Slave Rules | A Submissive's Responsibilities

I agree with the comments about the importance of understanding the definitions between categories of person.  When I contact a Dom who may be a Sadist, definitions seem often to be interpreted differently - often as I am  Submissive, that I am the same category as a Slave. In particular, that I have no right to state my limits or preferences.

I would hope that when I agree to do a particular play scene with a play partner, that what we have decided to do as play is 'only play' even if it does mean impact play. I don't want violence. I don't want to find myself spending the night in hospital due to a 'misunderstanding ' caused during play.

 I set my limits and agree to doing particular types of play with the Dom before we engage in action. At least, that is what I would propose to be doing. However, it does seem that some players reckon they can be Sadists just because they seem to believe it gives them an opportunity to act like a bully.  Fair enough, if being bullied is your kink then that is up to you. But that isn't my fetish, thanks. 

I need to trust my play partner, so  if an accident happened during a play scene, that medical assistance would be contacted. That I would not be left abandoned or tied up & in pain.  I'd like to think that setting limits and being able to say a safe word would be common sense. But often I am told that Subs should not give any opinion about anything. Or make decisions about what they want in a play scene. It makes no difference what age the person is who is playing this scene.

There does not seem to be a sense of equality within the kink play despite both players seemingly of equal strength.  Yet we both can be equally vulnerable. We both reply on each other during play especially when bondage and other interactions take place which require relying on the other player to monitor a situation (e.g. breath play, impact play, cutting, piercing etc) where bodily fluids are involved. How many players know how to clean up body fluids correctly? How many know First Aid?

It takes courage to be a Submissive. Because you as a Submissive, is giving something to the play scene which the Sadist or the Dominant can't do without. The Sadist and the Dom both need a play partner. The strength of the Sub and the Slave are important roles which the play scene can't do without. So we (Subs and Slaves) need to be nurtured, cared for and cherished for what we provide to the enjoyment of the fetish scene.

 

Yes!!! This is something I've covered when mentoring, and have had many a debate about. It's not ok to introduce so many limits purely as a means to drive the scene to be the way you want it. If you want to be a submissive, then by its very nature you submit. Yes of course, genuine limits should be adhered to. 

But topping from the bottom in that way is no way to submit. 

I've also known far too many subs who seen to forget that we're all still human. Doms drop too and need subs to be there for them, doms have bad days, emotions, feelings. It is selfish to expect a Dom to purely be there for a sub and to expect nothing in return. It's a 2 way dynamic. 

I liked the article and thought it made quite a few good points, but the one thing I think it misses the point on, is the differences between those who identify as slaves, and those who identify as submissives, as submissives have a huge range of variations to them.

I'm making this point as the category headings say slave rules, but the context is saying submissives, and the 2 are extremely different.

So for a willing slave that lives the life 24-7, apart from the agreed limits they are totally controlled by the dominant in the relationship.

Where as the submissives are far too diverse to apply the same rules to them, though respect, honesty, commitment to promises should come as standard in any kind of relationship or whats the point in even committing to anything?

I guess the best analogy I can give to explain as it's something that gets misunderstood by a lot of people is the differences between someone being transgendered and someone being a transsexual.

The transsexual is like the slave, they are 100% committed to it 24-7, no ifs no buts, that is what they are.

The transgendered are like the submissives, range from hairy panty wearers to shemales, the spectrum of diversity is so great it would take hours to even break it all down, and even then there would still be some that didn't fit in the boxes created.

And I would say it's similar for Dominants too, you have true Dominants, those who can't be anything but being Dominant, it's hard wired into them from birth.

Then you get normal Dominants who can vary it like a dimmer switch depending on the situation, some can switch a little, some a lot, but still be naturally Dominant.

So as a slave, submissive, Dominant, True Dominant, you have to first work out just what kind of mental connection you have with that person way before you even consider the D/s dynamic.

But thats just something I've learned over the years being with a True Dominant and watching her interactions with others and the situations we both been in and worked our way through.

But the section: Slave rules for being honest about needs and wants

All subs & slaves should follow that, you can't be mindless, you have to speak up and say what you need, or it just won't work.

 

I read this article two or three times to remind me  of my wants, and what I should accept. Submission 

Is has given me a better understanding of my want to be controlled.

Great tips! Well thought out and relatable 💋

Thank you for the great advice.

Thanks for the Great Advice

Very helpful! I'll take as much advice as I can get. And I've been reading a bunch of things written by Kayla Lords...so good!

 

Great advice...👍👍👍

Some great advice for people here. I sometimes get so frustrated at the expectancy of us to be mind readers. Put on your big boy/girl pants and speak up or things will only get worse. Communication is absolutely vital.