Ni**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 I stole this from a post on Fetlife, but I thought it would be intriguing. Is there such a thing as toxic fantasies? Where do you draw the line, or is there no line in the world of fantasy? Are some things impossible to play out in a way that is not harmful to the individual, or does it all depend on the individual relationship?
gh**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 genuinely no clue 🤷♀️ but honestly, at the end of the day, I feel like it depends on the relationship 😗
x2**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 I suppose if that fantasy is damaging you yourself and or others and it is a recurring fantasy that you are perhaps stuck with. Then yes it's toxic. If however it is something you and another want to experience and has no impact on others as well as all being consensual then it is just a fantasy , unless you act upon it turning the fantasy into reality may make it something else entirely
borblezorb Posted October 1 Posted October 1 I would say findom and blackmail and techdom are pretty toxic
ey**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 Fantasies generally - they're in your head. They're thoughts and ideas you get off on. So, yeah, mentally - there are some things that maybe you shouldn't be putting hands in pants over - but - I dunno, if you fantasised about kissing a celebrities feet - that is, well, something a lot of people do. I think however the individual knows - or should know - if the level of the this fantasy is becoming an unhealthy obsession if of course, you take this fantasy to a level of, I dunno, trying to co-opt them into posting pictures or trying to creepily make it happen then that would be toxic.
ey**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 Mind, if rather than fantasies we're actually talking about play/role-play with someone then, yes, there's a lot of play which is harmful and potentially toxic which is also where stuff like you're old RACK and PRICK comes into play. Improper aftercare can be harmful. Breaking boundaries can be harmful, whether deliberate or not. Deliberately manipulating someone beyond what they'd agree to is toxic.
Mi**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 Have you ever heard of the term _Limerance_? Pretty toxic trait, as it is fantasising/idolising a particular individual, in the levels of obsessive compulsive disorder.
Da**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 Toxic fantasies exist when you are not communicating with your partner and expect them to just play along. No fantasies and practices are toxic as long as both parties have a understanding of the fantasy and agree on it with a safe word. What is toxic for one couple might not be for another
TimberTara Posted October 1 Posted October 1 Yes, if you become obsessive and jealous, you could do crazy stuff
Da**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 2 minutes ago, TimberTara said: Yes, if you become obsessive and jealous, you could do crazy stuff But that is not a fantasy? That is sickness Lets have a separation between sickness and fantasy. Because obseessive and jealous has nothing to do with sexual fantasies
ey**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 18 minutes ago, DaneInAthens said: Lets have a separation between sickness and fantasy. Because obseessive and jealous has nothing to do with sexual fantasies I disagree, wildly. Like, you want to keep fantasies as fantasy - something fun in your head. But for some people this gets taken too far, to the point people obsess over fantasies, or get jealous when others are doing things they think they should be doing Someone was literally jailed this year for taking fantasy too far (and that he was jailed was deemed that it wasn't "sickness")
TimberTara Posted October 1 Posted October 1 28 minutes ago, DaneInAthens said: But that is not a fantasy? That is sickness Lets have a separation between sickness and fantasy. Because obseessive and jealous has nothing to do with sexual fantasies But if the fantasies turn into obsession, I think you’ve crossed the line if you act on your obsession
Da**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 14 minutes ago, TimberTara said: But if the fantasies turn into obsession, I think you’ve crossed the line if you act on your obsession But as you say, fantasy turns to obsession. So not longer fantasy
ey**** Posted October 1 Posted October 1 22 minutes ago, DaneInAthens said: But as you say, fantasy turns to obsession. So not longer fantasy no - it is still a fantasy; but one obsessed about unhealthily
CopperKnob Posted October 1 Posted October 1 If a fantasy becomes harmful to self/others or is illegal, then yes. . Take the idea of fantasising about sexual acts to minors. Plenty will fantasise without (for want of a better word) "tools", others will seek out imagery. It's still a fantasy to the perpetrator but is harmful to those victims and is very much illegal.
OrchardBoy Posted October 15 Posted October 15 I've pondered on this a lot. I think a lot of my own fantasies (doing a bit of self pop psychology here) seem to be scenarios that are a gender reverse of really horrible things that women do experience that men tend not to (sexually objectified, coerced by somebody in a position of power). There's certainly something problematic in knowing that I fantasise about being the "victim" in scenarios where women can be the victims of these same scenarios in real life. I (straight cis male) also have fantasies about dominant trans women (and porn indicates that I am far from alone in this), whereas I've rarely fantasised about topping or having vanilla sex with a trans woman (I'm, like, 90% submissive but do switch from time to time, and I do like vanilla sex). That feels like my subconscious is somewhat at odds with my position that trans women are women. Whether these things are toxic is up to interpretation, but they certainly make me question myself.
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