their reactions in a scene, their non verbal cues and body language.

On safe words, sorry if this is a little divisive, they don't make you safer. Having someone care enough to stop and hear your signal... Be it a safe word, hand sign or whatever does.

BDSM is rarely safe, or sane but take the time to learn one another so that once you do CnC you are certain it will be Consensual.

Play it as safe as you can, and be picky

[Just_A_Good_Boy]

I have just learned what CNC means.. but I don't think there's much I can add, as I have no experience at all in this. However, this seems like quite a more hard type of play I would say, so communication, limits, boundaries, safe words need to be respected at all times. 

Also reaching out to other people that have also been with this person would be good, and you can get their feedback on how the person was during play sessions. Best thing would be to ease into it and wait until you're truly sure this person can be trusted.