Molly’s BDSM Tips | Should a Dominant Dictate to their Sub?

8 minutes ago, Rock21RosesAndRopes said:

Is this kinda stuff more in the Daddy Domme/Mommy domain or in a live in style D/S style?!? 🤔 Because how would they have the time & energy to give like lifestyle advice which is part of a regular adults self-management & self-care aspects as well as domination etc?!? Id kinda hope that a Domme would already like & approve of a potential Subs style/looks & general presentation already to want to invest any time/energy in them.....I'd personally hate to have a Dominant person who'd want to change me because I need more self-acceptance and not less and I'd never want to be truly punished for what I am because I know what that's like and generally speaking I am what I am already and not likely to change-much 🤔

A sub would consent to these things it just wouldn't be forced upon them!!!! And it could be something simple as not wearing any knickers etc not just a full outfit! Again I say it comes to consent the sub will want that control over them just as much as the Dom will like to give those instructions. 

I got told once by a previous Dom that when we went out for a meal I was to wear a short type dress and put some stockings and suspenders on underneath.......I gave my consent to that happening, the Dom didn't force it upon me to do it.......and the thrill of it, going out wearing something that I normally wouldn't actually gave me confidence!!! It's not like he was telling me what to wear everyday but some dynamics will have that incorporated again I say it's whatever the people involved in the dynamic want and not up to anyone else to say anything different or judge 

On 5/12/2020 at 5:11 PM, lil-monster said:

A Dom would go through these things like a time for bed, a diet they should adhere to, exercise ect what they can and can't wear with the sub first. It all comes down to communication and consent.

Is this kinda stuff more in the Daddy Domme/Mommy domain or in a live in style D/S style?!? 🤔 Because how would they have the time & energy to give like lifestyle advice which is part of a regular adults self-management & self-care aspects as well as domination etc?!? Id kinda hope that a Domme would already like & approve of a potential Subs style/looks & general presentation already to want to invest any time/energy in them.....I'd personally hate to have a Dominant person who'd want to change me because I need more self-acceptance and not less and I'd never want to be truly punished for what I am because I know what that's like and generally speaking I am what I am already and not likely to change-much 🤔

yes

I honestly think dictate is the wrong word to be using in a the relationship. It has too many negative connotations when associated with any relationship. By the time this aspect of the relationship are determine there has to be multiple in-depth conversations about expectations and desires of both parties. Personally I would want everything spelled out in a contract whereby I know what the dynamics of that particular relationship is going to be. Once those perimeters are discussed and agreed upon I’d absolutely want and expect my Dom to hold me to the agreed upon terms and conditions of our agreed upon dynamic. The problem is that so many rush into a D/s relationship without having the important communication that lays out what each expects from the other and that is almost a guarantee that the relationship will fail as neither will be satisfied with the other. Personally I would expect my Dom to “dictate” what I can and cannot do to and with myself in all aspects of the relationship as those were the rules and conditions set forth with the expectation of a lasting D/s relationship.

Read all the way up to the end, where communication is key. Great article. Thank you BDSM Magazine. 😊

Yea

I usually seek approval of little things anyway, daft things like hair colour, nail polish, perfume, I've been debating on buying this, what do you think? Scenarios. I suppose in my head if my Sir doesn't like or approve I don't want to have it/wear it/do it. It's not so much him dictating, more me wanting to please, which is all part of my role inside and outside of the bedroom, it's not all sexual at the end of the day though that adds to the fun and gratification.

Any loyal sub should DM me and let’s have a nice sessions!❤️

A proffessional DOM....have to be desidesive for the sub..
make wise choice and healthy choice for.them

The question is "should a Dom dictate to Their sub?" The key words here is "their sub". By the time they are "their" sub, they should know their subs limits, likes and desires and have already moved past the getting to know each other part. I think the problem about the idea of the word "dictate" is some so called Doms think they can "Dictate" from the very first message when talking to a sub. Ive had Doms message me saying how they are going to dominate me. They failed to read my profile and missed the BIG basic detail about me being a Dom. If they fail as such a simple thing as reading, on what grounds do they think they can dictate? Each dynamic is unique to the parties in it and how much a Dom can dictate (if that's the word to use) is between them.

Great advice Molly! Very important!

I believe YES they should

1 hour ago, TJ_Pup said:

Every s is different... Not all subs want to give up totally... As not all Ds want to take totally ☺ 

This is what I said TJ it all depends what type of sub they are 😜

8 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

It’s not a black and white question and the answer would depend on the dynamic, relationship and type of submission. Is it not the dream of sub to be so trusty and willing to please the Dom that they give up totally to him. Confident that his choices will be the best for her, considering of course the health, safety and also the choices within reasons too.

Every s is different... Not all subs want to give up totally... As not all Ds want to take totally ☺ 

I believe Dom's rule in every aspect :)

Also, if we are not fucking I would never dictate. It’s fake. A woman needs a steady hand and respect; she’s ahead in her mental development anyhow.

I’m not a dom but a dominant switch. In fact I will tell her when to switch. I dictate; and as reward I do as she says and relinquish control from time to time. In the end if she slaps my hand it all stops anyhow and then we can have tea and cookies. If it doesn’t stop then we are in for a perverted trip and I’ll control her towards orgasms.

It’s not a black and white question and the answer would depend on the dynamic, relationship and type of submission. Is it not the dream of sub to be so trusty and willing to please the Dom that they give up totally to him. Confident that his choices will be the best for her, considering of course the health, safety and also the choices within reasons too.

YES, within the defined parameters of the dynamic and taking responsibility for creating the path of accomplishment.

Not sure if I could ever be a full-time sub with someone telling me what time I can go to bed!!

A D shouldn't 'dictate'. 

Both should come to an agreement, a good D will take the s thoughts and feelings into account - communication.

Rules may be set in place but those rules would first have to be discussed and agreed... Otherwise it won't work. 

Yes.

As a sub, I still have my own mind and desires. My Dom takes these into account before dictating what I should do otherwise it runs the risk of being non-consensual. D/s isn't an excuse for a Dom to treat a sub like they are nothing. Boundaries and limits should always be discussed. Once they are agreed then dictate away within them. As a D/s relationship develops continue negotiating the boundaries and limits, as trust develops the Dom may have more room to dictate their subs daily life :)

A Dom would go through these things like a time for bed, a diet they should adhere to, exercise ect what they can and can't wear with the sub first. It all comes down to communication and consent.

Of course they should.

Go for it my behaviour goes ott at times