How to dom?

[Am****]

Honestly to be a good dom I believe you have to be with her for like 6-8 months. I was also scared to trust a woman in both ways. Scared I’d push them and they would blame me if they didn’t like it. Also blame me for wanting to push their limits to another word without feeling they communicate when it was to far/ sale work or the slow the f**k down I can’t do that word. I love testing their limit very very often

[Deleted Member]

Just communicate with your play partner, tell them you’re learning and tell them to tell you to just stop worrying too much when it’s the case

[Ne****]

Ok. So. Most of this is just wrong and you're not gonna even be able to give them a good orgasm, let alone the big O. I'm not gonna point out the do's and don't but the majority of this advice is going to have you feel fake with little to no authentic intimacy with your partner.

[ko****]

1 hour ago, TraditionalMan said:

That's a very limited minority of Doms. Youre giving very limited information bri. Just cause that's how YOU see it and live it, doesn't make it true for EVERY dom.

Actually, that was 100% correct information. Though, you are correct in saying that the "M.A.N." described in John Holmes' post was limited in population. Many people who call themselves "dom"... actually, many of those who say they are into BDSM just do not understand that these kind of relationships are SOLELY based on trust and respect. Just like any other relationship - love, work, friends, pets, etc. - no one will follow you if they don't trust you, no one will bow to you if they don't respect you. This is non-negotiable. Think about this earnestly: would you really allow someone to beat you, berate you, or look down upon you if you thought that they genuinely hated you or wanted to see you suffer?
"Dom is not what you are... but a title that is earned" is a vastly correct statement. Your title is dom whether you are caring, sadistic, or something else because it is your role within that relationship. It's not about what you do or how you do it. It's about having someone trust and respect you enough to submit to your will, and if your will is to care for your partner and look out for their needs then so be it! We all have different ideas about sublabels and what not, but the nature of the dominant as a whole is and will always be unchanging 🤎💃🏿

[tu****]

Different doms are different, I am a sub but I feel like different people dom in different ways

[Tr****]

12 minutes ago, kororo said:

Actually, that was 100% correct information. Though, you are correct in saying that the "M.A.N." described in John Holmes' post was limited in population. Many people who call themselves "dom"... actually, many of those who say they are into BDSM just do not understand that these kind of relationships are SOLELY based on trust and respect. Just like any other relationship - love, work, friends, pets, etc. - no one will follow you if they don't trust you, no one will bow to you if they don't respect you. This is non-negotiable. Think about this earnestly: would you really allow someone to beat you, berate you, or look down upon you if you thought that they genuinely hated you or wanted to see you suffer?
"Dom is not what you are... but a title that is earned" is a vastly correct statement. Your title is dom whether you are caring, sadistic, or something else because it is your role within that relationship. It's not about what you do or how you do it. It's about having someone trust and respect you enough to submit to your will, and if your will is to care for your partner and look out for their needs then so be it! We all have different ideas about sublabels and what not, but the nature of the dominant as a whole is and will always be unchanging 🤎💃🏿

But again, that equally equates to you being YOURSELF, and someone accepting it. I'm not saying being a dom isn't earned whatsoever, if you check my original comment, i only stated that it's about finding what kind of dom fits YOU. Finding someone who accepts and submits to that definition and lifestyle, is a completely separate issue. I'm only saying in regards to him saying "you're not a dom without a sub" is just utter BS and narrow minded when we conside the VAST range of people IN the entire community

[Bb****]

Are you a Dom or do you just want to be a Dom ??? I feel there's a difference & I'm not saying that in a rude way

[ko****]

30 minutes ago, TraditionalMan said:

But again, that equally equates to you being YOURSELF, and someone accepting it. I'm not saying being a dom isn't earned whatsoever, if you check my original comment, i only stated that it's about finding what kind of dom fits YOU. Finding someone who accepts and submits to that definition and lifestyle, is a completely separate issue. I'm only saying in regards to him saying "you're not a dom without a sub" is just utter BS and narrow minded when we conside the VAST range of people IN the entire community

Yes, but even that makes sense; "you're not a dom without a sub" because, in the context of "the title is earned" you are not a dom if there is no one/no one has given you the title by submitting to you. I think this is fair to say because it keeps people from half a**ing the role. And, again, everyone has their opinion on subclass, but just saying "i am the dom in this relationship" isn't gonna give you the power over the other person.

[ko****]

4 minutes ago, kororo said:

Yes, but even that makes sense; "you're not a dom without a sub" because, in the context of "the title is earned" you are not a dom if there is no one/no one has given you the title by submitting to you. I think this is fair to say because it keeps people from half assing the role. And, again, everyone has their opinion on subclass, but just saying "i am the dom in this relationship" isn't gonna give you the power over the other person.

Also... "you are not a dom without a sub" isn't even the statement that he made. The point was to look out for people who have no idea about themselves or the role

[Dr****]

Possibly look into the different types of Doms and see kinda where you fall. From your post it seems you're more of a soft top/ pleasure Dom rather than an otherwise stricter one.

[jo****]

@TraditionalManyou believe you're a "Dom" because you say you are? You must be kidding. To call yourself a "Dom" and not have a willing person who titles you a Dom, simply makes you a fake. A poser. A 50 shades wannabe. It is the Epitome of red flag central. That is the ultimate trust from a submissive. Submission is a gift that is freely given by the sub. Submission can't be ***d or taken. It is because you earned it to be their Dom. Just as easily given, it can be taken away if the trust and respect is broken. With that said, if it can be taken from the Dom, to truly understand the lifestyle, that means also understanding that all the power truly resides with the submissive. As they are who make you a Dom and can take their Submission away from you. Just because you have some Dominant traits does not make you a Dom...

[Deleted Member]

Bro ! You are know yourself or you dont. F**k awhat anyone else says.

[up****]

Domination doesn't have to be about ropes and spanking. It could be as simple as choosing at what point you allow your partner to c*m for you.

[Ma****]

Got to just find what your style is, this may be your take on dominating. All dominance means is your will and your rules, and leading the interaction how you see fit.

[ca****]

Definitely has to be a transference of power. It's not something you take it's something that's given, that's earned. For a lot of people it goes outside of the bedroom. It's something you just need to read up on or talk to other doms and subs. Biggest thing is recognizing consent and seeing it as law, also aftercare.

[di****]

It entirely depends on the sub. Some want you to be a caring soft dom. Some want you to be the literal human embodiment of Satan to them. You have to figure out what they want/need, suggest it, and see how they respond. There is sort of an art to it. Or you can find your style, lay that style on the line to them, and they either like it or don’t. Communication and consent are the pillars of our “society”.

[al****]

It sounds to me like you are an inexperienced daddy. Caring for your sub is important. Teaching them what brings you pleasure should make them happy as subs. As ma y have said some of it goes beyond the bedroom.

[Deleted Member]

I see truth in both the "dom you are" and the "no dom without a sub". There are indeed people with a dominant personality that is natural in them and also people who are naturally kind and respectful and may seem submissive. The funny thing is that quite often very dominant people, used to being obeyed in everyday life, are craving for someone who can dominate them, and choose a sub role in private life. In an equivalent way, there are people who feel they are always doing what others want and wish for once they can have the control. So, what you naturally are and what you want may be different. Now, in the same way those dominant people may find it very difficult to find a dom for them, the ones who naturally behave in a more submissive-like way may find it difficult to find someone who will see them as a dom. So, what's the point of saying I am a sub if you can't find the right dom or I am a dom, if you don't find who wants to submit for you? Makes me remember the King in the Little Prince. The point here would be, no matter what's your natural personality and no matter what you want to be, you will be dom or sub when you actually have a partner who accept you as such. So, I think you first need to know who you are, then what you want and, when you have that clear and feel confortable with yourself and your expectations, and are honest about it, you will find the complementary partner for you, because there is always a match for everyone, and this is not only valid for BDSM.

[Pe****]

Personally, I see the Dom/Sub relationship as very similar to a good teacher/student relationship, just with different methods. The teacher is in a position of power with authority, leadership, decision making and guidance (through punishment and reward) as their role, but also care, compassion, attentiveness and a need for self reflection and improvement. Ultimately everything the teacher does is for the benefit of the student, and the teacher's satisfaction comes from the student performing well. When a teacher meets new students they have to discover and learn the best way to help those specific students, they have to earn the respect of those students and only then will they be able to help those students to achieve their potential, enabling the student to succeed in their targets. The main difference is that teachers enable students to continue without their help, but the Dom/Sub relationship has a continuation of the reliance of the sub on the dom thereafter. Just my take and how I approach it.

[Deleted Member]

You are what’s called a pleasure dom. You get off on them getting off. That will help you find research on the internet. From there it’s all communication with your sub of what their expectations are of you and what they like. Find some rules and boundaries start and expand from there.

[Re****]

Don't get caught up too much in what you're "supposed" to be as a Dom. Focus on what makes you and your sub feel satisfied and happy. It kinda sounds like your partner is trying to express that they'd like to feel something a little different from you, that they'd like you to show a little more "teeth". Figure out how they want to feel, what kind of things they'd like you to do, and then figure out how (and if) you can give them those things in a way that feels like you and makes you happy.

[al****]

Wednesday at 01:27 AM, johnholmes2001 said:

Stop.... Understand this..... Dom is not what you are... Dom is a title that is EARNED when you have a submissive and they trust you, respect you, are loyal to you, and honor you by making sure the world knows they gave you that title... Dom is not a way of life... it is a M.A.N. (Meets All Needs). You have met their needs Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically, and Monetarily to the best of your gawd damn ability. If you work off the 1% rule, try to be 1% better tomorrow than you are today, and 1% better the next day ect. You will be 90% better man in 90 days. You will have a submissive find you. And yes worrying about them is absolutely part of your job as a M.A.N. Now for the B.O.Y.s who tell you that they are a Dom and have no submissive, or that you need to figure out what type of Dom you are... these are red flag city for people who have no clue of what the hell they are speaking of and that's 90%+ of the people on the site. A B.O.Y. is a (Burden On You) they will leave you feeling drained Emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, they will drain your bank account, and they will beat you for their pleasure not worrying about how they hurt the submissive, and will f**k the sub for their own pleasure leaving the submissive wanting. Please learn the difference and take what 90% of these individuals are saying with a grain of salt.

Wow this was well said

[Ch****]

Every relationship is custom tailored to fit like a perfect glove. DO WHAT YOU BOTH LIKE. I am like this as well, as I've come to understand it, I'm a pleasure dom or soft dom. It's all for her! If she wanted scary and ***ful, I'd give her that. But she wanted loving and caring dominance. So it's what she got and I really loved it.

[ho****]

Guys, I think he just need a basic guide.

[ho****]

The more experience Doms, you can share a short 5 or 10 step guide to help, not just Zach but many more new Doms so they can find their footing.