How do I get my subs to spank me?..

[DrMacEoin]

3 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

The vanilla "marital advice" examples you give are *still* ***. It's all quite icky really, definitely some 🚩🚩

 

How exactly is it different from "she didn't want anal, I persuaded her to try it, and now she BEGS me for anal"?

[DrMacEoin]

16 minutes ago, BackRubsNBruises said:

I’m reading your responses and they’re worrying me. It sounds like you mentioned it, got told no, mentioned it, got told no, and repeat until you mentioned it and convinced them to try.

This is called *** and it is not the same as consent.

The he whole post is honestly feeling like you’re parading your “wins”

Ultimately, the simple answer to your original question is still… you say “hey, I am into xyz” your partner says “I am/not into xyz” can you find a middle ground where you’re both happy if they don’t want what you do? You sound like you’ve been around for a while, this is basic stuff that your comments suggest you have a grasp of so I’m not sure why you even posted. @ThaliaV… thoughts?

Well, if you were reading my posts… then half of the stories were about ME BEING ***D to do what I initially didn't want… but ended up loving!

[DrMacEoin]

3 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

Separately... if you purchase something *for* someone else regardless of the reason it's pretty bad form to think you have any right to them in a breakup. Even if they never touched the thing and they sat in storage, the item ceases to be yours once you buy it for someone else and gift it to them. 

I never said that I wanted to take the gear from her. My whole point (which YOU COMPLETELY MISSED) was that she had been reluctant at first but became SO MUCH into it that she clung to her gear for dear life.

[DrMacEoin]

3 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

In comparison to the sports or anything else you enjoy that your partner has no interest in... they don't have to participate in order for you to still enjoy things.  It's not exactly healthy to expect your partner to do *everything* with you. If you like sushi, thai, Indian food and they don't, you simply go to those restaurants when you aren't dining together, go alone or with friends, same with skiing, mountain biking, rock climbing or whatever. 

You completely missed the point. I can perfectly enjoy things on my own.

My stories and anecdotes were to illustrate that "them [including me] didn't like the idea of it, didn't want to touch it, but somehow were persuaded to try it AND NOW THEY LOVE IT 100%"

[DrMacEoin]

3 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

Honestly if this is such an important thing for you to recieve from a partner, it should have been part of the getting to know each other stage and initial negotiations *before* entering into a relationship. 

I crave it maybe… two times PER YEAR?.. Hardly an important thing

[Da****]

4 hours ago, DrMacEoin said:

I crave it maybe… two times PER YEAR?.. Hardly an important thing

If it's not an important thing why are you trying to convince us so much that what you're asking is ok??

[Ba****]

Actually, what I’m hearing is you don’t play very safely. Submissives are full, multifaceted people and should be treated as such. Being nagged or cajoled or persuaded into an act does not fall under the umbrella of enthusiastic consent. If you have been coerced yourself, you should avoid playing with those people again because they aren’t ethical and don’t respect you. It’s not really relevant that you later came to enjoy it. No means no, unless negotiated otherwise.

If you only crave this maybe 2 times a year and it’s hardly an important thing, why are you fighting all the people who have said you can’t get your sub to do something they don’t want to? Almost every comment has said the same thing and yet you’re still here arguing your corner rather than conceding you’ve missed the mark.

You cannot get your submissive to spank you. You can ask, but ultimately you must respect their choice. Nobody here is a kink dispenser for anyone else. We are all humans with feelings, opinions and comfort zones. If you want something your partner cannot give you, talk to them. “Hey, i really feel like i need a spanking. How about we go to an event and I find someone to Top me for this and then we go out for dinner?”

You can have impact with others as part of a monogamous dynamic/relationship. Impact doesn’t automatically equal sex. But again, you need to articulate your needs and respect the response. If they’re unwilling to help and they’re uncomfortable with you having this need met… is this the sub for you? If everything else is fine and you’re good to continue without… then why are we still having this conversation?!

It is fine to want it, it is fine to ask for it, kink is customisable, you must respect their answer, you can’t make them do it, you can’t talk them into it, pick-up play would be helpful here (or even just a dominant friend who is willing to help you out), *** leads to law suits.

Side note, a Dom is supposed to be harder than the submissive… are you high??? I’m a hardcore masochist. Almost none of my dominant friends could handle what I can and that is ok. That’s why they aren’t masochists. They have different strengths. That doesn’t make me better or them less. It makes us human and different people. I think you need to go back and look into some bdsm basics about roles and consent.