Bi**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 I’ve turned my girlfriend on to the idea of a bdsm type relationship, we’ve been dating for 2 months and we are starting to talk about a D/S relationship. I’ve had her read a couple books and write a couple papers on the topic of bdsm, my question to you is can you give me a list of papers for her to write to make sure she knows exactly what she’s getting herself into? (Need topics) We are both knew to the world of bdsm and I need as much help as I can get. Honestly I’m more into the psychological aspect of it all at least for now, the dynamic between dom and sub is at the least SO interesting to me. I’m learning the kinks I like and so far they are all  psychological kinks, like limiting her talking in public and asking my permission in public if she can talk. Or her not being able to wear panties to work (that one being more physical I guess) Any help as to how to make sure she knows what she’s getting herself into, and me for that matter is welcome.
ey**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 I'm not entirely sure why you are getting her to write things making sure she knows what she is getting into when you don't seem to know what you are getting into. I think it is great you have a potential to explore this together - but it is important you are also showing her that you will take this and her well being seriously. That, also, if you have an idea what you might like - it is probably good to let her research and find what she might like. For this to work it has to be a two way thing. For some of the psychological kinks - it is very important this is in the right setting. I'm aware of a case in a restaurant where someone had that dynamic and this drew concern from the staff. One of the staff asked the lady about it when her partner was at the toilet - she assured them everything was fine, but he came back and caught her talking to the staff without permission - which, well... you can see why this needs logical exceptions. A lot of that comes under high protocol play which... I wouldn't want to detract from, but I'm not sure it's something I'd recommend to beginners. It should only be really practiced in high protocol settings. Perhaps, I guess. If you must set her a new paper. Is to give a task of finding ideas on what she would like to try and how she would like things to work - with an extended limit to let her do research. It may be you are on totally different wave lengths which is best to work out a solution to now, than the relationship end because one or both of you is unhappy.
Bi**** Posted July 5, 2022 Author Posted July 5, 2022 Thank you that was helpful, I really appreciate you taking time out for that comment. So the solution to this comment is give her an extended amount of time to do research on what she would like to try and how she would like things to work?
Li**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 Rather than setting tasks (because you are both new respectively) it could be a better idea you both do your research, talk separately to people online and find threads that are relevant to your interests of common questions and community answers. Books are both your best friends too for fact and fantasy. Speaking to experienced and more mature couples, singles, kink relations etc will help and attending events even just to see what they are about and socialise and drink! I think once you both have some kid of start of ideas you seem to like or fantasise about then this is when you's can swap material and get into each others worlds. Just remember limits are new to you both too. Even if you's are experimenting, always be considerate and ask if the person is enjoying it and establish when you aren't too. It's a journey for you's both that should be exciting, not intimidating for either party. Wish you both well and welcome✨️🥂
Bi**** Posted July 5, 2022 Author Posted July 5, 2022 Cool thank you! We are both on board for trying out events! Excited to meet and talk to people for sure.
Li**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 55 minutes ago, LittleSoulTease said: Rather than setting tasks (because you are both new respectively) it could be a better idea you both do your research, talk separately to people online and find threads that are relevant to your interests of common questions and community answers. Books are both your best friends too for fact and fantasy. Speaking to experienced and more mature couples, singles, kink relations etc will help and attending events even just to see what they are about and socialise and drink! I think once you both have some kid of start of ideas you seem to like or fantasise about then this is when you's can swap material and get into each others worlds. Just remember limits are new to you both too. Even if you's are experimenting, always be considerate and ask if the person is enjoying it and establish when you aren't too. It's a journey for you's both that should be exciting, not intimidating for either party. Wish you both well and welcome✨️🥂 *kind of start even. The bdsm test on here and tests online I forgot to mention will give you's an idea of your kink roles too once you's have tried things to be able to answer the questions. Meeting people is always great. The first 2 times we went to a swingers club, we just got our tour around, little more dressed down, talked to others, drank, played with each other and were relaxed into it that way. Was nowhere near as scary as we had imagined
Da**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 I think that if you show her that you are willing to do research and write a paper about...something like what type of dynamic you want, it will show her that you are just as committed as she is. And will help you find your own limits and inner Dom, so to speak.. Definitely go to workshops in your area...
ho**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 Do you also have to write f**king papers on this shit?
savage816 Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 Should see this guy in lobby. Trying to jump balls deep into a piranha tank wearing concrete boots. You can tell what web pages he's read with a quick Google search by what he's talked about. Not sure if it's real or just a troll, but the potential for emotional *** if this girl is real is what gets me wound up. Bill. If anyone should be writing a frigging paper about explaining that they know what they are getting themselves into, it should be you. Many more experienced people have told you to step back and slow the f down. Hopefully you listen to some of them.
Da**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 3 hours ago, diemetic said: Bruh she wrote a paper? Wild hahah I have heard of this many times, especially with new subs that are learning...
ma**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 for starters why don't you train and research for yourself on your role and the dynamic. You don't know what to teach her so you are hiding behind busy work and having her write papers. It's like a substitute physical ed teacher trying to teach a science class.
ma**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 D/s relationships are not about kink. They are power exchanges dynamics. Kink and sex can be involved, but they are bonuses to a D/s relationship. Start slowly... talk about what aspects of her life (diet, exercise, education, financials, friends, family, social media, wardrobe, work, limits, living together or not etc) you'd like being in control of and in which ones she would like you to be in control of. Talk about what it is expected of her and what her expectations would be. Talk about how you'd go about if new topics come out... It is very important that you talk about as many things as possible.
Lo**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 If you knew what you were doing, you wouldn’t need to ask other people for a list of topics for her to write essays on. I suggest you do a lot more research yourself before you start controlling what’s going on here.
Deleted Member Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 🙄 yeah I think that the first response is the best... it sounds like you need to figure out what you're doing before going any further. Being dominant is a responsibility to care for and be aware of another's needs, limits, and being a master of satisfying another's needs. Do you have all of that figured out? Because if not, she can't take a break while you figure it out. Ethical play is always about two or more people sharing power. It's a beautiful exchange of trust and commitment and love. We develop ourselves, first.
Bi**** Posted July 7, 2022 Author Posted July 7, 2022 Thanks everyone, I appreciate your time and effort in helping us.
ma**** Posted July 7, 2022 Posted July 7, 2022 8 hours ago, Lockfairy said: If you knew what you were doing, you wouldn’t need to ask other people for a list of topics for her to write essays on. I suggest you do a lot more research yourself before you start controlling what’s going on here. There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking questions, especially if they are new. Someone else's advice might teach them something new or give them a different perspective.
ma**** Posted July 7, 2022 Posted July 7, 2022 Yesterday at 04:42 AM, hollywood787 said: Do you also have to write f**king papers on this shit? I find that comment very rude and mean. The OP has asked some questions and based on his responses on this thread, he seems taking in consideration others' suggestions. If you can't offer helpul or supportive advice, there's no need to be rude or mean. There are people who do write papers, especially submissives or newbies - regardless their role - in general, so there is nothing wrong with it.
Bl**** Posted July 7, 2022 Posted July 7, 2022 Find a Domme to train you before you mess up your sub.
ma**** Posted July 7, 2022 Posted July 7, 2022 3 hours ago, Blackbird22 said: Find a Domme to train you before you mess up your sub. Why a Domme in particular? Why even getting "trained"? Not all D-types have been "trained" for becoming a D-type. However, mentoring (which is different from training) would be extremely beneficial.
Deleted Member Posted July 7, 2022 Posted July 7, 2022 Hey man, there are limits which are different for everyone and if you are inexperienced. You should start with sth simple and then make it more rough and based on my experience everyone likes some aspects of the bdsm you should find what are the limits of you and your partner or ask a experienced Dom to supervise and teach you both.
Bi**** Posted July 12, 2022 Author Posted July 12, 2022 I honestly appreciate everyone’s on input. For the record, my girlfriend and I are doing great. Taking things very slow and talking about absolutely everything.
Recommended Posts