Too often am I expected to be dominant

[Be****]

I am wondering if there are other guys out there who are pretty submissive like myself, but are often overlooked because people would rather you be dominant. I find meeting people, and making new friends exceedingly difficult because oftentimes, once they find out I'm a sub-leaning versatile switch, they seem to lose interest, even if initial conversation was going well!

I don't choose to be more submissive it's just kind of in my nature, though there are the rare few I may wish to be more dominant with but it's all in how things unfold to be honest.

Also to be clear it's not like I'm going out of my way to message people who are specifically looking for a dominant partner either, it could be someone who messaged me and sometimes seems like they didn't read my profile at all. I personally read a profile to see if I'm even what that person is looking for before I bother to message.

Thank you~

[MaskedMan]

For sure, they sometimes loose interest if they found out I am sub. I think some people think you're less a man, but in my opinion it is more man like if you treat a women like goddess. I wish there would be more women which like boys going on their knees 😅

[Clnuplkr]

I'm straight but as a Dom I like giving both genders submissives a hard time. But I always expect total submission.

[Be****]

Nope, quit playing victim. You should always read a profile before messaging….

[GL****]

It’s rare people take the time iI think to read bios. they look at pictures and then go straight to the height or weight. A lot of people don’t even fill out the bio with anything. They just rely on their pictures. I wrote mine long on purpose. If they can’t put in the time and effort to read my bio, chances are they won’t appreciate all the time and effort I’d put into them.
It seems like you got a good head on your shoulders, and your heart seems to be in the right place. just be selective with who you give that too. Sounds like you are. I’m all about protecting my energy.
Women have their own problems with dating, but it’s definitely challenging as a man. As an all dominate man I couldn’t even begin to understand the struggle with being submissive man at any capacity as far as dating goes. Believe me though I can imagine.
It looks like you are fairly new to this app. The community here is pretty good. I’m sure they’ll be more good advice to follow.. Here is my advice though, not that you aren’t doing any of this already… always be clear with your intentions. Vet them thoroughly. There’s strength in vulnerability, dive deep. listen to your gut and don’t waste unnecessary time. I know it’s kind of cliché, but with you, I think the right persons will come your way. keep hunting until you find what you are looking for and as someone wanting to be more submissive…allow yourself to be hunted. You got this shit brother! I believe in you!

If you ever need someone to vent to or bounce, something off of you can hit me up anytime. Good luck and enjoy the journey!

[GL****]

39 minutes ago, BegForBedtime said:

Nope, quit playing victim. You should always read a profile before messaging….

He’s not playing the victim! He’s fairly new to the app. Dating in this lifestyle is not easy. If you say you haven’t had issues… you’re lying to yourself. He clearly stated that he reads profiles you couldn’t even finish reading his shit before you posted something like you know anything.
And don’t come at me with some stupid shit because I’m already biting my tongue.

[Deleted Member]

Let me give you another view to this thing. I am a submissive myself, so I feel the needs and urges of a submissive person and struggle to talk back sometimes, as I am not bratty at all.

Sometimes submissive men contact me. I am open minded so I start a conversation with them, but mostly it happens that they keep talking about what they desire me to do with them. I am not sexually attracted to submissive men, since they can’t give me what I need and I can’t give them what they need. In my opinion that should not keep us off from communicating but they tend to push me in a direction where I feel uncomfortable, because they set expectations to me to boss them around and give them tasks. That’s the point where I stop responding, because that’s simply nothing for me.

[sy****]

Same here I am not dominant at all but I get so many messages from guys asking me to Dom them while I am not a Dom at all I can’t do that I’m a nice shy guy wtf

[sardonicus87]

Man, I am not even D/s at all. Actually for me, power exchange is a hard limit.
.
I can't tell you how many people (men) message me on FL and open with "dear Sir/master, plz sissify me" or some crap. I clearly state on my profile that power exchange and sissification are hard limits, and that I am also strictly straight. Thankfully, this website has filters where I can prevent men from messaging me.
.
And on the extremely rare occasion (once a year maybe) that a woman messages me, it's always "dear sir" or "dear master".
.
I mean, I pretty explicitly state in my profile not only am I NOT a Dom, that I hate honorifics and they're a hard limit.
.
Like, it's a problem in my opinion that people just presume in the first place that you are even into D/s stuff.
.
And yes, on that front I have been told by others "well, actually how are you not a Dom then?" (because they clearly don't understand what Domination means and are confusing Dom and Top together), or that my profile is scary, and been told by one 20 year old woman that I might have an easier time finding people if I were willing to Dom (massive eye roll).
.
Honestly, after all these years, I kind of hate the BDSM scene and am sick of it. It's D/s-centric nature, especially when 3/4 of people out there don't seem to understand what that actually means. I'm tired of being judged specifically for being only a sadist and not dominant (and people I never tried to contact have gone out of their way more than once to message me judgemental crap, on multiple websites), I'm tired of in-person munches or parties (which don't even exist near enough me anymore) where the first question is always "which side of the slash are you" and I say "neither" and they say "oh a switch then" and I say not that either, then say I am only a sadist and not into power exchange and they look confused.
.
So yeah, it's even worse when you're not into the D/s thing at all to begin with.

[Th****]

22 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

Man, I am not even D/s at all. Actually for me, power exchange is a hard limit.
.
I can't tell you how many people (men) message me on FL and open with "dear Sir/master, plz sissify me" or some crap. I clearly state on my profile that power exchange and sissification are hard limits, and that I am also strictly straight. Thankfully, this website has filters where I can prevent men from messaging me.
.
And on the extremely rare occasion (once a year maybe) that a woman messages me, it's always "dear sir" or "dear master".
.
I mean, I pretty explicitly state in my profile not only am I NOT a Dom, that I hate honorifics and they're a hard limit.
.
Like, it's a problem in my opinion that people just presume in the first place that you are even into D/s stuff.
.
And yes, on that front I have been told by others "well, actually how are you not a Dom then?" (because they clearly don't understand what Domination means and are confusing Dom and Top together), or that my profile is scary, and been told by one 20 year old woman that I might have an easier time finding people if I were willing to Dom (massive eye roll).
.
Honestly, after all these years, I kind of hate the BDSM scene and am sick of it. It's D/s-centric nature, especially when 3/4 of people out there don't seem to understand what that actually means. I'm tired of being judged specifically for being only a sadist and not dominant (and people I never tried to contact have gone out of their way more than once to message me judgemental crap, on multiple websites), I'm tired of in-person munches or parties (which don't even exist near enough me anymore) where the first question is always "which side of the slash are you" and I say "neither" and they say "oh a switch then" and I say not that either, then say I am only a sadist and not into power exchange and they look confused.
.
So yeah, it's even worse when you're not into the D/s thing at all to begin with.

I *really really really* think so much if that is that people truly DO NOT UNDERSTAND the separation of D/s and top/bottom. It's like saying since apples are fruit then all fruit must be apples 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I really don't think it's as D/s centric as it seems because tops and bottoms are calling themselves Doms and subs. One of my closest friends in the community is primarily *only* a sadist and edge play top and they're kind of a big deal. 

I personally really like D/s it's some of my favorite stuff but I *also* enjoy play without it, especially as a bottom and I often run into the opposite issue of explaining that I'm not submissive but can be a very enthusiastic bottom. 

Regardless of everything else it's bad form to approach people with honorifics when you're not in a dynamic with them especially with anything other than polite (lower case) miss, ma'am, sir or any other thing you'd use for addressing someone in a vanilla manner. 

 

[Th****]

20 hours ago, Berrycurious95 said:

I am wondering if there are other guys out there who are pretty submissive like myself, but are often overlooked because people would rather you be dominant. I find meeting people, and making new friends exceedingly difficult because oftentimes, once they find out I'm a sub-leaning versatile switch, they seem to lose interest, even if initial conversation was going well!

I don't choose to be more submissive it's just kind of in my nature, though there are the rare few I may wish to be more dominant with but it's all in how things unfold to be honest.

Also to be clear it's not like I'm going out of my way to message people who are specifically looking for a dominant partner either, it could be someone who messaged me and sometimes seems like they didn't read my profile at all. I personally read a profile to see if I'm even what that person is looking for before I bother to message.

Thank you~

I've had conversations with quite a few men who've had this problem, especially if they're large or more physically imposing.

The fact that you even use phrasing like "sub-leaning versatile switch" is 🤩🤩. It shows me that you're not one of the totally uninformed masses. Personally and I know a lot of other Dommes who would be very interested in knowing more after hearing/reading that. Yes these things can be super frustrating but practice patience and keep putting yourself out there. Genuine and sincere sub men are actually hard to come by so the key is to be seen by the right eyes so they can find you, because many of the more genuine lifestyle Dommes fly under the radar on purpose to avoid those searching for kink dispensers. 

[Be****]

8 hours ago, Vuurbloem said:

For sure, they sometimes loose interest if they found out I am sub. I think some people think you're less a man, but in my opinion it is more man like if you treat a women like goddess. I wish there would be more women which like boys going on their knees 😅

I agree with you on that lol

[Be****]

8 hours ago, BegForBedtime said:

Nope, quit playing victim. You should always read a profile before messaging….

I believe you misread or maybe didn't read at all when I said I always read profiles lol. It's the other people who seem not to read mine as mine clearly says I'm a sub-leaning switch

[Be****]

8 hours ago, GLOWfiend said:

It’s rare people take the time iI think to read bios. they look at pictures and then go straight to the height or weight. A lot of people don’t even fill out the bio with anything. They just rely on their pictures. I wrote mine long on purpose. If they can’t put in the time and effort to read my bio, chances are they won’t appreciate all the time and effort I’d put into them.
It seems like you got a good head on your shoulders, and your heart seems to be in the right place. just be selective with who you give that too. Sounds like you are. I’m all about protecting my energy.
Women have their own problems with dating, but it’s definitely challenging as a man. As an all dominate man I couldn’t even begin to understand the struggle with being submissive man at any capacity as far as dating goes. Believe me though I can imagine.
It looks like you are fairly new to this app. The community here is pretty good. I’m sure they’ll be more good advice to follow.. Here is my advice though, not that you aren’t doing any of this already… always be clear with your intentions. Vet them thoroughly. There’s strength in vulnerability, dive deep. listen to your gut and don’t waste unnecessary time. I know it’s kind of cliché, but with you, I think the right persons will come your way. keep hunting until you find what you are looking for and as someone wanting to be more submissive…allow yourself to be hunted. You got this shit brother! I believe in you!

If you ever need someone to vent to or bounce, something off of you can hit me up anytime. Good luck and enjoy the journey!

Thank you for your words! I appreciate you taking the time to post here and I think it was uplifting! I will keep on keeping on and yes, I also agree that in time something worthwhile will come :)

[Be****]

7 hours ago, big-baby-berlin said:

Let me give you another view to this thing. I am a submissive myself, so I feel the needs and urges of a submissive person and struggle to talk back sometimes, as I am not bratty at all.

Sometimes submissive men contact me. I am open minded so I start a conversation with them, but mostly it happens that they keep talking about what they desire me to do with them. I am not sexually attracted to submissive men, since they can’t give me what I need and I can’t give them what they need. In my opinion that should not keep us off from communicating but they tend to push me in a direction where I feel uncomfortable, because they set expectations to me to boss them around and give them tasks. That’s the point where I stop responding, because that’s simply nothing for me.

This part Here! What yoy are saying is what I have been feeling! That pressure to be the dominant in every situation when I'm not lol. I'm glad it's not just me.

[Be****]

6 hours ago, synccc said:

Same here I am not dominant at all but I get so many messages from guys asking me to Dom them while I am not a Dom at all I can’t do that I’m a nice shy guy wtf

I hear you! It is nice to know it's not just me feeling this. However, it's not nice to know we are going through it. I definitely do have the ability to be both as I am a switch but it takes a certain kind of person for me to lean more dominant with however my ideal situation would allow me to be fluid with it as sometimes it can change with the day or my mood or some kind of other random occurrence!

[Be****]

52 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

Man, I am not even D/s at all. Actually for me, power exchange is a hard limit.
.
I can't tell you how many people (men) message me on FL and open with "dear Sir/master, plz sissify me" or some crap. I clearly state on my profile that power exchange and sissification are hard limits, and that I am also strictly straight. Thankfully, this website has filters where I can prevent men from messaging me.
.
And on the extremely rare occasion (once a year maybe) that a woman messages me, it's always "dear sir" or "dear master".
.
I mean, I pretty explicitly state in my profile not only am I NOT a Dom, that I hate honorifics and they're a hard limit.
.
Like, it's a problem in my opinion that people just presume in the first place that you are even into D/s stuff.
.
And yes, on that front I have been told by others "well, actually how are you not a Dom then?" (because they clearly don't understand what Domination means and are confusing Dom and Top together), or that my profile is scary, and been told by one 20 year old woman that I might have an easier time finding people if I were willing to Dom (massive eye roll).
.
Honestly, after all these years, I kind of hate the BDSM scene and am sick of it. It's D/s-centric nature, especially when 3/4 of people out there don't seem to understand what that actually means. I'm tired of being judged specifically for being only a sadist and not dominant (and people I never tried to contact have gone out of their way more than once to message me judgemental crap, on multiple websites), I'm tired of in-person munches or parties (which don't even exist near enough me anymore) where the first question is always "which side of the slash are you" and I say "neither" and they say "oh a switch then" and I say not that either, then say I am only a sadist and not into power exchange and they look confused.
.
So yeah, it's even worse when you're not into the D/s thing at all to begin with.

Wow! Thank you for offering your perspective on this as I didn't even consider that. It would certainly be annoying to have to keep dealing with that! I am sorry rhay has been your experience thus far.

[Be****]

22 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

I *really really really* think so much if that is that people truly DO NOT UNDERSTAND the separation of D/s and top/bottom. It's like saying since apples are fruit then all fruit must be apples 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I really don't think it's as D/s centric as it seems because tops and bottoms are calling themselves Doms and subs. One of my closest friends in the community is primarily *only* a sadist and edge play top and they're kind of a big deal. 

I personally really like D/s it's some of my favorite stuff but I *also* enjoy play without it, especially as a bottom and I often run into the opposite issue of explaining that I'm not submissive but can be a very enthusiastic bottom. 

Regardless of everything else it's bad form to approach people with honorifics when you're not in a dynamic with them especially with anything other than polite (lower case) miss, ma'am, sir or any other thing you'd use for addressing someone in a vanilla manner. 

 

Yeah the honorifics can be funny. I literally don't use it unless the other person specifies either directly or in their profile wlwhagbthey prefer and even then I am doing it out of respect and wanting to get to know the person, now because I am going hard trying to get them to be "my dom" lol

[Th****]

8 hours ago, BegForBedtime said:

Nope, quit playing victim. You should always read a profile before messaging….

This makes no sense. What about the people who didn't read his profile before messaging HIM? He's not talking about when he's the person to initiate contact here. 

This op is far from "playing the victim" 🙄

[Th****]

8 hours ago, Clnuplkr said:

as a Dom I like giving both genders submissives a hard time. But I always expect total submission.

This is kind of yikes 😬 honestly 

[Th****]

17 minutes ago, Berrycurious95 said:

I believe you misread or maybe didn't read at all when I said I always read profiles lol. It's the other people who seem not to read mine as mine clearly says I'm a sub-leaning switch

Yeah the irony in that comment is 😆

Edited April 16, 2024 by ThaliaV

[Be****]

36 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

I *really really really* think so much if that is that people truly DO NOT UNDERSTAND the separation of D/s and top/bottom. It's like saying since apples are fruit then all fruit must be apples 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I really don't think it's as D/s centric as it seems because tops and bottoms are calling themselves Doms and subs. One of my closest friends in the community is primarily *only* a sadist and edge play top and they're kind of a big deal. 

I personally really like D/s it's some of my favorite stuff but I *also* enjoy play without it, especially as a bottom and I often run into the opposite issue of explaining that I'm not submissive but can be a very enthusiastic bottom. 

Regardless of everything else it's bad form to approach people with honorifics when you're not in a dynamic with them especially with anything other than polite (lower case) miss, ma'am, sir or any other thing you'd use for addressing someone in a vanilla manner. 

 

I meant to also comment that I adore how your bio is laid out! It's soo very descriptive and informative at the same time and it leads me to feel motivated to flesh mine into more as I had originally begun. I slowly watered mine down and shortened it because I felt like people weren't reading it so I thought maybe it was too much but it's true, if people aren't reading it anyways, then they aren't the one for me! 🤣 Thank you for not only your posts here. But also being a positive example with your profile. I appreciate the time and effort you put into it and that if nothing else. Someone who reads it may not only learn something new. But also have a much clearer and focused view into not only who you are and what you expect, but also the transparency of it allows the reader to not have to read between lines or leave things up for interpretation! 😇

[Be****]

With that I do like thag the topic of separation between D/S and top/bottom was discussed because it really needs to be discussed more

[Th****]

55 minutes ago, Berrycurious95 said:

With that I do like thag the topic of separation between D/S and top/bottom was discussed because it really needs to be discussed more

It really really does. I've been intending to make a post about it but just haven't had the spoons to put one together yet. 

And thank you so much for the appreciation 😊

[GL****]

1 hour ago, ThaliaV said:

This is kind of yikes 😬 honestly 

Yeah, I didn’t even want to go there with him. The other guy needed a few words though. I was waiting for him to say something back. That was about as nice as I could’ve put things. Even dominants need to be put in their place from time to time.