Wondering how many people understand the difference between a top and a dominant

[Hyperion-D6379]

I consider myself more of a "TOP" than a "Dominant" I run into a lot of people that don't understand the difference.

I'm wondering who many people understand the difference, and what their preference is.

 

   

[ey****]

I think people try to simplify things - it's also not helped that sometimes people use Top (or bottom) as an insult ("you're not a Dom you're a Top" - as if it's lesser) 

I think a lot of people who are referred to as Dominants are actually Tops - buuut - that's OK.  As long as everyone involved is having fun.

[Mattyy0099]

I identify as a Top. For me it's the difference between fun and a much higher level of power play with stricter rules and consequences which raise the levels of tension, stress and uncertainty. I like mutual decision making , tying up ( or restraining) a lady and  giving a good spanking. Although I am new to this they tend to purr.......I must try harder!😂

[Deleted Member]

@Hyperion-D6379 @eyemblacksheep in the pursuit of correcting and improving my knowledge and understanding, I would like to admit that I do not understand the difference. I thought that these two terms were synonymous. Since I cannot find any articles about Top specifically, or the difference between it and Dominant, would you be kind enough to enlighten me, please?

[Nikki_Hexy]

In the gay scene at least being a top is the person who gives the cock and the bottom is the person receiving. After that its all blury to me in the heterosexual , i assume a top is more on the domanant side, or maybe the one who inniciates play or a scene.

[Sy-]

My understanding is that the Top has the control in a scene, irrelevant to then being a Dom or a sub. You can be the Dom in a D/s relationship or even just a scene, but also be the one getting tied up. This would make the sub the Rigger or Top and the Dom the bottom or bunny/model. Similarly the Dom could be getting spanked by the sub, which would make the Dom the bottom and the sub the Top.

Dom/sub seems to be the overarching dynamic and mentality of the people while Top/bottom is more about who is carrying out the action.

This is a gross simplification of the dynamic as people can "Top from the bottom" too.

[ey****]

one of the big differences between Dom/sub and Top/bottom (or Sadist/masochist) is power exchange.

Dom/sub is more likely to be - long term relationships, power exchange within the relationship - or - regular meetings for play involving power exchange

Top/bottom is more likely to be casual play and pick up play.  Play between friends is more likely to be Top/bottom.

Somewhat controversially - this does mean a lot of people who say they're Dominants (or subs) are actually Tops (or bottoms) and that's totally OK - but it's often easier to say "Dominant" or "sub" - as you might be a Top, but still the Dominant for the scene.

[Deleted Member]

Ok, so to confuse matters even further, how about this then? given that the sub or bottom is the one who will usually set the SafeWord and limits in a scene, are they actually in control of the entire session and therefore overall the dominant or top? Is a dominant or top actually being a sub when carrying out the wishes of the sub? Conversely, is it the sub that is in dominant control?

Oh never mind! If everybody is having fun, why do we have to put a label on ourselves? Sub, dom, switch, whatever. I think I’ve probably played all of these roles and more!

[ey****]

haha - the "who is really in control" is another good one.  I'm sure there was a lengthily thread on it.   Lola Ruin wrote a good blog on it although that's very much from a Provider/client perspective 

but again, ultimately... as long as everyone is happy that's the main thing

[Hyperion-D6379]

I would have to say that @eyemblacksheep hit the nail on the head "FOR ME" (as in my opinion only). While I have been involved with BDSM for most of my adult life, it has never been a 24/7 thing for me. All of my partners have been my equal outside the bedroom (by my choice). More often than not I call myself a Dominant , only because more people understand that description. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "whats a top?"

@Fredddy: we can call that topping from the bottom (smile)

 

[Mi****]

16 hours ago, Fredddy said:

Ok, so to confuse matters even further, how about this then? given that the sub or bottom is the one who will usually set the SafeWord and limits in a scene, are they actually in control of the entire session and therefore overall the dominant or top? Is a dominant or top actually being a sub when carrying out the wishes of the sub? Conversely, is it the sub that is in dominant control?

Oh never mind! If everybody is having fun, why do we have to put a label on ourselves? Sub, dom, switch, whatever. I think I’ve probably played all of these roles and more!

I would just point out that tops/doms/masters/sadists also have safewords and limits

Edited November 8, 2019 by MissTillysue
spelling

[NatalieLM84]

On 11/7/2019 at 4:25 PM, Sy- said:

My understanding is that the Top has the control in a scene, irrelevant to then being a Dom or a sub. You can be the Dom in a D/s relationship or even just a scene, but also be the one getting tied up. This would make the sub the Rigger or Top and the Dom the bottom or bunny/model. Similarly the Dom could be getting spanked by the sub, which would make the Dom the bottom and the sub the Top.

Dom/sub seems to be the overarching dynamic and mentality of the people while Top/bottom is more about who is carrying out the action.

This is a gross simplification of the dynamic as people can "Top from the bottom" too.

Thank you, I've honestly never understood no matter how many times various ppl explained. The way you have explained this has come across perfectly 

[Deleted Member]

It’s also called top the Dom when he can’t handle a fierce bratty or an intelligent submissive and can’t control the situation anymore 🤔😊 mostly inexperienced ones... 

[Phoenyx]

I guess I'll add my two cents.  This is just what I've seen from my experience.  A "top" is merely someone who follows the wishes set by the bottom, before the start of the scene.  A bottom cannot tie themselves up, or flog themselves in that certain spot.  The top does the mechanics, while the bottom uses his/her imagination to fill in the blanks.

A good dominant however, uses the desires of the sub as just a starting point.  He/she can then take the sub down unexplored avenues of pleasure, even things never conceived by the sub.  Though portraying a harsh persona, a good dominant always keeps their sub relaxed.  Think of a big roller coaster---scary, but safe.  *** and stress can be like a bucket of cold water.  A good dominant is part story teller, part tour guide, part therapist.

A really good Dom can raise the sub's level stimulation and pleasure almost to the point of orgasm.  It is then held at that point, with the promise of sweet release always held just out of reach.  Such a dom is also an empath, feeling the same level of sexual frustration.  But, the dom has learned to control their desires.  For him/her, such denial of self gives a feeling of power.  Such power is then shared with the sub, in the form of even more stimulation.  Eventually, the sub becomes so overwhelmed by their own pleasures, that they are willing to surrender themselves mind, body, and soul to the dominant.  At that point, the dom has accomplished his/her mission.

Anyway, that is my take.