Am I in the wrong?

[Deleted Member]

I have a boyfriend/husband rule. By that, I mean that if you're the boyfriend, then you don't get husband benefits. There is a Dom that I've been messing around with for about a year now. He won't claim me, but be wants me to obey him fully. I'm at the point where if he isn't willing to claim me then honey you're just the shoot 'n shoot. Is that all that wrong? Why should I actually give more submission?

Because of his rules I'm not even emotionally attached to him because there is no point and he deems me heartless for it

[Deleted Member]

You cant be like this for your whole life ? Find someone who can accommodate kink as well as be with you. Its hit n trial, until you get that special one.

[Ambdolan]

Sounds to me that he doesn’t fully understand the D/s dynamic and is just trying to justify that he is controlling.

[Ta****]

Sounds like a classic case of the fallacy of sunk time. Might consider cutting your losses, cause if his rules aren’t doing it for you, would you even want him to claim you?

[RainbowTea]

2 minutes ago, Ambdolan said:

Sounds to me that he doesn’t fully understand the D/s dynamic and is just trying to justify that he is controlling.

☝🏻 That part.

[StrictMaster44]

Definitely not in the wrong!! He's just using you basically. Get rid of him.

[yu****]

seems like an excuse to coerce someone into marrying you..kinda manipulative

[Deleted Member]

Traditionally, the submissive is under considertion until/unless they earn being claimed. What you describe here sounds more like a T/b arrangement than a D/s dynamic.

A power struggle instead of a power exchange. Did you vet each other? It's possibly just not a good match for a dynamic, or maybe you're best off as play partners.

Doesn't sound like either of you are "wrong". You just want different things and that's ok.

[Deleted Member]

Shit I would

[Deleted Member]

Claim u

[Br****]

It’s your submission you have a right to set the requirements needed in order to give it to someone. You’re not being unreasonable

[Sa****]

Seems like you’re not being fulfilled here. Move along I say!

[Deleted Member]

I think you’re fully within your right. Im new to all this but why should you give your all if he won’t? You are not heartless, you’re just protecting yourself emotionally. It’s a 2-way street. I’d use him for some fun but keep looking for that Dom who does fulfill ALL your needs including claiming you.

[Deleted Member]

You are correct. You hold the power, leave the dynamic if it isn’t working for you.
I would 100% claim you

[am****]

It's possible that both of you have some trust issues. Neither one of you is willing to take the first step in good faith. If you were in a relationship, then I would suggest counseling. But since you're not even emotionally connected to this man, I think it's better to cut your losses while they're still at a minimum. You're not going to give each other what you want, anyway.

[Deleted Member]

Doms don’t just get your submission for being a dom, they earn it by gaining your trust. If he isn’t being what you need then maybe he isn’t ready to be fully committed to a sub. I agree with your rules and if he is getting mad about it then maybe a conversation needs to be had between you two about what you’re expectations are of each other and if you see things leading anywhere. He shouldn’t expect your full submission if he isn’t planning to be committed to you fully either.

[SH****]

If ur not gonna abide by A dom and obey him fully let him go find A worthy sub that knows her place and isnt submissive by choice it aint about yall ladies 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

[Da****]

Nope you're 100% in the right!!

[Wi****]

That's a whole lot of "I demand" and not nearly enough "I consider another person's feelings".

[Deleted Member]

What feels right wins

[Fl****]

If you're not happy then leave the dynamic bc you can easily find another Dom who will claim and protect you as his. I know first hand

[Li****]

1 hour ago, Ambdolan said:

Sounds to me that he doesn’t fully understand the D/s dynamic and is just trying to justify that he is controlling.

Precisely.

You are worth so much more.

As a sub, mentally, physically, emotionally, wholeheartedly. You are not just a sub. If this is all that matters to him, HE isn't enough.
The dynamic, shouldn't be enough for you either.

Reality is, there's men out there who'd give their all to have every part of you and would earn that submission🔐
Cut and run ✂️

[Deleted Member]

Run away girl, he isn’t the right dom for you.

[Am****]

This is a hard one as I’m a male. You should be able to do please and I get your side. But if he nice to you and willing to try and maybe someday do what you want is it worth it. Also FlyinRyan this what wrong with life today! You don’t like exactly what the man dose so you think you should move on? What happened to meeting a person half way. What happened trying to help him learn. Know saying that if he seams like he never want to become yo ur husband I get it more. I’m a man we need more time sometime. It’s hard to know. But if your not happy then do what makes you happy

[ro****]

If you're not satisfied, take a step back and see. If it still doesn't feel right, I'm sure you can find something better