Protocols in D/s dynamics or relationships

[ma****]

41 minutes ago, intellectualruffian said:

To say there’s no protocol on the D/S dynamic is to simply tell the truth. You can repeat tidbits of terminology you’ve found online all you like, and even begin forum threads using said terminology in a bid to come across authentic and authoritative on the matter. But in the end, there simply is no protocol to follow in these dynamics. We build our dynamics as per our circumstances and every single scenario is different. Not one dynamic in the history of kink has ever been bound by the protocols you speak of, nor its structure or terminology, when building their own rule structure. In all honesty, it sounds like you’ve read some stuff online and regurgitated it in your own way to begin a forum thread. At least I brought the thread to life by highlighting its flaws.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, intellectualruffian said:

To say there’s no protocol on the D/S dynamic is to simply tell the truth.

A question, if I may?

If this statement you make is true and there are no protocols within any BDSM, D/s etc dynamics, then why are there i) so many people within the community who claim to follow protocols (some of which I've been privy to witness), and ii) how has it come to be that there are so many books and other published resources on protocol within aspects of the community? Are we to infer that all these people are talking sh*t?

I'm beginning to think that you might not fully aware of all the meanings of the word protocol and it's flexibility. If you are aware, then you must also realise that your comments are shaming those within the community who choose to embrace the structure of their ruleset of choice. We don't do that here.

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, intellectualruffian said:

To say there’s no protocol on the D/S dynamic is to simply tell the truth. You can repeat tidbits of terminology you’ve found online all you like, and even begin forum threads using said terminology in a bid to come across authentic and authoritative on the matter. But in the end, there simply is no protocol to follow in these dynamics. We build our dynamics as per our circumstances and every single scenario is different. Not one dynamic in the history of kink has ever been bound by the protocols you speak of, nor its structure or terminology, when building their own rule structure. In all honesty, it sounds like you’ve read some stuff online and regurgitated it in your own way to begin a forum thread. At least I brought the thread to life by highlighting its flaws.

Condescending
Patronising
Egotistical
Supercilious
.
I would not throw stones from glass houses. It would be easy enough to locate forum threads you've made and 'highlight the flaws'
That's because I suspect none of us are kink educators nor authors but rather people sharing views.
It's interesting to me that many people are challenging your viewpoint/approach but you continue to nitpick with one person.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

Condescending
Patronising
Egotistical
Supercilious
.
I would not throw stones from glass houses. It would be easy enough to locate forum threads you've made and 'highlight the flaws'
That's because I suspect none of us are kink educators nor authors but rather people sharing views.
It's interesting to me that many people are challenging your viewpoint/approach but you continue to nitpick with one person.

There are only you, the OP, and one other. I’ll gladly talk with you on the matter if you like? I’ll easily explain to you exactly what I’ve been explaining to the OP. Ball’s in your court.
And I might address the male on the thread at some stage, but my focus was on the OP as it was her thread. But since her last message was a string of emojis, I’ll assume she has no input of substance left to provide. Maybe you’ll engage more.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Aranhis said:

A question, if I may?

If this statement you make is true and there are no protocols within any BDSM, D/s etc dynamics, then why are there i) so many people within the community who claim to follow protocols (some of which I've been privy to witness), and ii) how has it come to be that there are so many books and other published resources on protocol within aspects of the community? Are we to infer that all these people are talking sh*t?

I'm beginning to think that you might not fully aware of all the meanings of the word protocol and it's flexibility. If you are aware, then you must also realise that your comments are shaming those within the community who choose to embrace the structure of their ruleset of choice. We don't do that here.

It is exactly one of these “resources” (which are not as exhaustive and authoritative as you’d think actually) that I’m certain the OP has handpicked, or almost copy and pasted to begin this thread. The exact way it’s written seems like the odd bit you see here and there on “protocol”. So, was the answer to the original curious kinkster who asked about protocol, a response repeated from something read online? Or from experience? I prefer to speak on topics from life experience and when it comes to the D/S dynamic, there is absolutely no definitive protocols, levels to them, settings to apply them, or set of behaviours that are gospel in any way shape or form. We can shout til we’re blue in the face that the OP was giving examples, but if you read it from the start, it’s actually stated all quite matter-of-factly.
Much of what is bandied about online, is repeated and regurgitated to seem like the speaker is Fifty Shades of Wisdom. I prefer to try to lead inquisitive kinksters down a clear and simple path of simply establishing respect and trust and learn about each other in your own unique circumstances and dynamic. Then everything will flow naturally and you can set your own rules, behaviours and date I say it… protocols.
But I think in all honesty that to go reeling off a whole thread of protocol jargon on levels and behaviours is pretty much just repeating what one has read online in a bid to sound informative and authoritative on the matter to the inquisitive kinkster who asked the original question.
While there may be the odd word on “protocol” published, it has never ever been in any way, shape or form a gospel or level of operating in the dynamic that we should feel the need to aspire to, or could even manage to emulate, given the unique circumstances we all live in.
And those words are from experience, not from some fanciful passages that you may find online that make you feel like you’re in a movie.

[ge****]

Calling someone "Sir" or "Mistress", or any other honorific that right there is a protocol, kneeling for a dominant, there's another, keeping eyes lowered is another and I could go on.
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Events such as The Gentleman's Club at Liberty Elite, Gynarchy Gathering at Vanilla Alternative and Decorum at The Annex are all billed as High Protocol events for the D/s dynamic.
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So to say there's no protocol on the D/s dynamic is both naive and not true - yes, not every D/s dynamic has protocols as such, yes even those with protocols may differ and be very individual to that specific dynamic but protocols such as those given as examples by the OP do very much exist in many dynamics to some degree or another.
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As has been said many times already they don't all follow some sacrosanct ancient writings laid down by a founding father or mother of D/s, and are unique to each dynamic that has them but they very much exist.

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Calling someone "Sir" or "Mistress", or any other honorific that right there is a protocol, kneeling for a dominant, there's another, keeping eyes lowered is another and I could go on.
.
Events such as The Gentleman's Club at Liberty Elite, Gynarchy Gathering at Vanilla Alternative and Decorum at The Annex are all billed as High Protocol events for the D/s dynamic.
.
So to say there's no protocol on the D/s dynamic is both naive and not true - yes, not every D/s dynamic has protocols as such, yes even those with protocols may differ and be very individual to that specific dynamic but protocols such as those given as examples by the OP do very much exist in many dynamics to some degree or another.
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As has been said many times already they don't all follow some sacrosanct ancient writings laid down by a founding father or mother of D/s, and are unique to each dynamic that has them but they very much exist.

I’m fully aware there are certain protocol to be followed at certain events. But the OP is about protocol in the D/S dynamic and relationships. The OP is even actually called: Protocols in D/S dynamics or relationships.
And it’s all spoken quite matter-of-factly, which simply isn’t true.

[ge****]

8 minutes ago, intellectualruffian said:

I’m fully aware there are certain protocol to be followed at certain events. But the OP is about protocol in the D/S dynamic and relationships. The OP is even actually called: Protocols in D/S dynamics or relationships.
And it’s all spoken quite matter-of-factly, which simply isn’t true.

Can I respectfully suggest you appear to be reading the OP very differently to how I and the various others who have disagreed with you have done - as I certainly don't read it as matter of fact or anything other than a generic high level view used to explain what protocols are.
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You're even contradicting yourself because you now acknowledge that protocols exist where previously you've said they don't.
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Personally I think it's got to the point where you're arguing for the sake of arguing in the face of just about everyone else on this thread disagreeing with you so maybe it's best just to leave it there.
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Whilst I'm fairly knowledgeable about the various protocols that exist within the lifestyle, I'm grateful for the OPs insights - if you don't ascribe to protocols etc then fair enough, but to dismiss those that do is disrespectful and judgemental at best, as is your continual attempts to undermine the OPs knowledge and suggest she's lifted her words from a writing somewhere.

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Can I respectfully suggest you appear to be reading the OP very differently to how I and the various others who have disagreed with you have done - as I certainly don't read it as matter of fact or anything other than a generic high level view used to explain what protocols are.
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You're even contradicting yourself because you now acknowledge that protocols exist where previously you've said they don't.
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Personally I think it's got to the point where you're arguing for the sake of arguing in the face of just about everyone else on this thread disagreeing with you so maybe it's best just to leave it there.
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Whilst I'm fairly knowledgeable about the various protocols that exist within the lifestyle, I'm grateful for the OPs insights - if you don't ascribe to protocols etc then fair enough, but to dismiss those that do is disrespectful and judgemental at best, as is your continual attempts to undermine the OPs knowledge and suggest she's lifted her words from a writing somewhere.

To acknowledge protocol exists when attending an establishment’s event is just acknowledging that if you attend a certain event, there are behaviours you follow. Pretty simple. That doesn’t mean there are any set protocols relating the dynamic itself two people are in, that should be aspired to or followed. Don’t try to twist the words or posts in the thread as it will only serve to confuse the matter.
If you read the OP a certain way, that can’t be helped if I’m honest. There simply is no generic high level view on protocols we apply to the dynamic. No template. Nothing. What each dynamic puts in place for themselves is a blank canvas with no blueprint. That’s the beauty of it. To think there is a standard that has been laid out to follow or aspire to does not even seem dominant to me in the slightest. Once we establish trust and respect within the dynamic, we set our own rules. And they can look similar to what the OP has written, a lot tamer, or a hell of a lot more extreme. But that’s for the two people involved to establish. Again, there’s no blueprint to follow. Not in any sense whatsoever.

[ma****]

3 minutes ago, intellectualruffian said:

To acknowledge protocol exists when attending an establishment’s event is just acknowledging that if you attend a certain event, there are behaviours you follow. Pretty simple. That doesn’t mean there are any set protocols relating the dynamic itself two people are in, that should be aspired to or followed. Don’t try to twist the words or posts in the thread as it will only serve to confuse the matter.
If you read the OP a certain way, that can’t be helped if I’m honest. There simply is no generic high level view on protocols we apply to the dynamic. No template. Nothing. What each dynamic puts in place for themselves is a blank canvas with no blueprint. That’s the beauty of it. To think there is a standard that has been laid out to follow or aspire to does not even seem dominant to me in the slightest. Once we establish trust and respect within the dynamic, we set our own rules. And they can look similar to what the OP has written, a lot tamer, or a hell of a lot more extreme. But that’s for the two people involved to establish. Again, there’s no blueprint to follow. Not in any sense whatsoever.

🤣🤣🤣

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, maryioni said:

🤣🤣🤣

Two replies with nothing but a string of laughing emojis from the OP is proof enough I’ve made my point. I do enjoy your chuckles Maryioni 😂. I’ll gracefully bow out and go off chuckling myself to enjoy the weekend. It’s been great chatting but I do think we’re at an impasse. Enjoy the weekend folks and no hard feelings.
And to inquisitive kinksters, remember, there are no set protocols at all. Find someone you trust and respect and build YOUR dynamic how YOU want. Peace and Love - The Intellectual Ruffian 🙏❤️

[ma****]

1 hour ago, intellectualruffian said:

There are only you, the OP, and one other. I’ll gladly talk with you on the matter if you like? I’ll easily explain to you exactly what I’ve been explaining to the OP. Ball’s in your court.
And I might address the male on the thread at some stage, but my focus was on the OP as it was her thread. But since her last message was a string of emojis, I’ll assume she has no input of substance left to provide. Maybe you’ll engage more.

Your comments are laughable and have proven your lack of education. I have explained clearly so far and there's no need for me to continue explaining anything since you can't comprehend. Plus, based on your other comments, you do contradict yourself. I'd strongly suggest that you get a Mentor and/or attend events and talk to other people and you'll then realise that such protocols exist IN D/s dynamics AND they are very common.

Have a good day!

[PrinceCruel]

Is it the sempiternal debate of nature vs nurture lurking behind this wordy jost? , where one view of "protocol" would be derived from natural traits expressing themselves into rules, absolute laws. When nurture would be tendencies that would be expressed, negotiated and acknowledged within a relationship or a group of people...
Am I oversimplifying? Yes, we exist in between the two ends of the spectrum and we can only develop tolerance so we can allow each others to explore and discover on their own with our support. At least for me, that's what resonate in me from the kink community and what I try to promote with a bit of lightness,
Thank you Maryioni for bring up the topic and feeding the discussion 🤣🤣🤣

[Co****]

I will stay away at picking at any particular persons response but it’s interesting how these forums tend to turn into personal “slagging” matches - the nature of debate.
As someone mentioned underneath you all essentially agree on the basic fundamentals of the discussion.

That…However and wherever and by whomever it is written the “protocols” will ALWAYS be subjective and will be “written” set and followed between individuals ONLY based on their OWN connections and limit of THEIR exploration.

The steadfast “rule” of play in D/s is consent, respect, trust and communication.
“flow naturally” is key and something I personally adhere to.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, intellectualruffian said:

To acknowledge protocol exists when attending an establishment’s event is just acknowledging that if you attend a certain event, there are behaviours you follow. Pretty simple. That doesn’t mean there are any set protocols relating the dynamic itself two people are in, that should be aspired to or followed. Don’t try to twist the words or posts in the thread as it will only serve to confuse the matter.
If you read the OP a certain way, that can’t be helped if I’m honest. There simply is no generic high level view on protocols we apply to the dynamic. No template. Nothing. What each dynamic puts in place for themselves is a blank canvas with no blueprint. That’s the beauty of it. To think there is a standard that has been laid out to follow or aspire to does not even seem dominant to me in the slightest. Once we establish trust and respect within the dynamic, we set our own rules. And they can look similar to what the OP has written, a lot tamer, or a hell of a lot more extreme. But that’s for the two people involved to establish. Again, there’s no blueprint to follow. Not in any sense whatsoever.

For the god knows how many-eth time no-one, absolutely no-one on this thread has suggested there are set protocols that are laid down to be followed - I made that very clear in my last post and pretty much every other one here, as have others - the *only* person that appears to be hung up on that point is you, and it appears to be your only response to any of the well thought out and reasoned responses to you.
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As for trying to twist words and posts, I think that's very much a case of pot, kettle and black personally!!
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Just as I can't help reading the OP a particular way, nor can just about everyone else on this thread that have read it the same way as me, and disagreed with you.
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But this is undeniably all getting very circular now so to summarise I think we can all agree that there are no set laid in stone protocols that should be followed and they are an individual thing specific to each dynamic and as such very much exist at different levels for each and every dynamic and defined by that dynamic.

[CopperKnob]

7 hours ago, intellectualruffian said:

There are only you, the OP, and one other. I’ll gladly talk with you on the matter if you like? I’ll easily explain to you exactly what I’ve been explaining to the OP. Ball’s in your court.
And I might address the male on the thread at some stage, but my focus was on the OP as it was her thread. But since her last message was a string of emojis, I’ll assume she has no input of substance left to provide. Maybe you’ll engage more.

Actually, I didn't challenge your viewpoint but no, I've no intention of engaging with you further given how I've seen you do so with others. You talk about respect but...

[ge****]

And to get this back on track - personally I like having protocols and structure around my submission, as agreed and defined between myself and a dominant.
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The act of kneeling, or various other positions, of not being able to speak unless spoken to, having to keep eyes lowered etc are all things I enjoy doing for those I have given myself to and that bring out my submission further.
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There's a beauty and inner peace in following protocols for me and it's something I have enjoyed watching in others.
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So thank you @maryioni for raising it as a topic

[ma****]

8 hours ago, gemini_man said:

And to get this back on track - personally I like having protocols and structure around my submission, as agreed and defined between myself and a dominant.
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The act of kneeling, or various other positions, of not being able to speak unless spoken to, having to keep eyes lowered etc are all things I enjoy doing for those I have given myself to and that bring out my submission further.
.
There's a beauty and inner peace in following protocols for me and it's something I have enjoyed watching in others.
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So thank you @maryioni for raising it as a topic

I totally understand you. I need, crave and want to have protocols as well; they quieten my mind. My mind would be all over the place without the structure the protocols offer.

And thank you too.

[dr****]

Thursday at 09:51 PM, intellectualruffian said:

To say there’s no protocol on the D/S dynamic is to simply tell the truth. You can repeat tidbits of terminology you’ve found online all you like, and even begin forum threads using said terminology in a bid to come across authentic and authoritative on the matter. But in the end, there simply is no protocol to follow in these dynamics. We build our dynamics as per our circumstances and every single scenario is different. Not one dynamic in the history of kink has ever been bound by the protocols you speak of, nor its structure or terminology, when building their own rule structure. In all honesty, it sounds like you’ve read some stuff online and regurgitated it in your own way to begin a forum thread. At least I brought the thread to life by highlighting its flaws.

I get everything you’re saying. Everyone is panicking to defend it, and pretend it was unique to her, not in any way suggesting it should be protocol for others when the title itself says “ for “a” d/s relationship, not “my” relationship . As well as “protocols in d/s dynamics or relationships”, which is most assuredly blanketing everyone involved.

[Ar****]

10 minutes ago, drinkofHeaven said:

I get everything you’re saying. Everyone is panicking to defend it, and pretend it was unique to her, not in any way suggesting it should be protocol for others when the title itself says “ for “a” d/s relationship, not “my” relationship . As well as “protocols in d/s dynamics or relationships”, which is most assuredly blanketing everyone involved.

Nah. No panic. Just clarification and not putting up with the notion that protocols don't exist (yes for some people, not everybody).

People who are making posts about themselves and their relationship/s don't give varying examples of situations which apply to multitudes of situations - it has already been observed how the OP used appropriate terminology to clarify how their post is neither blanketing nor suggesting the comments apply to all. If the post were about the OP in particular then being subjective it would not have been likely to get approved as a forum topic, being more suitable as a status update. It would have been specific to the OP. It wouldn't have effectively opened with "Somebody asked for help understanding protocols; this is how I explained it to them".

Picking at the thread title? Off the mark (because the only people saying the post is about the OP's relationship are projecting), but even if it was and the OP is in at least three dynamics simultaneously - you'd have to have one each for low, medium and high protocol since that's what the post mentions - that's like going into a bookshop and getting into a knot over a book in the History section because when you opened it up it was only about Modern History. Titles are there to help guide those who are interested to a thread's general topic in an efficient and concise manner while making content easy to find; the minutae are for the post itself.

[ey****]

I always took the original post in an "examples may include..." kind of way not as a "this is what it is and anyone who does kink any other way is wrong" kind of way.

A lot of people have protocol in their relationships either all the time, or just in play / certain circumstances.

Some folk might not.

Ultimately we all shape our own paths and relationships - but - if someone did want to explore protocol then this post is a good example.

[ma****]

9 hours ago, drinkofHeaven said:

I get everything you’re saying. Everyone is panicking to defend it, and pretend it was unique to her, not in any way suggesting it should be protocol for others when the title itself says “ for “a” d/s relationship, not “my” relationship . As well as “protocols in d/s dynamics or relationships”, which is most assuredly blanketing everyone involved.

The title says: "Protocols in D/s dynamics or relationships".... the title does not say "in ALL D/s dynamics".

My post doesn't say that all D/s dynamics MUST have protocols. You see absolutely nowhere in my post "all dynamics".

And no, I shouldn't have written "in my dynamic" because there are many D/s dynamics out there using one or all of the protocols I mentioned in my post. So my post is for all of those having protocols in their dynamics or those wanting a more structured dynamic. My post is also for others who might not use protocols, yet they want to learn for simply purpose of gaining a bit more knowledge... and those people do exist; I'm one of them... I like learning about things even if they wouldn't work for me.