A SUBMISSIVE CHOOSES TO SERVE

[slaveDraconica]

A submissive makes a choice to serve

 

That is control. That choice will never cease. It isn't always easy, that choice. Some days are harder than others. Same for a dominant. Not every day is it roses. Do both parties still choose? Certainly. In my opinion, this is where total and absolute come in. I am a carpenter. A good one. Am I complete? No. I never will be. I will always be striving, learning, growing. So is every one of us in a power exchange relationship. Where you are today should not, and truly will not, be where you are tomorrow. For this moment, this very split second can you say you give total control away as a submissive? Can I as a dominant say this very second I have total control? Yes, we can. Regardless of the circumstances of life. Because it's not about the control we don't know or can't fully control (I can't control if the sun comes up tomorrow but I can accept it will) it's about the control we do have. If control is measured by choices, what we choose defines the total or absolute in our existence. If measured by choices, which choice overrides all choices? I mean, I am growing, so my total and absolute control are growing too. If this moment I choose to control with all I know and have, isn't that total? For me, it is total control. To me, control is not subjective. If it were, which choice overrides all? I must work, that's a choice I make. Is it more important a choice than being dominant to my submissive? If so then I do not have total control of her, or me even. My job has the control. If however, I have control over me, my job (just by way of example) is a choice I make. But not a choice over me, a part of me. Not unlike the shoes I wear. I choose which ones, they don't control me, simply because to not wear them will hurt my feet. It is always a choice. A submissive will always have a choice, and that is control. Period. What they do with that choice, however, is really where the rubber meets the road. Do you believe that doing laundry can be a submissive act? Or changing a tire? Or writing a symphony? If any choice, action taken, proves to control you by taking away your choice you do not have control and therefore can not say you can give total control away nor can you have total control. But, while a submissive may have to listen to the boss at work, whose really in control? If I asked my submissive to quit, I am in control. If the boss says to her, "Do THIS!" Are they in control? Or is she fulfilling her submission to me that I ask of her to do her job? Far-reaching? Not really. A priority of choices is ever present. Life is full of minute and completely exhausting choices sometimes. We make a choice to go on living, many don't think one thing about whether they would take their own life, but it is still a choice we make every day. Each and every one of us that continues to take a breath makes that choice. Maybe not consciously, but it is still a choice. But, again, what do we choose to give total power to, or take total power from? If it is towards one another in a given dynamic, we give all that we totally have at that very moment. That as far as we are concerned is as total and absolute as we understand and know. Will we grow? Will we learn and become more? And give totally more? And own totally more? Sure. Because we are evolving creatures. Moving towards (hopefully) a better and more fulfilled us as we move and work through the world we're given. What I own in totality in my world is more than I had yesterday and not as much as I will tomorrow or in the future. Total is subjective, but my control over myself, the world which I live and move in can very much be subjective. But to what do I yield or relinquish power? I can quit my job, I have control. I can end my life, I have control. In what way do I not have control and therefore total power? A submissive, they yield all of that, all that they know and understand, to their dominant. That is not subjective. It makes no difference what they're doing. Where they're at and what is asked of them. If they give that to their dominant, no one else has that control. We read everywhere, "I am submissive, but not your submissive." This is very true. Simply because a submissive is the owner-operator of a multi-million dollar company doesn't mean they can't give total control to their dominant. Are they doing what the dominant requests? Fulfilling the will of the dominant? Even if the submissive is making massive decisions and firing and hiring employees, how has the submissive ceased in giving total control to their dominant? Aren't they doing what their dominant expects of them? What is the difference between that and say, the dominant asks them to perform this sexual act for them. The submissive still has to perform, which is choices that they make in how to, and posture etc....etc....Wait! You say. The dominant gives them instruction, okay, but it is still up to the submissive to perform. To follow. And that is giving up control, but it is still a choice, to follow. Total is subjective. But control, and how we use it, that's what defines our focus, our purpose, our goals in life. On one hand there's the dominant that takes the control, by choice carries the responsibility. On the other is the submissive who gives up control, by choice yields the responsibility. How total and absolute is defined by each of them as they grow, and take or yield that control. Circumstances, position in the world, or otherwise cannot take away your right to choose. Which is ultimately the only thing we totally and absolutely own.

I hope you find clarity in this writing

 

Edited September 11, 2021 by slaveDraconica
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[Leisa]

It’s a journey and a decision that must be made every day. It’s not about losing control but about gaining self.

[Deleted Member]

Agreeing with Leisa. Reducing a Ds dynamic to control is missing the point.
We read so many dissertations about sub and control when the subject about dominance/submission is so complex or plain simple and so different from one to another.
It all depends why one chose the path of submission or Dominance and that first step will define the dynamic. I prefer myself using the term power exchange. You control a car, a dog etc, but you nurture, embellish, enrich a submissive path she chose at first. This is why communication, connection and agreement are for. She gave you the key of her mind it’s up to the Dom to open as many doors as possible.
Talking constantly about control is a negative narrative as if sub/Dom fight over, when we actually want to achieve something together.

Edited September 11, 2021 by Deleted Member
Misspell

[Deleted Member]

This seems to be a very long-winded/edgy way of saying we all ultimately are in control of ourselves and make our own decisions. This is embedded in the law of western society. Not quite sure what your point is…

To imply you can give total control to someone, ie they can make you do something you don’t want to do, is a breach of consent, so I don’t think anyone would agree that’s desirable.

I would advise reading up on the fundamentals of D/S relationships and how control factors into that as I’m not sure you’ve understood…

[ey****]

54 minutes ago, Woodfella said:

To imply you can give total control to someone, ie they can make you do something you don’t want to do, is a breach of consent, so I don’t think anyone would agree that’s desirable.

unless of course it's a terms of consensual non consent

and that going through with something they don't want to do is off-set by it being part of the scene or pleasing someone

[Taramafor]

Yes and no. You're forgetting "automatic response". In reality we make less choices then we like to think.

 

This is where incentive comes into play. sometimes even straight answers with corrections alone is enough. And sometimes a carrot needs to dangled. I am influecning everything you do to change your mind. There's nothing you can do about it unless you flee and are a coward. Even then that might not stop me.

Something comes before you can make a choice. Options.

What are the options for any situation? If you don't know the options then you can end up dong nothing. Which might not be a bad thing, depending on the situation. Then one person does a thing. The other reacts/responds. But is it "Choice" or "automatic response"? The more people struggle, the more it's automatic. The more people get used to things, the more it's choice. Control isn't something most people are good at. Let's be realistic about this.

Action. reaction. result. Are you an "initiator" or a "responder"? Both?

 

So what if you're lying to yourself? What if it's more "desire" then choice? Nothing wrong with that. Provided both eyes remain open.

 

Also, it's actually impossible to control someone elses actions and choices. This has nothing to do with consent. It's a simple matter of reminding them that their choices have always been and always will be their own. Not everyone does consent.

 

 

Agreements can still be formed though. If they're needed. IF they're needed. Depends how much the other person worries doesn't it? (or how blind they are). But not everyone is going to worry like that (or be that blind). I don't need your consent. All I need is honesty and straight answers (I stay very on top of this). The better you are at proper observation, the less consent is needed. It's all in corrections.

If for example someone says "You can't do this", my response would be "I can. And I did. You can accept that reality or deny that reality. But that is the situation you are in." And perhaps I'll add "What can you do" or "What do you want to do" or "What do you choose to do". It all depends. What people really mean when they complain like that is that they don't approve of what you do. I can. And I did. And maybe I will do again if you act like you can control me.

 

Be glad then that I remind others of the exact same thing. If there's one thing more then anything that's to be kept intact it's your own choices. People speak much of consent. But not enough of choice itself. Frankly, it's jumping ahead. The more you try to control a situation when you're blind, the less control you actually have. And chances are you will be more of a hypocrite if you pretend you know what you're doing when the situation is actually getting more and more out of control. It doesn't take a genius to do the math. That is clearly going to be a dangious situation. Like when someone sees the other person as a threat when they are being all blame and no responsability.

 

Long as I can hold a conversation with idiots like that I can factor in corrections. The rest will be cowards. And flee. Which only shows how fragile they are and incapable of how they can handle a situation. I say I would never turn my back on anyone, for any reason, under any circumstances (know the *** too well). Make of that what you will. The only choice I had to make was to choose to never do that. Cowards will always suffer to be frank.

 

So regardless of wherever I agree or not I will always face you. Even if suffering in the worst ways (it gets results and I get stronger from it). It's not a choice. It's a code. A belief in something to the extent that refusing that code is not even an option (and thus why it's not a choice). I'd need a reason to change that. And I don't consider that likely. Already did the coward thing in the past. Escapism is the path of self destruction. Blah blah yada yada. You get the idea. It's always ending the same way with people. And they always hate themselves for not handling it. I refuse being fragile. I choose to stand my ground in all things.

 

So technically, anyone (that is not a coward) can be my "dom". I'm always there for you even if not there for me. Which at some point (normally sooner rather then later) ends up with fair is fair. But the truth is we're BOTH in control. Don't ever assume you can just "give" that. Or even take it. You are always in control of your own actions and even thoughts. The only thing anyone else can do is influence. How can you get what you want without telling someone what to do?

 

Apparently, always do as you're told. Abide by their choices and even someone that does turn their back on you will be confused and want to figure out why you're so loyal. Honestly, I even find it amusing. It's always been your choices. But what if that's why things went bad? At that point they have to consider doing things the fair way. It's got to beat what happened when you was nothing but one sided. Ha.

 

Funny aren't it? How unfair leads to fair at times.

Edited September 13, 2021 by Taramafor

[RAMB]

I dont think I’m going to get in on this since i am new and a psychologist but i see that there are street wise individuals on here but that does not mean they are that intelligent?but opinions vary.