Ba**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 41 minutes ago, pauld999 said: Talking to people as a human being and with respect is vital, but sadly 99% dont see that and go by looks alone. Its almost like they all have a vision like Christian Grey. It's true, I get lusted over a lot. I think I'm average looking, but I know a lot of others think differently, hah. If someone's coming at me only because they like the look of me and don't appreciate who I am, I will dismiss them. I have no interest in shallow, self-centered people. They're generally selfish all around, and that's really ugly to me. The people who only go for looks have something fundamentally wrong with them. They've had trauma and/or they weren't raised with empathy and love. I don't want any part of that. I run from these people. They're nothing but bad news. In my opinion, you're better off without people who only go for someone's looks. You've dodged a bullet! I know from a lot of personal experience.
pa**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 8 minutes ago, BabyGirlKiten said: It's true, I get lusted over a lot. I think I'm average looking, but I know a lot of others think differently, hah. If someone's coming at me only because they like the look of me and don't appreciate who I am, I will dismiss them. I have no interest in shallow, self-centered people. They're generally selfish all around, and that's really ugly to me. The people who only go for looks have something fundamentally wrong with them. They've had trauma and/or they weren't raised with empathy and love. I don't want any part of that. I run from these people. They're nothing but bad news. In my opinion, you're better off without people who only go for someone's looks. You've dodged a bullet! I know from a lot of personal experience. But dont confuse lust, for a compliment. Complementing someone does not mean im lusting or seeing them as an object of sex.
gh**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 Just try to be as authentic as you can. It's not easy. But ur not the only one that has this issue. This app/people can be infuriating at times.
Ba**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 22 minutes ago, pauld999 said: But dont confuse lust, for a compliment. Complementing someone does not mean im lusting or seeing them as an object of sex. Don't assume that I confuse the two. I'm spoken to as if I'm a sex object. It's rude and disrespectful. Just like assuming is.
Deleted Member Posted September 26 Posted September 26 For me personally, I'll look at the photo to see if they meet my baseline attractiveness then I look at their profile. If they message me, are genuinely trying to get to know me and I feel like we have good chemistry, everything else can be improved upon later. To steal a quote from Dita Von Teese, "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches." So ignore the peach haters and keep it moving.
DarkArts1066 Posted September 26 Posted September 26 Put simply, you don’t. People will either take to you - or not. But you can’t always engineer that. More often than not, it’s about how you approach someone, and how you communicate with them that makes the difference between further conversations, and perhaps a meet over a drink to discuss further - rather than how you ‘look’. A few lines, or a short paragraph is always better than a one liner. Give the reader “a gift”. Let them know something about “You” in that first paragraph, instead of telling them what you want from them. That said, having a clean and tidy appearance, and smelling clean and fresh does make a difference at that first meeting. There are certain golden rules for Men when posting a profile picture. These have been gleaned from Ladies I have met - so do NOT shoot the messenger ! For example… No one wants to see your Cat - or Dog. That’s just weird. Likewise, no one wants to see your ego either… so that photo of you leaning against a Lamborghini - or Aston (whether it is yours - or more often - NOT) doesn’t show one in a good light. Sailing pics…. Meh. See above. You ‘hanging off’ while free climbing El Capitan doesn’t tell your intended that you are handy with a length of Jute and a flogger (although it does suggest that you have strong fingers….) A smile can say more about a person than a look. If you look relaxed, approachable, friendly…. If you body stance is open, then those are positive things also. No one wants to date a starey eyed guy, dressed in black, arms crossed, looking like he’s just wiped out an entire Family down the road….. Or - a guy, sat in an armchair in a wife-beater vest with a shaggy unkempt beard, filled with cornflakes (YES … a sub I know DID get that as a first contact picture….!! 😳) One woman I know won’t meet anyone called ‘Darren’ - because, in her words… “all the Darren’s I’ve met have been dickheads” (Sorry Darren!) Her choice - based on her experiences… but she won’t change that for anyone, no matter how nice a Darren you are. Oh … and a lot of subs seem to like a Dom in a sharp suit, with a crisp white shirt (again, so I’m led to believe…) Have a presence - and be yourself. Someone out there will find you attractive - because you are being “You”.
Ln**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 Be yourself....let them know what you are about and let the chips fall where they may. Superficial folks are the worst anyway....you don't want .they're annoying!!!
KaptKinkster Posted September 26 Posted September 26 It's a dilemma but that's why I love the 1 hr coffee date..
Yo**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 Yeah, be Yourself, be Polite, and All should be fine. Though I dunno, trying to understand the Psychology of some people here only makes sense when other factors get applied unfortunately. I'm sure there is the Exception to The Rules out there, and that goes per person even. Though I'm also at the "where is said compatible person" state. Though I'll admit I'm also rather wary atm due to bullshit upon bullshit occurring 😂🤣😂
Bl**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 I don’t. They’re either attracted to me and we vibe or we don’t. I’m never going to *** an interaction. If they want to get to know me then they will and if they don’t then I’m on to the next. I have no problem initiating something but if they’re not feeling it then I move on. We all have a right to our preferences.
Dm**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 You dont. You accept yourself and for those who cant they arent worth your time, energy, or feelings. Those who look deeper are tge only one wprthy of your trust.
Sw**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 I think in a world of online dating then presentation is a part of it. Doesn't mean be vain but don't use shit images. Put some time and effort into them, composition, good lighting etc. Remember that you're looking for someone to take time to get to know you, putting effort in shows that you're worth investing in. That might keep the door open for a conversation. Then it's all down to personality. Otoh
Ge**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 The expectation that a person can know and be attracted to a personality when all they get is a picture and a few lines of text is just crazy. Of corse people are going to start with looks, kinks, and other, that's all that most profiles have, and the ones that do have more are a strange biography that feels unnatural to comment on as an opener. That's the over all problem with all sites such as this, that people expect genuin connection right off the bat with no chance to interact and build on it.
Ta**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 For better or for worse most people will judge the book by its cover. It can be hard to find those who are willing to take the time to see what's inside. At the end of the day the simplest solution is to work on what's exterior as best as you can. Fortunately, while you can't control how people will view you, you can control what present to the world.
Hu**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 Listen bro I live by this motto if I can do it anyone can not all that attractive not rich just a real man and some women want that but others don’t it takes time but you will fine one for you
Ne**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 We are all subject to the superficial scrutiny of being seen and perceived. We cannot make others engage us how we’d like, nor disregard what they’ve seen.. People have to choose to look past exteriors and there are myriad aspects that go into account there.. You mentioned that some of •this• is your own doing; you can observe accountability and change up those particular things which caused you to make that statement. In the online world, being proactive and open, and speaking to these themes on your pages will perhaps attract a different set of people to you. Despite it seeming transactional and devoid to view profiles as us pitching and selling ourselves, that is essentially what we are doing. I don’t think there’s a quick gimmick nor technique that works exactly like we’d want and certainly not an automatic attracting beam calling to only those with whom we’d best match / enjoy the most. Your words on your page are the thing I look to most and typically what will entice Me into wanting to interact with someone. If you’re wanting to be ‘approached’ less for your face/physicality, perhaps including some pics of you in ‘the wild’ as it were, participating in social activities, perhaps volunteering, in costume, distance pic of you parasailing or riding a roller coaster or gardening - things where you aren’t necessarily showing off your face in direct selfie and or physicality in up-close detail. If the realm allows, hide your face/troublesome body shots altogether, and include in your profile why and that you’d gladly show your (non-nude, risqué) photos in private messaging a little later or whenever you’re comfortable doing so. Truly, I think stating your feelings and thoughts on this on any profile and in initial messaging when appropriate is a great way to go. Being *** on your snippet of text that folks peruse can be attractive, interesting, and, inviting and that’s your due diligence. If you want to attract with your sex appeal, lead with it. If not, let others know what else there Is to You, and let the sex appeal show up naturally later on/over time. [thanks for reading. If I misunderstood what you were after, of course, disregard and or correct. ✌🏽]
Sa**** Posted September 26 Posted September 26 In regards to this app. I agree with everyone the effort to groom yourself differently and better photos. Your bio is informative but if "women" are your target audience than post more status about what brought you joy that day or anything you've been curious about. Maybe there's a game spot, cafe event happening in your town.
su**** Posted September 27 Posted September 27 Online dating has drastically increased the percentage of interaction based solely on looks, but that concept has always been there. If you choose to reach out, instead of just saying “hey”, try to be more interesting but also refrain from being too audacious straight out of the gate. If someone doesn’t answer, try not to take it personally even though it can be disheartening. The unfortunate truth is that some people will be into you, and some won’t.
Da**** Posted September 27 Posted September 27 I had a very interesting boss in the military. He was kind of dumb, but he had an amazing array of phrases to pull out and beat you over the head with and i think one of them applies here. Perception is Reality. I assume that you mean that you're having problems getting girls based on pics. You need to take pics that create perception. So what is the message? How do you show that in a pic? I'm a joker. Puns, dirty jokes, recycling of things people have said in the office throughout the day, all of it. When I joined Tinder, it was the height of the baby tiger petting phase on the platform. There were tons of cliches to mock past that... skydiving, holding a caught fish, cosplay outfits, etc etc. So I made a photoshopped pic with me skydiving with a baby tiger in one arm, a fish in the other, wearing a superman outfit, and a rifle slung on my back. It was ridiculous. I sold myself with messaging, not my appearance. Look at my pics on here. I'm the tacky t-shirt king and my wife loves it. I have at least a dozen absurd shirts. You'll see a pic there with my Mr Daddy shirt. That shirt was my design. I made it kinkier than just Mr Daddy by copying the Godfather design, Mr daddy the puppeteer, so distinctly kinky to any person in the kink scene. My wife made it on her cricut and I wore it to her nursing school graduation because I'm known at her school as Mr Daddy(because they saw my phone call come up on her phone as Mr Daddy and they all thought it was hilarious... teased her a full year about it). Plan your message, convey the message you wish to convey to create the perception that becomes the reality of your amorous target. And good luck!
go**** Posted September 27 Posted September 27 20 minutes ago, suibian said: Online dating has drastically increased the percentage of interaction based solely on looks, but that concept has always been there. If you choose to reach out, instead of just saying “hey”, try to be more interesting but also refrain from being too audacious straight out of the gate. If someone doesn’t answer, try not to take it personally even though it can be disheartening. The unfortunate truth is that some people will be into you, and some won’t. Absolutely accurate statement. We’re in a single serve sort of environment when it comes to dating. You have to make sure you’re measured and engaging in first conversation, but if people aren’t into it, they’re not into it.
Yo**** Posted September 27 Posted September 27 21 hours ago, ryeguy66 said: Be funny. That has a very wide variation though lol, Each person has a different definition of what's funny so while good advice, it's more complicated in Practice.
ra**** Posted September 27 Posted September 27 Also apps like hinge are better for this type of connection and you can still flip out the kink card after a few dates!
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