Deleted Member Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 I was contacted by a Dom from another site and they wanted to rush into the sexual things almost instantly and have me obey their orders. They didn't want to know anything about me and I know nothing about this person as of yet. Anytime I mentioned I'd like for them to get to know me, they don't seem interested. How can I build trust with this person if I simply just started talking to them? Should I be weary of this person? I'm getting funny feelings about this person already. Advice is needed, thank you!
Wo**** Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 Avoid them. They're not a Dom. Any D/s relationship requires communication. Without it there is no relationship. It seems this "Dom" thinks that if he says he's dominant he can demand sex.
Deleted Member Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 Avoid avoid avoid. Get rid. This is not a Dom. This is an ***r. Trust me.
Vandalslut Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 (edited) Your funny feelings and instincts to be wary of this man are right. If he isn't interested in getting to know you, or in you getting to know him or even asking what your limits are - then avoid him like the plague. Block him and consider reporting him to the other site. Edited October 31, 2019 by Vandalslut Phone rang, got distracted.
Deleted Member Posted October 31, 2019 Author Posted October 31, 2019 Had this exact same issue. A girl that wanted me as a submissive. Ignored every question I asked, wanted to dive head long into it with barely a date to meet each other. It was like she was literally ignoring every word I said. Though she was 'apparently' hot, I said no. You HAVE to trust your instincts.
NaughtyBabygirlx Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 Trust your instincts.. they're there for a reason. Please don't meet this man x
PixieDust Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 I totally agree with what the others have said above……I have always trusted my “Gut” feeling and its never let me down yet…………if something seems funny or out of sorts, it normally is……….definitely trust your instincts, as it sounds like the only thing this guy is into, is stroking his own ego for self-gratification and nothing more, otherwise he would have already put the effort in to getting to know you……….as they say, there are plenty more fish in the sea and good ones that truly want to get to know you and build a relationship with you…………if it was me, I would be saying thanks but no thanks and hit that ignore button.
Tig82 Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 If they want to go straight to sexual stuff and don't want to know you, run. They are not about trust but getting their rocks off.
Deleted Member Posted October 31, 2019 Author Posted October 31, 2019 Everyone is saying that the alarm bells are ringing, and they're right...they are. Report, delete, ignore. Remember, a sub chooses to whom they wish to give their submission, and you can't be made to do anything you don't want to do by some mindless, pathetic wannabe.
naomiskye Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 Block them honestly. This isn't a good Dom and they'll probably just use you once then, kick you to the curb.
Ma**** Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 If your not comfortable then yes block them, ignore, don't answer anything.
MistressKittyK Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 If you have a gut feeling about this believe me it’s not worth pursuing.
Deleted Member Posted October 31, 2019 Author Posted October 31, 2019 The issue with anything these days is that anyone can invent and promote themselves as something they are not from behind a monitor and keyboard. I've seen it in other avenues of life. The thing I like about the kink community is you're all quite switched on and most have trust issues anyway. In one sense I'm like "if you've raised the question publicly you already know the answer and therefore why post?" on the other hand it's good to post so other unsuspecting people can learn from all the people passionate about protecting the integrity of the scene and its people. In my opinion subs should be asking for some credentials, munches attended, clubs visited etc as a bare minimum. In Jay Wisemans book SM101 there are some excellent safety tips, some of which I insist a Sub adheres to when I meet for the first time, such as having a silent alarm. I wouldn't let this particular scenario even get to that stage. Safe, sane, consensual: do you feel safe with this person, would you feel safe meeting them? Would you feel entertaining this course is particularly wise? Have you even discussed these orders let alone consented to them?
BeardedSi Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 Any so called "Dom" that jumps to this type of behaviour is not what they appear to be. I would suggest blocking and learning from the experience.
Deleted Member Posted October 31, 2019 Author Posted October 31, 2019 I think you are right to be weary of this person, any relationship should be built on respect and trust , getting to you emotionally and mentally.......not just physically xx
Nikki_Hexy Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 I cant really say more without repeating what has already been said. Yes we as subs love it when someone takes charge but the gift of our submission is something that is won through trust, comunication, respect and honesty. Without those four things there cant be a realtionship, vanilla or BDSM
Deleted Member Posted October 31, 2019 Author Posted October 31, 2019 Depending how you approached that Dom. Some had experienced that kind of “relationship” with subs who submit instantly or quickly. It might not be every one method but it works for some. It’s the thrill of not knowing what would happen and how. so let’s not all jumping and scream *** when we don’t know really the full situ. but if it’s not your type of kink and don’t feel comfortable then walk away. There are plenty of other compatible Dom for you out there.
Wo**** Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 The OP states that the Dom contacted her. I agree there are Doms out there that want that instant submission but my advice is the same. He wasn't asking her if she wanted that. He was expecting it and that rarely works out well.
Deleted Member Posted October 31, 2019 Author Posted October 31, 2019 (edited) 15 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: The OP states that the Dom contacted her. I agree there are Doms out there that want that instant submission but my advice is the same. He wasn't asking her if she wanted that. He was expecting it and that rarely works out well. think before you reply. approached as how she respond to him subs who like to be instant subs and yes these doms don't ask! this is the point. kind regards Edited October 31, 2019 by Deleted Member
Wo**** Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 I did read it. While I agree with your points, my advice STILL remains the same. Even with "instant submission there needs to be communication, no? Things like limits, safe words? Submission requires trust. Trust takes communication.
Deleted Member Posted October 31, 2019 Author Posted October 31, 2019 I would be offended that they clearly are not interested in you needs or wants otherwise the would have asked so. If your uncomfortable say it
Ta**** Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 (edited) 16 hours ago, Enchanted_Dream said: I was contacted by a Dom from another site and they wanted to rush into the sexual things almost instantly and have me obey their orders. They didn't want to know anything about me and I know nothing about this person as of yet. Anytime I mentioned I'd like for them to get to know me, they don't seem interested. How can I build trust with this person if I simply just started talking to them? Should I be weary of this person? I'm getting funny feelings about this person already. Advice is needed, thank you! Hello Enchanted_Dream, keep this applicant on the long leash, for your own protection! You should be very weary without a first date, without you being stripped and ready for duty. Your point of learning first about each other is a vital one. Some ´doms´ are not what they proclaim to be or can´t be trusted, without them dropping their trousers and showing theirs first. If your gut tells you, that the applicant ´stinks´, do stay put. Sincerely regards -TLT- Edited October 31, 2019 by Tauchlehrer_Tobias
Deleted Member Posted October 31, 2019 Author Posted October 31, 2019 Block! You’re worth so much more than someone who wants to rush you into anything! X
MaxwellsDemon Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 Be wary. If you can't trust them before you're in a *** situation, you certainly won't be able to after. I hate to do the "my way is the true way" thing, but if a somebody isn't willing to be transparent and build trust with you then they probably aren't a good dom at all... Maybe not 3ven a good person.
Deleted Member Posted October 31, 2019 Author Posted October 31, 2019 No true Dom would ever do that , understanding you and your needs is way before the kinky stuff and pics , long discussions about limits and boundaries, likes and dislikes , staying inside the Safe Sane Consensual guidelines ! If you do decide to meet , it has to be strictly social in a public place and tell a good friend who, when and where ! There are to many fake wannabe Doms around !
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