Learn to be the dominant.

[Jakdk]

Hi

My girlfriend is the dominant one in our relationship. But when we have sex she wants to be the submissive. But because she is dominant by nature, and dominant in everyday lige, it can be really difficult for me to be the dominant, as I am not very dominant by nature. Are there any who have good advice on how to become better dominant and how to handle this problem?

[ge****]

If you're not dominant by nature, you can't "make yourself" dominant - I know I certainly can't and the one time I tried I felt very uncomfortable.
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The key though comes down to you and your girlfriend and understanding each others needs and abilities - discuss with her what her expectations are, dominance can take on many forms, from just playing rough and taking control to a lot more subtle things - so you need to understand that first and see if you are able to find a way.
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Or is it just a case of she enjoys some "kink play" that you can indulge in without the D/s element, which may be another thing to consider if that would work for her - for example I don't have a dominant bone in my body but I can give a mean spanking when asked to without bringing dominance into it.
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Ultimately though it comes down to communication and being able to find compromises that work for *both* of you.

[Deleted Member]

I mean you could play the role as a Dom. However being a true Dom is something that is hard wired into you really. Atleast by a psychological stand point. Not saying it's not possible but usually what people want is already hard wired.

You could play the roll of a Dom in a roleplaying since although you might just end up being a soft handed Dom and would end up reverting back to your submissive ways as soon as you put her out of her comfort Zone and she snaps back to her Dominant posture.

You can talk it out with your partner and watch some rough male Dom porn to get ideas. Or find a local BDSM club and pick a male Dom brain.
Or if you are interested invite say a male Dom in to help teach you some stuff or allow her to get her rocks off and stay in the relationship with you.

Every relationship is different and there is no way of giving proper advice. What works for one might not work for others.

[ey****]

think from this perspective - if she is the Dominant - then - follow her instructions of what you should do to her

[ca****]

I would say don't do it, you're going against your nature and she's trying to be something she's not naturally. It'll be awkward and unsafe

[Pl****]

This isn't strictly sex advice, but I remember a time when I wasn't so dominant. I grew up very undersized, and was often the target of bullies and a social pariah. It took a while to shake my instincts for conflict avoidance. What are the things that changed? I think the major components of becoming more dominant are strength, confidence, and knowing what you want, and they all kind of fit together. Strength doesn't have to be physical, and it's different for everyone. You can have strength of mind, body, ability, etc. For me, it was a little of everything. I developed enough physically that I could fight off bullies and eventually caught up in size. I was always a bright kid, and not having to worry physically left me free to be openly formidable in that arena. Strength isn't about being equal or better than other people so much as being worthwhile yourself. You might be a musician, or artist, or have some other skill. Strength opens the door to confidence, so you can pursue your desires. Lots of people live their lives to please others, and may not even know what they truly want. Pleasing others isn't a bad thing (it's a great thing), but part of being dominant is understanding that your desires matter too, and having the strength and confidence to pursue them. It may seem like you're being selfish, but your partner can get a lot of enjoyment from taking care of your needs, so don't deny them that. Take some time to think about your goals in life and in the bedroom. Ask yourself what you're doing to make those happen. If confidence is an issue, work on becoming a stronger person, in whatever form that may take. I don't know your opinion on therapy, but assertiveness training might help if you're struggling. 

[bi****]

Don;t try to be something you're not. Instead try to work with what you do have to create a more natual, "authentic" and mutually pleasing situation. You have to find something about the sexual relationship that you enjoy and can do to her or have her do for you that you enjoy. So bondage, blindfolds, sensation play, and introduce rules for her when you, or she wants sex. Make her beg, make her strip, make her dance, and perform for you. But don't try to *** being "a dominant", just be you and have fun with this opportunity you've been given.

[CopperKnob]

7 hours ago, captain-kink said:

I would say don't do it, you're going against your nature and she's trying to be something she's not naturally. It'll be awkward and unsafe

I agree in part.
What I'd add to this though is that as someone who identifies as submissive in intimate relationships, i'm particularly dominant in everyday life and it may be that different people behave so for a variety of reasons. Personally I have a very emotionally demanding and stressful job and a family that have always encouraged strength of character/independence so I'm almost in a role that I can't escape due to other peoples perceptions of who i should be.
I don't think that it's as simple as making sweeping statements suggesting that everyone whose dominant day in day out cant be submissive in other aspects of their lifes

[Deleted Member]

So there's a particular game I think would be fun to play if you don't know what to do but you have to discuss it with her beforehand and of course respect her safe word if she taps out. Basically, tie her up or use handcuffs or what ever and ask her to tell you what to do, if she doesn't start lightly slapping her sensitive areas or spanking her and ramp it up until she starts giving feedback. I wouldn't go particularly hard because it's just not my nature but it will definitely get uncomfortable for her after a bit and she will feel dominated one way or another.  

 

Edited June 13, 2022 by Deleted Member