I've always been fat. That word is a descriptor; it's not an insult. I used to take it as such, but growing up has shown me that it's the same as calling someone tall or skinny; labels can be used positively or negatively. Call me what you will, BBW, plus-size, curvy; they're all positive things to me now, although that wasn't always the case.
Growing up, I hated my body. That seriously put a dent in my self-esteem. For every compliment I got on how I looked, I was able to twist it into an insult. Catcalling by a stranger or a group of guys didn't help with my self-esteem either. Even after meeting my husband and confirming that he found me sexy, I still had minimal self-confidence. It was hard to believe I could ever be attractive.
Adverts permeate our day-to-day life, so even if you avoid magazines and newspapers like me, you still see idealized images on TV, posters, and on the sides of buses. We are surrounded by Photoshopped images that pressure us into believing we need to purchase this scent or that designer outfit to become attractive. I say hell to that. You are beautiful exactly as you are.
Plus-size, kinky, loud, and proud!
It was stepping into the kink and fetish world that helped me build self-esteem. I don't think I've ever experienced such a body-positive community before. Participating in large-scale erotic markets and fetish fairs revealed that people of all shapes and sizes confidently wore whatever they damn well wanted. Plus-size latex, for example, was a real eye-opener - I didn't realize it existed.
I was still quite reserved initially, and it took a long while to wear more revealing clothes. Over time I received more body-positive compliments, and my confidence grew. I then realized that I could wear whatever made me happy, and by doing so, I shone with self-confidence. When you believe in yourself, you're comfortable in your skin and clothing - other people see that and react in kind. That's the key, you know.
We all have parts of ourselves that we're not fans of. For me, it's my back because I have a few rolls. I've found that my pride in taking a beating which results in pretty marks, totally trumps any worries about my body. And in confidently displaying my body covered in spanking marks, I've realized that I'm a beautiful canvas to start with.
At my first kink play event, I was still quite reserved and marveled at the plus-size women's confidence wandering around topless or even nude in some cases. It took me a while to be as free and easy myself. What helped me was having marks to show off. I eagerly wanted to show off my bottom covered in cane marks and bruises, and soon I was even showing off my back.
"It might not happen overnight, but I’m confident that you can boost your self-esteem and confidence because if I’ve managed it, anyone can do it!" - Victoria Blisse.
Here are my five top body-positive tips for building self-esteem within the kink community.
Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.
Got body-positive tips to help build self-esteem? Sharing is caring kinksters; head to the Fetish.com forum or drop a comment below this article. Everyone is beautiful here!
Images: model released from Shutterstock.com
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