Ever find yourself stupid-in-love, in a long- term relationship but not having as much sex as you used to? Writer Leo Larkin went on the hunt for some top relationship advice on the matter, and he discovered that role playing games can be a major turn-on.
I held my breath as I stepped quietly into the hallway. The flat was completely quiet, and I smiled slightly, prowling forward. Suddenly, a woman walked past the door of the room ahead, crossing into my field of vision – was I about to be caught? Well, maybe that wouldn't be so bad because I wasn't just any burglar. I was a sexy burglar. And in this sexual fantasy, getting caught was about to turn into something a lot more fun than getting arrested.
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Playing out your sexual fantasies can be good for your sex life
Role play have become something of a punchline for many people, at least in the mainstream media. The image of a couple in a relationship playing demanding boss, and hapless new guy, or sexy burglar and surprised homeowner do seem a little silly on the face of it. Within the kink community, the idea of role playing games are accepted, but the stereotype is looked down on, maybe because it's seen as not being serious enough.
And that's a shame because role playing games can actually be very healthy in a relationship. They're a great way to introduce some of your deepest sexual fantasies, while still keeping the trust and intimacy of an existing relationship, which is what some of the latest relationship advice sources tell us.
Change up the relationship - add some spice
Everyone knows that variety is the spice of life. Unlike most things everyone claims to know, science actually backs this one up. Researchers at Stony Brook University in New York are studying how trying new experiences together can reinforce the sense of “self-expansion.” Based on their advice and findings, doing new things or exploring new places together can make the relationship more fulfilling and therefore stronger.
Now, obviously, these scientists weren't studying couples who were experimenting with sexual fantasies or those who decided to change things up in bed. Still, the principle is very much the same. It's a well-worn observation that sex in a long-term relationship becomes less exciting – or at least less frequently exciting in the relationship.
It isn't because the partners don't love each other or no longer find each other attractive. But it may be because sex, even between people in love, can eventually become predictable, which is why we have compiled some advice for any of you reading this who are looking for something to liven up your relationship. Even the smallest change can add a whole new spark to a tired sexual dynamic. And role playing games are a great way to make that change within a set of agreed boundaries.
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Sexy housewife role playing game.
Boundaries make it better in role playing games
One universal term within the kink community is “play.” Breath play, edge play, age play: you name it, and we'll play with it. It's a perplexing term if you think about it: getting choked by a partner doesn't really sound like most people's idea of play. Or does it? It is, after all, just one of many people’s sexual fantasies.
When sociologists and cultural historians give their advice or views about play, they often disagree on the definition. But one common belief is that play is an activity that is clearly separated from the outside world but also refers to it. The boundaries of the play space are usually clear: it is acceptable to hit someone during a boxing match, for instance. But no one would ever think that because it's OK to hit a boxing opponent during a match, it's OK to hit them at other times.
Play around with your inappropriate fantasies
In this way, role playing games let us bring ideas that aren't appropriate for real life into the bedroom and play around with them. It's not appropriate for a teacher to sleep with her students, for instance. But that doesn't stop couples from playing around with the idea and having it be fucking hot.
It’s many people’s sexual fantasy in actual fact! A real-life burglar isn't going to be a charming rogue who ends up in your bed. But it's fun to imagine that he might be for a little while. After all role playing games can be as kinky and saucy as you want them to be, especially in your own relationship. Role playing games have an aura of pretend, of play, around it that makes it a way to experiment with new ideas. Everyone involved knows that it's just a game, which insulates it from the real world of the relationship. But at the same time, games are better when you take them seriously in the moment.
Trust makes it work
Everyone loves new relationship energy, the queasy, exciting mixture of surprise and anticipation that comes with a new partner. And lots of people find the excitement of one-night stands irresistible. The problem, of course, is that one-night-stands can turn out to be bad in bed – or worse, crazy.
That's why one of the most common sexual fantasies people play out is the casual encounter. Book a hotel room, go to the hotel bar, flirt and chat as though you've just met. The scenario ends in a thrilling one-night stand with someone you've known for years. It's the perfect sexual fantasy: the excitement of a new lover with the guarantee that it will actually be someone you're compatible with. And with that compatibility hopefully, comes trust. After all, revealing a fantasy can be difficult. You don't want to feel judged for what turns you on. In a new relationship, that can be a challenge. In an established one, it's something you can hopefully expect.
Leo Larkin is a writer here at Fetish.com. He's also me. Or ... close enough, anyway. I write about history and the humorous side of sex. Despite the fact that Leo is a pen name, I am a real person.
Have your own advice on kinky role playing games? Maybe you’ve got some saucy sexual fantasies you’d like to share? Spill all in the Fetish.com forum.
Images: via Shutterstock.com
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