There’s the Rub! Frotting and Frotteurism

Frottage is a well-known kink involving rubbing genitalia against another person – often not consenting – so, what is frotting exactly, and is there any difference? Victoria Blisse reflects on the meaning of both frotting and frotteurism and finds they both have their own unique definitions it's important for kinksters to understand.

What the frot?! Frottage comes from the French word ‘frotter', which means ‘to rub’, and as rubbing is essential to what frotting is, it makes total sense! You'd be forgiven if you assumed that frotting meant the same as frottage – after all the two words are derived from the same origins and sound similar. However, you'd be mistaken, because as you will find out, there are some distinct differences.  

What is frotting exactly?

Frottage is a specific kind of non-penetrative sex where someone with a penis derives sexual pleasure from rubbing an erection (and sometimes the testicles) against another person.
 

The term frotting was coined by by Bill Weintraub in the late 90s to specifically refer to two people rubbing their penises together for pleasure. He thought that anal sex was wrong and that it would die out because of the HIV crisis. It’s not just his term, though: many people do refer to frotting as the rubbing of two penises together.

So, while frottage and frotting sound so alike, they are actually quite different.

Slang terms for what frotting is exist and include things such as: 'Princeton rub', 'Ivy league rub' and 'doing it Oxford style', all spring from these places being men-only universities and binary thinking that these people all have penises. These slang terms for frotting are still used now.

Fruity for frotting? This kink involves two penises being rubbed together

So, how do you frot?

Fret not, the way to frot is not difficult! In frottage, one or more of the participants has a penis. They rub this penis against another person to feel good. This can be against any part of the body – feet, armpits, belly, vulva or another penis. Penis-to-penis rubbing is what frotting involves.
 

This can be in any position that you feel comfortable. Popular frotting positions include laying or standing face-to-face so that the undersides of both penises run side-by-side. One partner can then rub the two cocks together at the same time. 

“The term frotting was coined by by Bill Weintraub in the late 90s to specifically refer to two people rubbing their penises together for pleasure.”

Another approach is to lie top to tail and align the erections in the middle to rub against each other. Again, one person can grab both dicks and masturbate them simultaneously.

Is frotting only a gay thing?

Frotting is an act that involves two penises, so it is often seen as a gay-only activity. However, not only gay men have penises and not all heterosexual couples have an innie and an outie coupling. It’s much queerer than that. Frotting is a popular queer pastime and sometimes people use the word gay to encompass the whole LGBTQI community.

So, while frotting can be quite clearly a gay thing, it can also be enjoyed by any two penis-owners who want to give it a go. Just the same as tribbing is the act of two vulva owners rubbing their vulvas together – and anyone with vulvas can do that if they so desire – it doeesn't meant they identify solely as a lesbian.

Indeed, frotting isn’t straight sex in a binary sense, but anyone and everyone can enjoy frottage, no matter what genitals they have.

Two guys can practise frotting side-by-side, for example

OK, so what is Frotteurism?

Frotteurism is quite different and it is a specific term that means rubbing a penis up against another person non-consensually, very often in a crowded public space. It can be an activity that is embraced in a CNC (consensual non-consent) scene in an erotic and mutually beneficial way if everyone in the vicinity consents.
 

However, it's most often used referring to the paraphilia of rubbing against someone without their consent in public and this is never, ever right – if you do this you could be prosecuted, as it is an illegal act in many countries.

MORE LIKE THIS:

• Outdoor Masturbation and Public Self-Pleasure
• Being Kinky in Public or Violating Public Consent
• Molly's BDSM Tips: How to Navigate Consensual Non-Consent

Research indicates that 30% of men have indulged in frotteurism and 10-14% of men being treated for paraphilia (sexual attraction to atypical things) have frotteurism. It is a majority male paraphilia, often being seen in seemingly shy males aged between 15-25, but it can also occur in older guys too. It's incredibly rare in women; as a woman you’re more likely to be the subject of non-consensual frottage than to perform the act.
 

“Frotteurism is a specific term that means rubbing a penis up against another person non-consensually, very often in a crowded public space.”

If your frotteurism is causing you issues then please seek medical help. It is possible to undergo therapy to help so you can stop involving other people in your sex act non-consensually.

The final FET: frottage and frotting

‘To frot or not to frot, that is the question.’  Pretty sure that’s what Hamlet said (!), but I hope I've helped to explain what frotting is exactly. It’s a fun activity for mutual penis pleasure, and if you’ve not both got penises, then try frottage. It’s bound to heat things up with all that sexy friction (remember the lube!). •
 

Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.

Share your sexy frotting stories with others in our fetish.com forum and remember to add frottage to your profile to show others what you’re into. Then frot away and have lots of kinky fetish fun! 

Images shutterstock/Dean Clarke,