I’m glad my words could be of use. Don’t know if I can advise much about this site as after how little concern there was regarding the point I raised here in this post I concluded I was better off spending my online time on some creative and tech projects instead and what time I might have looked Read more… for kink playmates online going to physical munches instead.
I was going to pass over this notification as I have previous ones since my post but the language of not getting to choose and having choice taken away I feel I ought to respond. Never allow someone to take all your choices away. Even in power exchange or the most extreme roleplay like CNC you retain the choice of whether to comply with what is asked of you or whether to safeword/signal to have it stop. Never let anyone make you believe that to be a submissive means giving up the ability to make that choice.
Now when it comes to people instantly behaving as a dominant or submissive from the first message you have the choice of continuing to engage with them or choosing to disqualify them from further consideration. I would personally recommend the later. Many BDSM activities are potentially dangerous and regardless of whether looking for dom, sub or switch you need to ensure that your partner is sufficiently ground in reality to ensure safe practices, before you look to engage in fantasies with them. A sub that chooses to ignore the discomfort from a knot that has slipped out of place the dom hasn’t noticed to maintain behaving like a “perfect sub,” is a danger onto both of them. Just as a dom that believes they’re so domly they don’t need to learn the safe way to approach certain kinks or takes it as a personal insult if a sub safewords is a danger to others.
But anyway I’ll stop myself there before I go rambling off into all the various ways some people get lost in their own fantasies that they’re no longer grounded enough to connect with a real person instead of some caricature they wish to stand in their fantasies but it’s way off topic and I should be getting back to those projects I mentioned earlier. As such I’ll just leave it on the summary that if they can’t first connect with the real you, don’t expect them to be connected enough to the realities of playing safe either, or in being invested in your safety. I’m currently torn as to whether this means searching for a kinky partner on a dedicated kink site where you know everyone is kinky or using a regular dating site where you allude to kinkiness is the better way to go as I’ll be honest I don’t think most websites are designed for people to succeed much in this area but that’s off topic and a discussion for another day.

I take it by their shock they weren’t people you had invited by like a personal advert go past wearing a specific thing or carrying an specific item to indicate they consented to being approached and so instead were directly engaging vanilla members of the public at lunch time to play a part in Read more… your play without getting their consent first… or any aftercare either.
I’m not going to repeat any of the points already raised above but I’m surprised with all the comments and likes this has got so far I’m the only one to have an issue with this.
If seeking an audience, there’s Chaturbate and dungeons where consenting audiences can be sought.
If it is the risk of getting caught then things like going to the woods very late at night or being in a car in the remotest corner of a car park.
There’s even use hypnosis that can have a submissive visualise they have an audience when they don’t.
Even with that described scenario could have had the submissive hide in a well-covered bush away from any paths put something like a frisbee in front of the bush and prepared some cards to hand to people passing by saying, “Hi I’m looking after a submissive pet player, they are currently hidden in the bush with the frisbee. If you are curious and would like to say hi to them please take a look inside the bush and try to look surprised whilst doing so. They have been instructed to explain why they like to be a pet to anyone that asks, I shall be observing from a distance to ensure their safety. If this doesn’t interest you please continue walking on, pay little regard to the bush and discard this card in a recycling bin. Thank you.” It might get a few choice words from people and certain looks but at least you’d be taking appropriate steps to ensure anyone interacting with your scene has consented.
Consent isn’t just a box ticking exercise you do just to get a partner but an ethical duty of care to extend to everyone. I don’t particular care whether a submissive makes juggling everything look effortless or is just about managing to do whatever they need to do to get by but whether they’re willing to raise an objection if a dominant might be doing something unethical is a better gold standard in my books. Granted given it is still a minority of people that pass the Milgrim experiment this century I’ll just make the selfish case for this as well… How someone treats complete strangers reflects directly on how they will eventually treat you when the relationship grows cold and they no longer consider making a special exception for you.

No worries, I didn't think you'd be of any further assistance. I have taken the liberty of reporting my own initial reply in this post along with the message, "Posters later in thread have accused this of being off topic, please review this and subsequent posts in this thread and make a judgement Read more… and give appropriate feedback," to the moderating team so they might be able to clear things up for me.

Well I thought I was remaining on the topic of why it is beneficial to attempt to be more of a Jack of all Trades than to stick to mastering one.
You can make any point you like in a way that is either polite or rude. Either of you could, as I have requested, politely explain why I've either Read more… missed the point or why you don't think it is on topic. Or you could both rudely claim I didn't understand things without explaining them or dismiss them as a "post pirate".
It isn't rude to wish for a discussion topic to go any particular way. It is rude, if you are not a moderator to take it upon yourself to gatekeep to say only those that meet your criteria may contribute to a conversation.
One of the reasons I am this site is to learn, I know at times I can be a little verbose when it comes to making my points - it is a bane of my own existence being an unfortunate consequence of my dyspraxia struggling to organise my thoughts coherently. But a point being long doesn't automatically make it off topic, if you'd care to explain why I've either not got the point of the topic or why mine is not in support of that topic I'm all ears to learn.

The point I got from the original point was the suggestion that rather than sticking rigidly to one thing reaching outside of our comfort areas allows us to become more rounded individuals and learn more to be better able to cater to future partners.
I agreed with that point and wished to Read more… contribute other benefits I also thought came from doing that.
My mistake was believing this was a community open to a diverse range of perspectives. If I have indeed misinterpreted the original post I'd welcome the opportunity for someone to explain it further so that I might learn more. I don't see how any community is benefitted by responding simply with rudeness and contempt to anyone attempting to make an honest contribution to a discussion.

Hear, hear. I’ve long subscribed to the longer variation of, “Jack of all trades, a master of none but oft better than a master of one.” As a result in the real world I’ve degrees in Combined STEM and Psychology and have gained experience in graphic design, video and audio production and post Read more… production, web design, software development, 3D modelling and animation, creative writing and engineering as a result.
Sure as a Jack I’m aware of my limitations in each area I work in (which is better than someone that doesn’t know their own limitations to begin with) but where it truly allows me to shine is in creativity.
Creativity is all about making connections. Asking how things relate or how can I use this thing in another area and so forth. Steve Job’s linking his interest in calligraphy with computers resulted in introducing multiple fonts to computers. And everything Leonardo Da Vinci did was a result of not constraining his creativity to a single area.
In terms of kink I keep trying to explore areas I’m unfamiliar with. Even if I think it might not like it (I can sometime be surprised) but usually for two other reasons. The first reason is I’d like to understand why others like it in case a future partner of mine also likes that thing so I can better accommodate it. My favourite avenue of domination is pleasure control and so I can derive satisfaction from satisfying my partner’s desires (even if it is one I don’t share) for a reward as well as enjoy teasing and denying it for fun or a punishment.
The second reason is that it can help inspire other ideas. My thing is that I like to create kinky games – not just out of other games but out of anything really from self-development goals to chores. I like to find ways of making things I’d personally find boring more entertaining by building a game around it. And so by looking through some areas I wasn’t initially interested in I’ve been able to come up with fun kinky games based off some of them that can be a fun way of trying something different that I’ll add to my “101 Kinky Games to Play With a Partner” (in truth I’ve actually probably now got way over 101 game ideas noted down but that’s a better title than whatever the real number probably is).
But anyway the short version of all that is being a Jack also stimulates creativity that can help prevent things going stale which that alone is worth considering even without all the benefits of learning and self-improvement to go with it.

I hope you're not trying to bring me into this by implication with that "few others" comment.
It is clearly stated throughout CopperKnob's original piece the thesis on which she ended the piece, "But, I assure you, it’s entirely possible to be both strong and submissive."
The piece itself is a Read more… clear satire of dominant types telling people they shouldn't be a submissive for having a strong personality - a point which you outright dismissively question with the first line of the first post you've made in this thread with, "Such an irony. Submissives are supposed to be _____ and _____? Really?!"
To loosely riff off the phrase "the best teachers are the ones that tell you where to look but not tell you what to see," there is a massive gulf between asking questions that allow people to find an answer that is true for them and actively telling someone what they believe about themselves is wrong and they should instead be something else.
Of course submissives can be strong and independent - asserting that they must always be a sign they should instead be a dominant is nonsense. I mean even the vanilla world believes in the stereotype of a male CEO type with a dominant personality seeking BDSM to be submissive - if they can accept that then the inability to accept strong and independent women can also wish to be submissive within BDSM is arguably sexist.
The earlier comments I raised have nothing to do with trying to tell someone they were wrong about the identity they have chosen and indeed my concerns about whether certain comments might constitute switch-erasure or imply people can't explore types of play different than what they seek in a relationship because those concerns apply even more so your own implication that having a strong and independent personality means a person must be dominant a thesis you persisted to put forward. I haven't addressed them until now as by continuing to question the OP's choice of identity you seemed to be on collision course for a showdown and it wasn't my place to interfere in the OP's choice on how they chose to respond to it. I only fight other people's battles either when they invite me to or when nobody else seems to be around to make their case for them. But if you're inviting me by implication that would be a mistake as my earlier criticisms apply even more so to your writings and you will not be finding any support for your position from me so don't try to invoke it to strengthen your position.
Having clarified my position on that invocation I have nothing further to say on the matter and am moving on to other things. My suggestion would be to drop the defensiveness, apologise for implying someone was wrong for choosing the identity they have and just move on. Further defensiveness and arguing is just digging a bigger grave for oneself.

@CopperKnob As I stressed I didn't for one moment think it was intended, nor was I accusing you of anything, nor would I wish to try persuade anyone to be anyone other than who they feel they are or want to be - my own attitude is that people should be free to explore their identity and kink on Read more… their own terms but that if they would like help exploring anything I am happy to assist them but even then I believe their journey of discovery should be led by the person themselves. I can totally understand the frustration when people attempt to tell you should be this or that. I've had it happen to me many times myself. And I'm aware your previous point wasn't about brats - I raised it as I have previously spoken in depth of my love of Brats which along with being ***ed by the stigma directed at them motivates me to defend them and that I hoped knowing that it would be understandable why I also feel compelled to point out when something else could potentially misconstrued against switches that can also be stigmatised in different ways.
All I was intending with my last comment was to point out that the implication that exploring one thing for play purposes means it must extend to the relationship as well as its associate inverse preposition that if you are one thing in a relationship a person shouldn't explore anything counter to that for the purpose of play is itself a notion that when made should be challenged (whether that point was made accidentally or not) to ensure it doesn't propagate as not only is it harmful to switches, it is harmful to the notion of people being able to freely explore any aspect of themselves that they may wish to do without constraint. As this is a public forum in which that point can be misconstrued by others - this is after all the internet where 100 different people can read 100 different interpretations of the same thing and take anything out of context - my only desire was to limit the potential damage such notion could have done.
I'm sorry if anything I said caused any hurt or offense, it was not in intended and I would be saddened if any was caused. I do not wish to seek any conflict but I wouldn't be living with integrity if I didn't seek to clarify something I thought might be harmful to anyone. Whilst I've enjoyed our interactions with the Brat Grimoire and enjoy reading your postings immensely and agree wholeheartedly with the vast majority of them I am happy to skip and ignore all future postings if this slight disagreement has in anyway caused discomfort.

I’m glad that you are comfortable and happy with your kink identity, I do not wish to challenge that, as I’ve always said brats are awesome and will always defend them from the usual stigma.
Just have to challenge the inference here that exploring dominant roles for play also necessitates being Read more… dominant within a relationship. Unless we say all switches have multiple personality disorder when it comes to relationships it would imply switch-erasure as dominance and/or submissiveness is only ever true if it also extends completely to the relationship. Indeed, it also excludes those that make BDSM play secondary to a vanilla relationship.
Whilst I’m absolutely sure that wasn’t your intent and were just meaning to restate your submissive identity (all power to you) as I mentioned previously, believe more submissives should seek to be strong and independent. Despite my being sure it was unintended, just wanted to clarify and set the case for switches, just as I would for brats, for any statement that a reader could misconstrue in a disfavourable way before they might indeed do that. No matter how much I might enjoy the author’s writing. I hope this won’t be misconstrued as looking for a conflict, keeping you from your bratting ways is the last thing I’d want please go forth and brat to your heart’s content, but merely to clarify something that others could misconstrue into reinforcing other stigma.

As comfortable as I have got with my shadow side and dominance I hope I will always remain concerned about what might happen if I went too far. Hubris doesn't manage one's own personal darkness, knowing the lines and limits you won't cross do.
I myself put off looking into my shadow for years. I Read more… committed to not having the same sort of toxic relationship my parents had. I made my partners' freedom and liberty a safeguard against that ever happening. I shunned status symbols and keeping up appearances in favour of truth and authenticity - of both the warm connecting kind and the cold brutal kind. I committed to putting others before myself - much to my masochistic side's probable enjoyment. I explored various different kinks but for years skirted around BDSM afraid of what dark side exploring it might bring out in me.
As well as I had the black hole of my shadow under control to not expose it to the outside world I could not prevent it from turning on me. It became the self loathing that fuelled bouts of depression. It became the anger I directed at myself for not doing more to stand up for myself - despite being so good at doing it for others - when I should have been.
The thing about the shadow though is that whilst you can try seek to control it you can't defeat with direct confrontation, it is a part of yourself. BUT what we often forget as we stand looking into the vast darkness and wonder how we can deal with it is that actually we as human beings have a marvellous ability to turn the darkness into light (we can also sadly do the opposite to but that is a subject for another time).
We can turn the darkest of moments and thoughts into the wickedly funny dark humour that can amuse not just us but others around us. Our brains can turn traumatic events into kinks to derive future pleasure from. The key to managing our shadows aren't completely bottling them up, nor are they to pass on the crap and anger people direct at us to someone else but instead to siphon the darkness to create something positive with it.
Now granted I'm not much of a physical sadist, I don't derive anything from giving a spanking or any *** play itself - though I do derive enjoyment from a masochistic partner's own enjoyment of my fulfilling those needs so am quite happy to spank and do *** play. No I'm more an emotional sadist, enjoying things like teasing, denial and at its most darkest *** - but again I don't want to just go out humiliating anyone, and I certainly don't want to emotionally destroy a partner (indeed I enjoy being able to build them up and help them meet their own personal self development goals even more), no even with *** my desire is to pursue it with a partner that also gets enjoyment from it. If I can channel my dark urges in such a way in which they they're also getting a pleasurable satisfaction I'm turning my dark urges into something mutually beneficial and good. Whether they want to be my secret personal slut or they want me to make them a big sploshy mess or whether they want debasement another way is less important, I'm happy that my darker urges are bringing joy than genuine harm.
But having found ways to siphon of the darkness, with dark humour, exploring kinks in mutually beneficial ways etc the big black hole that was my shadow I feel is now no longer that big scary barely uncontrollable thing but more like the actual shadow that follows me during the day, a sort of companion that follows me everywhere with the dark sense of humour. And I do say companion now as they do sometimes know what is best for me to say when I do need to stand up for myself. But like any friend they can still be an arse at times but you don't always have to take your friends advice all the time. They are now on an equal footing with me, not this giant blackhole and I can just as easily say no to them like saying no to a friend. Just so long as I ensure I can find a positive outlet to satisfy them later so they don't revert back to their monstrous black hole ways.
Anyway I've blabbered on for far more than I should have so I'll shut my trap but just before I do. I know you've stated how you wish to remain a submissive and that's absolutely fine and great if you do, but if for any reason you or anyone else reading this who has similar ***s about exploring a dominant side I am happy to talk through the emotional side and concerns people might have if they'd like to explore that part of themselves then feel free to drop me a message. The ***s can be worked on. Confidence is the exact same adrenalin rush as *** except that instead of wanting to run we know and have the experience of what to do that instead that rush energises us to 110% to be able to do what we know what we want and have to do.

I’ve been pretty lucky in some ways that I was able to explore much of my kinky personality without some of the dogma around being the perfect dom or sub, stigma against switching or brats.
One thing I have found as I got older was that I was often emphasising certain personality traits and Read more… suppressing others to project a certain image. To fit in with this group or to be that model student/employee etc.
And I’d wind up drinking my own hype thinking that who I was were those personas but in reality parts of me were going neglected in my subconscious. Carl Jung would say those suppressed part of me would form my shadow and anima.
When I later took my time to explore them I often found that whilst I’d mostly consider myself x or y that I often also had a little bit of the opposite of x and y in me too. Indeed exploring that, my shadow self, and realising that I was in control of it was part of my journey that I needed to do before I was comfortable entering the world of BDSM – before that I was probably ***ful of what dark traits it would uncover in me that I kept away from exploring it for so long. Now I am satisfied with myself that I can explore BDSM in which I’ve been integrate my shadow side to not be a danger to anyone.
I had a similar thing when I explored my gender, in the quest to be what society dictates masculinity can be I had suppressed parts of my feminine side to conform to it. I still predominantly presenting as a man but I’m comfortable occasionally taking my anima for a spin. Even if it does mean about 90% of the dating pool now writes me off as no longer being a “proper man.” For one thing clothes don’t make the man and if you define masculinity by superficial things like the car they drive, the drink they drink and whether they’re willing to get rough sexually with you rather than living true to themselves with integrity and virtue then I wonder why some many are surprised to only find superficial men? And FYI occasionally throwing on a dress doesn’t mean I’m not also willing to do the rough sex part.
Sure there are probably many doms and subs out there that might be suppressing another part of themselves to be the perfect dom or sub but we can’t really make a blanket statement that all are like this. People still can choose what they wish to present as and I totally agree that being able to give a partner the freedom to explore other parts of themselves and new kinks is indeed like watching a flower bloom and I love being able to help people do that.
Though at the same time I wouldn’t want to undermine the message here that submissives can be independent by saying that doing so shows some latent dominant side as it implies that true submissives can’t be personally independent which I think is potentially dangerous. If anything submissives should strive to be personal independent as a safeguard to never become dependent on a dominant that might turn bad or abusive, their submission to a dominant should always be because they want it, not because they have no other option but to comply.