Reasons for being dominant

[hiddenvixen]

13 hours ago, inconceivable said:

Great question. I do really enjoy reading about how and why men are dominant.

I think their personal reason is extremely important.

[hiddenvixen]

17 hours ago, SINrzDream said:

Dominance isn’t all barking orders, imposing your will onto someone and being good at rough sex. There is way more that goes into it than that. True dominance comes from when your person knows and trusts that you have their best interests at heart even in the roughest of scenes. When you are able to take care of most of their wants and needs in and out of the bedroom. When your submissive wants to do whatever you want because they crave your creativity, imagination and ability to read them and give them exactly what fulfills them. Always giving them an atmosphere and environment to thrive in, let loose and be their truest self. You won’t have to take it… they will give you everything they have and then dig deeper and find some more.

I didn’t just wake up one day and decide “I want to be a dom!” My life experiences have forged me into this person long before I realized there was a lifestyle for it. It’s an unspoken Ora and presence that is felt by those around you. I’ve always been a low key alpha male. It’s in the eyes. Those windows to the soul revealing who we truly are.

Very good answer

[hiddenvixen]

17 hours ago, Baaz22 said:

Hiding my ***, I had heart wrenching experiences and being dominant/sadistic (only online/text) covers the ***. So it’s kinda the***utic.

You should try boxing/martial arts instead..

[hiddenvixen]

17 hours ago, Toxic_Meerkat said:

For me it's far too many things to put in a single comment but I will try to summarize. From early on I had a partner that loved experimenting and was more experienced then me. I loved tying her up and making her orgasm. It was such a wonderful feeling especially knowing that no other partners had made her cum before. We experimented with her tying me up but I hated it. Being very ticklish didn't help! I think with the partners I have had, it just worked. The idea that I'm in control takes pressure off the submissive partner, who can be shy or embarrassed to say what they want it enjoy. As a Dom you can let them to try new things and there is potentially no limit to where you can go with a willing partner.

I think the experience aspect is huge for sure

[Undersated]

"And love me still, but know not why; / So hast thou the same reason still / To doat upon me ever." - John Wilbye

I'll try to answer why I love dominance, but I might kill some magic in the process.

• I like developing people and leading them, collaboratively, to peak experiences
• The sights and sounds bottoms and submissives make under pressure thrill me
• It's a role in a relationship that I fill in ways that satisfy people who want to take the complementary role
• It's a nice change of pace from day-to-day corporate servant leadership

Broadly, it makes me feel good, and I make other people feel good doing it. My core philosophy is utilitarianism. Dominance is one of the ways in which I'm useful to the world, and so, one of the things that gives my life meaning.

BTW, the poem quoted above, Love Not Me For Comely Grace, is more than 400 years old and still rocks hard today.

 

[GL****]

1 hour ago, hiddenvixen said:

Very good answer

Thank you! You never truly know how people will take your opinions until you give them.

[GL****]

18 hours ago, DJH_13 said:

This is it!

Thank you! I appreciate that you appreciate what I said.

[Mx****]

It's very multilayered. I love the trust building, the willingness of them to please and my very natural tendency to take charge in that aspect but look after them too. I wonder if vanilla people even experience the complete immersion but constant checking on them in the mind, sensing when things need to be built up or softened. I like to guide and teach but also listen and learn. There's something very primal in it too, a natural need to both "maim" and "cure" simultaneously (there's probably a better expression) then of course there's the aesthetic factor as well, a woman I care for just looks better tied up or undergoing an intensity not found outside of bdsm. I find the afterglow better too, even in vanilla sex there's that phenomena where afterwards you feel closer and more free, like a weight is lifted, but this is intensified if what came before it was itself more intense. As degredation is part of my thing, I love the mutual trust of letting the dark side of my mind take over and saying all sorts of horrific things to them (whilst respecting limits) whilst actually thinking very positively of them. I must read more into the psychology behind that one. I think part of it for me is the subs acceptance and even lustful appreciation of it. I love a degradee, especially when I've developed true feelings for them. There's just something in calling somebody who means the world to you worthless and you both end up smiling because of it. Its been a part of my love language throughout most of my life. I go out of my way to take the *** out of best friends and always probably will.

[GL****]

6 hours ago, MxAxLxIxCxE said:

It's very multilayered. I love the trust building, the willingness of them to please and my very natural tendency to take charge in that aspect but look after them too. I wonder if vanilla people even experience the complete immersion but constant checking on them in the mind, sensing when things need to be built up or softened. I like to guide and teach but also listen and learn. There's something very primal in it too, a natural need to both "maim" and "cure" simultaneously (there's probably a better expression) then of course there's the aesthetic factor as well, a woman I care for just looks better tied up or undergoing an intensity not found outside of bdsm. I find the afterglow better too, even in vanilla sex there's that phenomena where afterwards you feel closer and more free, like a weight is lifted, but this is intensified if what came before it was itself more intense. As degredation is part of my thing, I love the mutual trust of letting the dark side of my mind take over and saying all sorts of horrific things to them (whilst respecting limits) whilst actually thinking very positively of them. I must read more into the psychology behind that one. I think part of it for me is the subs acceptance and even lustful appreciation of it. I love a degradee, especially when I've developed true feelings for them. There's just something in calling somebody who means the world to you worthless and you both end up smiling because of it. Its been a part of my love language throughout most of my life. I go out of my way to take the *** out of best friends and always probably will.

I always love the afterglow too!!! One of the main reasons why I do this.

[Jaguar54]

On 1/21/2024 at 8:08 AM, hiddenvixen said:

Good answer

I disagree, all this completely misses answering the original question.

[Jaguar54]

The original question was 'what makes us dominant', and conversely, 'submissive'. There have been some great answers in this thread, but most have veered off into expressions and experiences of dominance.

In my opinion, the answer is that dom or sub is innate within us. It is categorically not learned experience. While we can teach how to handle dominance, how to project it safely, how to control it, there is no means to teach an instinct. Certainly a person can learn how to behave dominantly (officer training school for example), but that is an artificial veneer. A natural dominant just is. In exactly the same way as a submissive *is*. 

[TheBookCollector]

19 minutes ago, Jaguar54 said:

The original question was 'what makes us dominant', and conversely, 'submissive'. There have been some great answers in this thread, but most have veered off into expressions and experiences of dominance.

In my opinion, the answer is that dom or sub is innate within us. It is categorically not learned experience. While we can teach how to handle dominance, how to project it safely, how to control it, there is no means to teach an instinct. Certainly a person can learn how to behave dominantly (officer training school for example), but that is an artificial veneer. A natural dominant just is. In exactly the same way as a submissive *is*. 

In regards to things like officer trained etc, a lot of the dominance comes from the actual position rather than an innate ability or from a course.

[Jaguar54]

Agreed, they are taught to act dominantly. That does not make them 'a dominant', very different things.

[hiddenvixen]

11 hours ago, Jaguar54 said:

I disagree, all this completely misses answering the original question.

Cool just because you’re opinion is different doesn’t mean others are wrong. The whole point of this threat is to try to understand multiple perspectives..

[hiddenvixen]

10 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

In regards to things like officer trained etc, a lot of the dominance comes from the actual position rather than an innate ability or from a course.

This is an interesting and important take. Just because someone has assumed a position of power over others does not make them dominant. That power can too easily be used to harm and oppress. Especially when is comes to political powers or cops. I think comparing power dynamics in bdsm to officers is dangerous

[TheBookCollector]

14 minutes ago, hiddenvixen said:

This is an interesting and important take. Just because someone has assumed a position of power over others does not make them dominant. That power can too easily be used to harm and oppress. Especially when is comes to political powers or cops. I think comparing power dynamics in bdsm to officers is dangerous

How is it dangerous? I was replying to a point that raised the issue of being trained to be dominant and stated that there is an also an implied dominance due to postio held, but that does not make them dominant in regards to the lifestyle.
.
In short you can teach people to be dominant but that does not make them dominant.

[Jaguar54]

4 minutes ago, hiddenvixen said:

This is an interesting and important take. Just because someone has assumed a position of power over others does not make them dominant. That power can too easily be used to harm and oppress. Especially when is comes to political powers or cops. I think comparing power dynamics in bdsm to officers is dangerous

Ah, you have missed the point that was being made, in fact what I said is the complete opposite. What I said is that being 'a dominant' is innate, and cannot be learned or taught. I said that people in positions of authority can be trained to exercise that authority (or dominance) correctly, but this training does NOT make them 'A Dominant', they are merely acting in a position of dominance.

Some of the problems we see with cops etc is because they are acting unnaturally, out of character, and the same is apparent when the wrong people attempt to be a dominant.

[Jaguar54]

27 minutes ago, hiddenvixen said:

Cool just because you’re opinion is different doesn’t mean others are wrong. The whole point of this threat is to try to understand multiple perspectives..

Nobody said anything about other replies being wrong. In fact many of them are very good (which is often the case on here). What I said is they had drifted away from discussing what makes 'a dominant', over into manifestations dominance.

[Mx****]

1 hour ago, Jaguar54 said:

Nobody said anything about other replies being wrong. In fact many of them are very good (which is often the case on here). What I said is they had drifted away from discussing what makes 'a dominant', over into manifestations dominance.

Dominance...

Domineering....

Two different takes.

Tbf...us males should be taught this, yet I've never heard of that happening. It probably does somewhere...it just avoided my ears and eyes

[Su****]

Im a switch and I like being both Dominant and Submissive. Nothing better than the best of both worlds.

[up****]

I enjoy seeing a sub getting so turned on when she is being controlled

[Theonextrmst]

Every dynamic I've been in I've always ended up being Dom
I went out with a dominatrix. She ended up being my sub. She couldn't explain why and neither could i

[onyx_aurum78]

What turns me on is the level of trust and openness that a submissive gives over to me. I want nothing more than to give them what they desire in my own unique way.

[Pr****]

I genuinely just get enjoyment out of making my sub have a good time, simple as that really. As switch I tend to view D/S as more of a designation of who will use their intuition to make decisions, which frees the sub from stress and worry of the decision, and provides the dom with the trust that they should follow their intuition and act on it without regard (within boundaries) to the sub’s intuition. Basically a more effective path to enjoyment for everyone by having one designated decision maker. That being said, I almost always end up being switch simply because my partners have always been new to dominating and were very nervous about it. I’d say I’m certainly more into the mental aspect of it, so I don’t necessarily prefer being dom, it’s just so rare that my partners want to be dom that it’s become my natural role in that setting.

[subbottomvince]

This is actually pretty cool I look at it as I'm dominating 95% of the time life controlling all the stress you just want to let go of everything not have a worry not have a stress be someone else's responsibility it's like looking at a dog at home in a cage he eats sleeps doesn't have a care in the world get so excited when his master walks in and he'll do anything for his master I just think if you could do that but get pleasure out of it no worries in the world just being that person's personal toy eat sleep enjoyment you're somebody's property you don't have to do anything do whatever she says and the excitement and enjoyment at the end you get what you want and maybe being a dome you don't get control and now you do and that's your pleasure tired of getting walked on tired of getting yelled at now you get to be in control it goes both ways