xe**** Posted March 18, 2023 Posted March 18, 2023 So my current gf is into kink. Years and years of experience. Like most women despises virgins. Have experience or get out. I have no ties to the kink community but parts of it are appealing. Spanking, wax play, bondage. I want to learn these things and find someone to play with but I have no idea where to start. Ultimately I want to be able to play with my gf. We're Enm so this isn't out of bounds. Its just so frustrating to be a man and an outsider. So the question is, where did you start? Have any of you faced similar challenges?
ey**** Posted March 18, 2023 Posted March 18, 2023 I'm struggling a bit to overcome the obvious your girlfriend is into kink and you want to get started with kink but not with your girlfriend?! Start with your girlfriend - tell her what you'd like to explore with her - ask what she'd explore with you - look at joining a kink community together
Lowvan Posted March 18, 2023 Posted March 18, 2023 I think everyone has faced those challenges. I do wonder why you say most women despise virgins? Apart from it being a generalisation, that imo isn't true, unless you mean you gf spefically hates virgins and then I'd still wonder why really. Anyway, I am confused. Your gf is kinky, and you want to get kinky experiences, so..why not with her? If you want to meet other people, your best bet is to go out to events, parties, munches and the like. Online meeting someone is the equivalent of fishing by throwing pebbles in the ocean, there's a tiny chance you'll connect with someone but it's pretty rare, and then it depends on who you are looking for (age, gender, sexual orientation etc.)
Vo**** Posted March 18, 2023 Posted March 18, 2023 This is a strange situation? She wants to be your girlfriend, whether ENM or not, but despises kink virgins? I think your only option is to seek out experience elsewhere with much less experienced partners, or just accept that maybe it isn’t going to work between you at the moment. Everyone needs to start somewhere, but it’s not fair on you to be feeling inadequate etc..
SophieSubSlut11 Posted March 18, 2023 Posted March 18, 2023 Her having more experience than you may make her the perfect play partner for you. Don’t be embarrassed to admit what you don’t know, it’s one of the safest things you can do as a potential Kinkster. She may help you find the areas you are interested in, and you can of course make the most of your ENM situation if her kinks do not align with yours. But you already have trust with this person and you know her, knowing each other as humans is the first part. Open up to your girlfriend, you might surprise yourself. Outside of that, start researching and find out what you are interested in, even finding out what you aren’t interested in is important. Have some faith in yourself, BDSM is gender free, there is no need to feed into toxic masculinity. You are a person first, much like drag, BDSM can often reveal who you really are underneath 🙏❤️
Je**** Posted March 18, 2023 Posted March 18, 2023 If you want to do adult things, talk to your gf like an adult. So many people are afraid of rejection in admitting what they like. All her to teach you what she knows. Starting a relationship with someone new based solely on kink is pretty hard.
Cu**** Posted March 18, 2023 Posted March 18, 2023 If you’re just now having conversations with your girlfriend about kinks, then that’s a start. If she’s the expert in this art, then she should help you to discover what would be suitable for you to know. What is her status, and what is she suggesting your role should be? If she’s saying get out, because you have no experience, then the relationship sounds to be over anyway, so you both lose each other. If you’re still talking, remind her that she didn’t know about kink, once of a day, and ask her how she felt about the process, and the ways that she learned to get to where she is today. If the relationship means something, she should be the very person to help you, so that together you move forward. If she’s saying don’t come back until you’ve learnt something, then I wonder how long she wants to wait for you, and where she thinks you’re going to do this, and with whom. It’s ok learning the theory, but you need practical implementation, to be able to be back with her. Is she a jealous type too?
CopperKnob Posted March 18, 2023 Posted March 18, 2023 I'm struggling a bit to overcome the 'elitism' for want of a better word. "Have experience or get out" Versus "I want to learn these things" The irony 🙄
xe**** Posted March 19, 2023 Author Posted March 19, 2023 She has specifically said she doesn't want to teach. Ask a woman what they think of virgins. You'll get the same thing over and over, they don't want to teach a guy how to please them. A man must know(confidence). Its sexist, but it's okay because it's women(I don't agree). Swinger clubs in Denver are terribly expensive especially for a single guy.
ge**** Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 25 minutes ago, xenosone said: She has specifically said she doesn't want to teach. Ask a woman what they think of virgins. You'll get the same thing over and over, they don't want to teach a guy how to please them. A man must know(confidence). Its sexist, but it's okay because it's women(I don't agree). Swinger clubs in Denver are terribly expensive especially for a single guy. Yet this from your profile suggests something quite different: . "current gf that's I'm in an enm relationship with. she loves it when I spank her, *** her, tie her to the bed, ravish her but she has a hard time keeping up with my sex drive and she's busy.alot." . Sounds like you're doing just fine based on that. . To expand your knowledge and learn more perhaps looks for local munches or kink events to get along to and observe/interact with others - maybe seek out online blogs or good old fashioned books to shape and enhance your knowledge. . As for finding others to play with, there are apps like this but you're in the same boat as any user in terms of finding those you match with and going from there.
sa**** Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 ‘Most women despises virgins’ uhhh that’s quite a strong sentiment
Ci**** Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 The only way is to meet people and build friendships. Make a fetlife profile, write a decent and honest bio. Find local munches in the event section and explore the site in terms of what excites you. Don’t creep on women’s posts but interact positively with all genders. Show an interest in learning but don’t display a sense of entitlement about people’s time and effort to help you. When you have made some connections bios up to play events and make some more. Respectfully express interest in playing following the rules of etiquette that you will have explained to you in your spaces.
ey**** Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 Ultimately - I'm still a little confused on the situation. Your girlfriend is into kink. You want to explore kink. She won't do it with you. But, somehow, you think if you learn elsewhere, she will now do it with you. Are you sure this is how this plays out cos this doesn't sound structurally great? Are you also *actually* into kink, or into the idea of doing stuff because your girlfriend is into it? Because that might explain her resistance.
ey**** Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 Anyhow. If you are serious about finding play partners and partaking in the kink community - then starting is very easy, but be warned this is a likely long road. Basically - munches you tend just to show up to. The biggest directory can be found by googling findamunch - there is also still the dying remains of Fetlife which is ok-ish for listings. But you respect these for what they are which is social events. You make friends. You get to know people. You share ideas. How things play out can be a number of ways, but if there are things you wish to learn or know more about there may well be folk happy to share. Some may be happy to show you. For learning you want to seek out workshops, rather than play events - some of these may involve a little extra travel but there's also an awful lot of information available online - just googling what you want to learn about - but, do try to find 2 or 3 different sources. It may well be by doing this, by going places, by meeting people, that someone will play with you - either one off or as a prospective play-partner - but go with the assumption that there are no ladies sat around bored waiting for the next guy unhappy in his relationship who "wants to try" kink. It's a long road. In some cases, depending on what it is you want to do/try/learn that you can s***d the process up by finding/paying a Pro who might be able to help you given you're paying for their time.
CopperKnob Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 4 hours ago, xenosone said: She has specifically said she doesn't want to teach. Ask a woman what they think of virgins. You'll get the same thing over and over, they don't want to teach a guy how to please them. A man must know(confidence). Its sexist, but it's okay because it's women(I don't agree). Swinger clubs in Denver are terribly expensive especially for a single guy. You know, not all women are the same. They have different perspectives on life, they have different goals, wants and needs. Just because a guy knows how to please a woman in bed, doesn't mean that he's going to know how to please me or any other woman. There is no magic formula. I know, it's some crazy shit isn't it!
Fr**** Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 I would recommend asking her more questions. Find out the specifics of what kind of kink she is looking for. This world is wide open and has lots of doors that she may very well not be into. Learning for her sake may open doors for you that you never even thought of.
Fr**** Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 Some questions… Are you looking to be dominant or submissive? What was something you’ve had in the past that you’d like to repeat? What things have you learned about that you would NOT want to do or do ever again?
Deleted Member Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 Despises virgins uh? We where all one before. People could be great learning tools to virgins. Show the the way. Have great sexual experiences. Mabey keep a better open mind💋
ey**** Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 9 hours ago, xenosone said: She has specifically said she doesn't want to teach. Ask a woman what they think of virgins. You'll get the same thing over and over, they don't want to teach a guy how to please them. A man must know(confidence). Its sexist, but it's okay because it's women(I don't agree). Swinger clubs in Denver are terribly expensive especially for a single guy. so if "all" women despise virgins - you're screwed - because joining the kink scene for play partners you will still be a virgin. Luckily, your hypothesis is b*llocks and women do not despise virgins
ge**** Posted March 19, 2023 Posted March 19, 2023 2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: so if "all" women despise virgins - you're screwed - because joining the kink scene for play partners you will still be a virgin. Luckily, your hypothesis is b*llocks and women do not despise virgins And if the part of his profile I quoted earlier is to be believed the whole thread is along the same lines as his hypothesis 😉
Deleted Member Posted March 24, 2023 Posted March 24, 2023 I’m going to suggest this: both of you join Fetlife*. Then look for local events and attend them. Extend your distance to 200 miles, which is a day-trip. Look for classes of interest and attend those. You may need to be vetted to attend them, but that will be explained by the host. For example: I’m going to travel from Indiana to Missouri this Saturday for a class on Fire flogging safety. I’ve experienced fire cupping, and fire foam several times, and fire flogging once. I enjoy the warmth of the flogging and foam. And the cupping is relaxing for my muscles, and is a Chinese technique that has been in use for over a thousand years. But since I’m interested, I’m going to learn more, and I’m traveling to do so. I’m also planning to travel from Indiana to the far side of Ohio and Tennessee for more classes in things that piqued my curiosity. Fetlife is much more varied than this app and is easier to use, in my opinion. I hope you enjoy learning new things that intrigue you.
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