Demystifying Fetishes ​|​ Pansexuality Explained

Heterosexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian, trans, we're all familiar with these terms - but what about pansexual? Writer Sienna Saint-Cyr takes a look.

 

Finding a place for pansexuality

For years I struggled to fit into communities. I’m not heterosexual, so didn’t fit with that crowd. I didn’t fit in with the bisexuals either, though they are certainly more relaxed than most groups. I’m attracted to all types of people no matter what gender they claim or sexual preference they lean toward. When I’m drawn to someone, it’s because I’m attracted to who they are on a soul level. Not their body or gender.

A lot of groups don’t like this. I went to a couple of lesbian bars, and I was met with ridicule because I had a husband that I desired just as much as my female partners. I was insulted and labelled as merely ‘playing’ with women - as if it were an exploration or popular claim.

Being pansexual made it hard to find a welcoming community.

Pansexual: finally the label that fits

I left the lesbian bar scene, the trans bar too since I was met with just as much opposition there, and finally found my comfort in the kink community. They embraced me and accepted me for who I was. They didn’t try to put me in a box and keep me there. This is also where I learned what I am. Finally, I had a label that fit me; pansexual.

It took a little while for the word to get around. I began sharing that I was pansexual, and people looked at me with raised brows. Sometimes they still do. But this is who I am, so I’m vocal about it and speak out. I have to say, though, that I still haven’t found a group specifically for pansexuals. This isn’t something just pansexuals struggle with either, a lot of groups do. Whether it’s because of gender identity or sexual preference, it seems if you are not clearly marked heterosexual or gay, finding acceptance is difficult.

The kink community

Since I found approval in the kink community, I often suggest it even for vanilla folks. Because in that community most of us understand that our desires are vital to our happiness and we tend not to judge. To each their own mentality. Kinky folks embraced me being pansexual even when I didn’t fully understand who I was and what I was about yet.

Speaking at conventions, writing about my sexuality, sharing that I’m pansexual, all of these things have helped me find peace with myself. As it turns out, there are a lot of people embracing the pansexual label. So by speaking out and being proud of who we are, we make way for others to understand themselves and embrace who they are too.


Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. 

Were you already aware of what it meant to be pansexual? Do you identify with this sexuality? Share your thoughts in the Fetish.com forum.

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