Is dating dead?

[Fo****]

Not just that but marriage has been turned into a cash cow instead of trying to work things out everyone just gets a divorce and has unrealistic standards so much that they won't put any effort in.

[I8onethan2]

By the time you meet someone you already have been chatting for a bit. It's modern dating, nothing blind about it. It's not dead. It's just different

[Hi****]

I think it is for the most part people are jus passing time with people at this point I do believe there is still sum people that actually wanna meet and settle down but for the most part everyone is jus fuckin fighting making up and repeat

[abpro]

Yep it's dead, places like insta have polarized people to such a degree that it's simply not worth the effort and p ain that is highly likely to be caused

[Tw****]

I try and ask but they're like I don't know I'm always busy

[FS****]

I don't think dating is dead, but I do think great dates/daters are harder to come by. We can blame social media and all the dating apps for taking away our ability to hold proper conversations, but at the end of the day, we all still use the apps lol. A little patience and a good filter help a lot. Be honest about what you're into so that you can go on dates that sound fun and exciting. Don't be afraid to try something new with someone new. Some people are boring and you can't help that, but that doesn't mean all dates will be a dud.

[bu****]

Yes it is. Thanks to the apps mostly and their skewed algorithms and sexist set ups. 90% women going after 5% men is not sustainable. And everyone is always looking for something better due to the apps.

[cl****]

Dead, buried and grass growing on the grave site. People today are self serving, aren’t interested in the work it takes to make a relationship work and live in a world of make believe. This site here is so FULL of fake profiles that you can’t figure out who is real and who isn’t. Even if you do find a profile that sends you a message, it’s usually a scam artist trying to get ***. People today only want situationships with quick satisfaction and then they are on to the next. The first time there’s any sort of disagreement, they’re gone. And it’s been proven that the standards people have eliminate 90-95% of those available. So dating and true relationships are dead for the vast majority of people.

[Ro****]

I'm starting to feel this way too

[ca****]

I've seen the type of cold spell and dry run ever since My last breakup post COVID. Weird enough... I've had random moments where I'll encounter one female that make up for the sexual drought I've managed to endure. My best memory lands 🎯 easy hitting the middle *** target as dream-like and unbelievable. Too bad she seemed like My complete mirrored version of Me but of African American descent and ghosted me after. I cleverly posted a dumb ad stating I would pay whoever could deliver Me poppers to my apartment door. Nothing but males replied as one would expect tbh but I'm was not the one to be left feeling weird with a male delivering Me something that would eventually make My Roommate (My Uncut Middle Leg) since birth, harden I'm incredibly. Luckily a female answered. Usually 10 years on Me was a no go but I forgot how how older women are... We showed one another our top 5 musical Creations/ Master pieces. She produced, engineered, song wrote, sang melodic , and surprisingly, I identified she could have easily done well if she was plain enough, just another non trying, wisdom spreading, enlightened pretty, deep spoken, poetry based, power to all people, forever saving the earth and strong woman representative " mc rapper ". We really vibed. The connection nearly had Me mind-blown but I didn't wanna just whip anything out even though she had Me extremely ready to poke a hole in a iron plated concrete rein***d brick wall. She hinted at Me being a player... maybe me being a porn star... then. Asked My size n last sexual encounter. I gladly told her.... She gasped in awe and then sighed. You can Imagine what I had to just takeout after. We actually had a random type a pornlike day and situation all day, and yes, it was worth the dry streak / loneliness I happen to encounter the whole 2 years previously. I ate her endlessly, made her orgasm, complimented her, surprised her, and pleased her. Too bad I was honestly predicting to close enough expecting the non existent post feeling and sad enough I was ghosted completely. Funny Annoying fact; Too many times we stand strongly firm but unaware of the meaningless enough, late founded walls that almost didn't go up late.

[Fo****]

This has been quite an interesting thread so far. Keep the answers coming in. I know it’s hard out there for both men and women but try to keep your head up. There may be a solution that we just haven’t found yet.

[Bo****]

Well I can tell you this I belong to two or three different dating sites.. I just used the free portion of their apps.. part of my profile says that I'm just looking for somebody who would like to go out to dinner and a movie.. you know a real date something where you can sit down and have dinner and a drink and some good conversation and get to know somebody.. and nobody seems interested in that.. and another thing is people seem to just make snap judgment based on people's photographs instead of just getting to know them.. even though I have a profile here on FetLife and I do enjoy some kinky things and some BDSM.. I still want to go out on dates and get to know somebody and talk and have good conversation and it just doesn't seem like people are interested in that anymore.. have we come so disconnected with each other that we can't even sit down and have a decent face to face conversation over lunch or dinner or drinks.. hell even a good time like going bowling or playing pool you get to learn something about somebody.. from my experience it does feel like dating is dead..

[di****]

It’s getting so bad.

[ho****]

Yes. It seems to be 😂😂

[wo****]

I think so, apps are dead for me, no one seems to care.. people say go out and meet people through friends but all of my friends are in relationships and never go out any more 😅

[Lu****]

We exist. Understand the disconnection is huge. I want to go out for lunch or something fun but harder to find that genuine connection!

[Ir****]

It’s definitely not great. But I don’t think it was ever great. Apps have just sped up the process a lot and removed the barriers for entry. Basically now you don’t even need to worry about developing a personality, style, or conversation style. You just have to game the app then people are underwhelmed by their dates because they have none of those things. I think blaming gender issues is useless. Really it’s about people needing to actually level up and improve themselves instead of just blaming each other. But also the apps are worse then they’ve ever been because of trickery from the tech companies that run them so there’s that too.

[pu****]

I hope not. There tends to be a trend towards instant gratification and not wanting to make any effort. I'm hopeful that there is someone out there.

[Deleted Member]

Sunday at 06:24, kittygotclaws said:

I think the keyword is dating. People date to date. Not date to marry. Seems like many are always expecting perfect, or focused on numbers over quality. Attention, more, more, more. They lower standards, and take what's available and easy. Not wanting put in the work, cultivating patience, learning to resolve conflict, communicate. Like fast food dating.

I prefer to learn from all my happily married couples on how to truly be in a good healthy relationship. They're beautiful to see.

There are indeed couples and individuals that reconcile you with the world. But in general what I see isn't that people are not looking for a relationship. What I see can be summarised in that repeated maxim "people who add and don't subtract". People are not willing to do any effort or adaptation to make a relationship work. I consider it impossible for a relationship to work if the members refuse to adapt to each other. But of course there are cases of all colours.

[HeadMistresValencia]

On 9/29/2024 at 2:44 AM, sp46 said:

Totally agree, absolutely fine if people want to do that but it seems like the dating, relationship, see how it goes has all gone. Same with when guys say communication is key but yet ghost you, I get it’s the ‘easy’ option but a little message won’t hurt to say I’m not interested anymore.

Thiiiiissss!!! I'm definitely okay with people just wanting a sexual relationship but communicate that in the beginning. There's no reason to lead people on when some people actually just want the sexual relationship without all the extra stuff. The ghosting is totally unnecessary when we're all grown. Does it hurt sometimes to tell people we need or want to walk away, yes. However, the other person isn't questioning what went wrong when they thought everything was going well. I used to ghost people in the past but I really try not to if I'm dealing with them regularly and need to part ways. Even if I'm dating and don't want to continue, I'll communicate that. Ghosting does more damage than a lot of people care to understand. 

[ki****]

1 hour ago, HeadMistresValencia said:

Thiiiiissss!!! I'm definitely okay with people just wanting a sexual relationship but communicate that in the beginning. There's no reason to lead people on when some people actually just want the sexual relationship without all the extra stuff. The ghosting is totally unnecessary when we're all grown. Does it hurt sometimes to tell people we need or want to walk away, yes. However, the other person isn't questioning what went wrong when they thought everything was going well. I used to ghost people in the past but I really try not to if I'm dealing with them regularly and need to part ways. Even if I'm dating and don't want to continue, I'll communicate that. Ghosting does more damage than a lot of people care to understand. 

All of that. Especially to the ghosting stuff. Connecting with someone, then abruptly disappearing is incredibly immature (provided it's intentional in any way). It shows you're not cut out for a relationship, and uncomfortable communication.

And yes, speaking from someone who has ghosted, and tries now really hard, not to. Because of what you said - ghosting someone does damage. I'm basically creating issues in another, or furthering the struggles they have, if I do it. Nothing healthy and mature about that.

[HeadMistresValencia]

1 hour ago, kittygotclaws said:

All of that. Especially to the ghosting stuff. Connecting with someone, then abruptly disappearing is incredibly immature (provided it's intentional in any way). It shows you're not cut out for a relationship, and uncomfortable communication.

And yes, speaking from someone who has ghosted, and tries now really hard, not to. Because of what you said - ghosting someone does damage. I'm basically creating issues in another, or furthering the struggles they have, if I do it. Nothing healthy and mature about that.

I agree, 1000%! It took me a while before I realized it's damaging but I'm glad that I finally did. It took me being ghosted multiple times by people that I really liked and thought liked me. I still apologize to people that I run into that I've ghosted in the past. I literally just ran into someone that I ghosted in 2020 a couple weeks ago. I had to think about why I actually ghosted them and then apologized because they literally did nothing wrong to deserve that. 

[ki****]

51 minutes ago, HeadMistresValencia said:

I agree, 1000%! It took me a while before I realized it's damaging but I'm glad that I finally did. It took me being ghosted multiple times by people that I really liked and thought liked me. I still apologize to people that I run into that I've ghosted in the past. I literally just ran into someone that I ghosted in 2020 a couple weeks ago. I had to think about why I actually ghosted them and then apologized because they literally did nothing wrong to deserve that. 

Oh I bet that was a tough one. But good for both of you.

That's the hard part of it too, I believe. First we have to understand why we want to, or are doing it, and voice that. I feel like we've all been taught, or it's just become easier/normal, to not try to find the root cause, and communicate that. It's become too easy to just be all, I'm done bye. Block, delete. But at the same time, if the other side (or we in that case) are doing something to cause people to do ghost us, then the person explaining it to us in a good way, helps us grow. We can say oh, I did blank so maybe I need to work on that for the next person so I won't repeat the behavior. Again, on other side really. We can't fix our stuff if we don't know what that "stuff" is.

[HeadMistresValencia]

34 minutes ago, kittygotclaws said:

Oh I bet that was a tough one. But good for both of you.

That's the hard part of it too, I believe. First we have to understand why we want to, or are doing it, and voice that. I feel like we've all been taught, or it's just become easier/normal, to not try to find the root cause, and communicate that. It's become too easy to just be all, I'm done bye. Block, delete. But at the same time, if the other side (or we in that case) are doing something to cause people to do ghost us, then the person explaining it to us in a good way, helps us grow. We can say oh, I did blank so maybe I need to work on that for the next person so I won't repeat the behavior. Again, on other side really. We can't fix our stuff if we don't know what that "stuff" is.

Yes! I love this perspective! This is very true! If I'm doing something to cause an issue then I definitely want to know. Sometimes it's not us though. They have some other shit going on. Whether it be someone else, they got in their feelings and aren't ready to accept those feelings, they are no longer interested and just don't want to "hurt us", or they got what they came for and no longer have use for us. I'm sure there are a lot of other reasons too but those are a few of the ones I've either heard or noticed. I just try really hard not to do it to people anymore because I know first hand how it made me feel and the damage it caused inside me. 

[Deleted Member]

I have ghosted people when I was younger. I think at that time I lacked healthy and necessary communication skills. As I've gotten older I've learned how to communicate effectively with others. I think it can be a process, not everything is just black and white. People are like onions, we have layers.