Founded in 2008, FetLife.com and the FetLife app have now been serving the kink community for over 15 years. It describes itself as a social network site – rather than one aimed at BDSM dating. But is the fusion of social media and kink a beautiful place to find other kinksters? Let's find out...
FetLife goes all out for the dark colours of BDSM; black and red with a few shades of grey. It's undeniable that you're not just browsing a vanilla social media site when you try a FetLife login.
There are lots of porn ads too – usually only small ones – but they are often explicit. The FetLife app uses the same colors and has a very similar layout. However, with the FetLife app, it's much more streamlined for mobile use.
The FetLife sign-in page
It's straightforward to sign up for the FetLife app or online. You have lots of genders, sexual orientations and fetish roles to choose from, so everyone is welcome.
There is a security feature that means before you can complete your first FetLife login you need to give a phone number so they can send you a code to complete registration, which means you can only have one account per email, making it harder for people to create fake accounts.
When you've registered on the FetLife app, you can fill in your profile with a photo and complete the 'about me' information including what you're looking for.
A FetLife login works like changing your status on Facebook or adding a new pin on Pinterest, but if enough people like or comment on your post it could end up on the Kinky & Popular page making you a 'fetlebrity', at least for a short while.
“The FetLife app is not easily accessible – Android users can't find it on Google Play because it does not stick to the app store regulations.”
Finding your way around after a FetLife login can take a bit of time, but you can enjoy the site without leaving your homepage once you make a few friends as all their content will show up in your feed. Finding people to 'friend' can be done by listing your fetishes and finding who else is into them or joining groups and chatting to other users there.
The FetLife Explore page has different types of social feeds to browse
Do you have an iPhone? If so, then you won't be able to download the FetLife app to your phone. That's because the app is currently only available for Android users. Furthermore, the FetLife app is not easily accessible – Android users can't find it on Google Play because it does not stick to the app stores' regulations.
Instead, the installation process for the FetLife App is very different – you must go to the FetlLife site and download the app as a .apk file and then manually install that on your phone.
Unlike the FetLife app, our very own FET app respects the 'hard limits' of mainstream app marketplaces like Google Play and the AppStore to foster real change (which always comes from the inside out).
A key element of our mission is to demystify fetishes and alternative lifestyles, and that's only possible if you create tolerance and acceptance within society by being an accessible part of it, instead of playing the rebellious outsider role.
What is FetLife but a place for kinksters to meet online? That is one of its principal purposes. Indeed, there are loads of ways to connect to others on the FetLife app.
Just like Facebook, there's a box where you can update your status. You can comment on another member's content, be it their writing or photo/video. Be aware that comments are public, and once you post, it stays there for ever. Comments cannot be deleted: you have been warned!
Additionally, there are lots of groups for all kinds of fetishes, and you can join as many of these as you like and connect with other people, into anything from hair pulling to macrophilia. Also, like with us here on Fetish.com you can add kinks and fetishes to your profile – not only does this show visitors to your profile what you're into, it also allows you to browse others that are into the same kinks as you.
Some of the many groups on FetLife App
The best way to get dates is to know lots of people who are into the same things as you. Like Fetish.com and the FET app, FetLife and the FetLife app is free to join, although there's an inexpensive membership package at $5 a month that helps support the site and comes with a few extra perks.
You can watch videos, go further back in your news feed, see all photos and writings as soon as their uploaded and customize your friend feed however you like.
You can't pay with credit cards or bank transfer, though, which makes the process a little more involved – this is so that FetLife can keep discussing subjects that credit card providers and banks don't allow. FetLife is not expensive at all, but you can use the FetLife app effectively without spending a single dime.
The community guidelines and FAQs are extensive. They cover every aspect that a fetish community might face including tough questions on stalking and fearing for your life.
“It's undeniable that you're not just browsing a vanilla social media site when you try a FetLife login. There are lots of porn ads too – usually small – but they are often explicit.”
But what is FetLife doing about support? You need to follow the staff and leave them a message if you have a problem, which is my most significant area of concern. On John Baku’s profile (the founder), it says that the fastest way to get hold of them is to send an email to the support(at)fetlife.com address. Responses to emails are slow or never come.
It is disappointing that a vibrant community such as FetLife lacks the proper support structure. If safety is such a key feature, then support should be quick to respond.
What is FetLife? An amalgam of a porn site, kink community and BDSM dating site. It can depend on who you are and what you're looking for as to if you find it useful or not. •
Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.
Do you love a FetLife login as much as us? Is there anything about it that gets on your tits? Share your thoughts with our kinky community. or tell us in the comments below.. And, if you like FetLife and the FetLife app you'll love Fetish.com and our FET app!
Cover image released from Shutterstock.com
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