Confused on Dynamics

January 21, 2020

My thought was always the sub sets the table for the game, the dom plays it out and ultimately has the advantage. The compromise was I need these actions, to become submissive, and in return they fill in the rest of the relationship. However I was told subs just submit, and I’m being dom by setting requirements I need, in order to be ***d submissive. What am I missing?

January 21, 2020

You never *** submission, we submit of our own free will, I don't know about all dynamics as everyone is different but with me yes my dom sets all play and I follow, i know for me my brain never stops if I have to think what to do next that only stresses me out so I like my dom to do what he likes my body will tell him if I like it or not

January 21, 2020

there's a lot of context missing and a lot of interpretations get a bit open to.

If you meet someone with a view to play then there are things you should communicate. Your likes, dislikes, interests, limits.

The Dominant has control... if they don't find that interesting to them, then they won't play.

(Incidentally, you shouldn't change your likes/dislikes/interests/limits to get play - because then all you get is something you don't enjoy)

If you are paying a Professional then there may be a little bit of a creative license to raise things you'd most like to do or how things should be - because you are paying for time and an experience; however even then there's a restriction on how fun/stressful/etc. it will be for them.

I think it's very easy to present the same thing differently.

The two sentences are the same thing:

"I would very much like to enjoy spending time with you. During our planned play I would very much love the honour of worshipping your feet, indulging in some fine ***s and if you are in the mood for strap on, that would be wonderful."

and

"So, I do foot worship, watersports, strap on... that's what you can do with me"

But you see how one is warmer and "more submissive" than the other.

January 21, 2020

Agreed with what has already been said. This is why communication is vital. We discuss likes dislikes but after all said and done I always set the scene.

January 21, 2020

You're missing nothing and it seems you're on the right track by sharing and seeking advice.Only a fool thinks he knows it all especially in this world.There is much to learn and all are different,the key is patience and an open mind,a willingness to understand our limitations.Im far from an expert and learn something new every week.

January 21, 2020

Submissives have hard & soft limits, and these are agreed before any meeting, and should always be respected by the domme / dom, and what you like or are interested in should also be discussed. However, it is up to the domme / dom how to make these reality. Slaves have no limits, and are to be used in any way the domme /dom sees fit. If you're not comfortable with what you are being told, walk away; they're not right for you, imo. And I agree that no one should / can *** someone to be submissive to them, that is something that they should earn.

January 21, 2020

If slaves have no limits why do they discuss any limits or actions with their prospective master, as part of a "contract" negotiation, the ones I've chatted with, both Master and slave all say this process took a year before a final decision. It isn't only subs who have certain limits

January 21, 2020

What you need to understand is that there are no rules in bdsm but the one set up by both parties. And most of all a really good connections between parties. If there are none the dynamics might not last long.
ans it’s more about power exchange, the control come after. The sub trust and give consent to the Dom. Then there is different control level, the 24/7,the bedroom only, the fun control when the Dom randomly ask tasks.
it’s a very complex world where you enter now, lots to discover and experience. This is why it’s important to find the right person to do with. Any Dom who ask you to be submissive straight away, while it might sound exciting for you, is the wrong approach and likely to end up as a bad experience.

January 21, 2020

1 hour ago, quietlysure said:

If slaves have no limits why do they discuss any limits or actions with their prospective master, as part of a "contract" negotiation, the ones I've chatted with, both Master and slave all say this process took a year before a final decision. It isn't only subs who have certain limits

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Slave have limits too, it’s a misconception that they don’t have any.
But you need to remember you are not a slave without being a sub for years first and understand the full concept of being one. I saw too many time some kinksters describing themselves or titled as slave when they are just 19 or newbies!
so if a slave doesn’t have any limits it’s because the Master is experienced and know perfectly how to handle a 24/7 life. It’s a big responsibility and a very demanding one. It’s not only about fetch me my cup of coffee kind of!

January 21, 2020

The Dom has to be forward thinking and keep things interesting and fresh for his/her sub. Only by knowing what someone's limits are can the Dom create the scene. New subs will not know what their limits are and its slow learning for both the sub and the Dom to find out what they are. Start soft and slowly work it up until a limit is reached. Even a slave has limits and both slaves and subs have to spend time with their Dom to build trust and to communicate. The sub gives their submission through trust and respect. The Dom has to earn that respect by ensuring limits are known or anticipated and guiding their sub to learn and discover themselves and building the trust needed. So Its a two way relationship with both working hard at all times to make it better and stronger.