(In)Equality in D/s dynamics

[DeviantInside]

Equal does not mean the same. From my experience equal means both people bringing something of equal value. What that is will vary but both will feel equally valued for what they bring. Sub or Dom doesn’t matter both should bring something and both should be valued and appreciated for it.

[Fa****]

There seems to be an awful lot of people on here misconstruing equality with power.

All persons (ought to be) are equal as humans. When we come together we are each as important as the other and are together to get our needs met - what I can take from you and what I can give in return is the beauty and intricacy of it.

Power, or the relinquishing thereof, doesn’t make someone less/more equal (or at least it oughtn’t), it shifts the POWER but not the equality.

Further, thinking that having control our power over someone makes them less equal speaks to privilege and an assumption that a person has a right to power over another.

If we are equating having power with the other person being less equal that teeters dangerously into what could be an abusive relationship.

If, however, we work from a position of equality where each party’s needs/wants/desires/limits are heard, respected and (where practicable) met then and only then it’s it possible to move in to a state of power imbalance. In this instance each knows what the other needs and they consent to giving it to each other through a power exchange whilst remaining equal partners. 

[DeviantInside]

Agree with this 100%. There is a MASSIVE misconception that submissive = weak. Just not true. I would say that of all the subs I have had the ones I have had the best relationships with I’ve been incredible, amazingly strong people. Nothing changes that. Their submission to me doesn’t change that. I mean fuck me… if anyone crossed their kids or grandkids (me included) I don’t think anything would have saved that person. They submitted time because (I like to think) I earned that trust and submission. Not because they were weak. And certainly not because they brought anything less to the relationship.

[Th****]

3 hours ago, DeviantInside said:

Agree with this 100%. There is a MASSIVE misconception that submissive = weak. Just not true. I would say that of all the subs I have had the ones I have had the best relationships with I’ve been incredible, amazingly strong people. Nothing changes that. Their submission to me doesn’t change that. I mean fuck me… if anyone crossed their kids or grandkids (me included) I don’t think anything would have saved that person. They submitted time because (I like to think) I earned that trust and submission. Not because they were weak. And certainly not because they brought anything less to the relationship.

Absolutely agree 👏👏👏

[VoodooQueen_]

5 hours ago, DeviantInside said:

Agree with this 100%. There is a MASSIVE misconception that submissive = weak. Just not true. I would say that of all the subs I have had the ones I have had the best relationships with I’ve been incredible, amazingly strong people. Nothing changes that. Their submission to me doesn’t change that. I mean fuck me… if anyone crossed their kids or grandkids (me included) I don’t think anything would have saved that person. They submitted time because (I like to think) I earned that trust and submission. Not because they were weak. And certainly not because they brought anything less to the relationship.

Yes. Absolutely this.

[Ki****]

I totally agree. In my opinion (and the way I feel it), all the power in hands of the Dominant is given (gifted) by the submissive part. Deserving that gift is part of the Dominant responsibility. After all, what matters is love and the main goal should be becoming happier by being as we really are, giving and receiving with someone we really like and being treated as we really want/need.
That's the way I see it, but I'm not very lucid after night shift 😁🤣🤦🏻‍♂️

[Ki****]

7 hours ago, DeviantInside said:

Equal does not mean the same. From my experience equal means both people bringing something of equal value. What that is will vary but both will feel equally valued for what they bring. Sub or Dom doesn’t matter both should bring something and both should be valued and appreciated for it.

Exactly, and both parts want the other's happiness (apart from self happiness)

[Co****]

Equality and power in the concept of a D/s dynamic are again not the same.
We can to and fro with the intricacies of the terms which is the joy of forum debates.

I’ll add again imo BOTH partners are equal and important in bringing mutually beneficial outcomes to the consented dynamic.

The operative word is CONSENT! if a S and D consent to a dynamic of power exchange they are equal in that they have established trust, boundaries, mutual benefit’s etc. each is heard and should continue to be heard in that sense.
Should a S feel they can speak up if something is moving out of negotiated boundaries?. Of course they should!

Abusive people will not seek consent to gain this power and the exchange will not be of mutual benefit.

Does this consent of exchange mean that S is weak - of course it doesn’t!.

From experience (long and varied with both M & F) the best S are those that are dominate and strong minded in their every roles in life.

[bu****]

You have to be dominant but within the parameters the sub is comfortable with. If you push a sub too hard you will only make them seek a new dom or leave the lifestyle all together. This is the hardest part of being a sub I think. Most have horror stories of doms immediately starting contact with what they will do to them and ignoring the fact they are still a person. You have to give your submissive respect, but you are just in control of certain aspects of the relationship. Imagine if your sub is only a sub in the bedroom. A dom who tries to push the dynamic to all aspects of life wouldn't be a good fit for that sub. Long story short in a healthy D/s relationship there is equality.

[Co****]

Most subs immediately start contact with what they want done to them, likewise ignoring the fact the Dom they are approaching is still a person!

Long short story is…Respect works both ways! And I’ll bring your comments back to the oh so important word - CONSENT!

[Ho****]

Coco your Domme?