New to Domme

[Crushingallreality]

Hey, I’m new to being a domme and just looking for general advice etc. Thanks in advance x

[ey****]

I guess a lot depends on what you already know and where you want to go with this.

I guess, first off, be aware of guys who try to exploit/manipulate your inexperience to meet their own ends.  I appreciate I'm a guy saying this - but, looking at your profile there's a number of reasons we wouldn't be suitable anyway ;) 

A good place to start is what makes you tick, what turns you on - what do you want to explore?  Then looking to seek knowledge around that.   

[Deleted Member]

Its easy for us dom's with experience to say it, but confidence is key. Once you've become more confident everything else will fall into place

[Dawson-4499]

Love the fact you was submissive before Christmas x

[8Ryder8]

I've dimmed for a while, and one piece of advice I can share is do try to enjoy yourself. Not everyone enjoys being a dom, you've gotta have a specific mindset or motive. What works for me is thinking: "This is ME time, I'm going to enjoy doing what *I* want to do, and I get to even if my partner would normally complain" also remember to treat your sub gently (to a point) because you dont want to break your toy necessarily. Hope this helps :)

[Ni****]

The best advice I can give you is to read up as much as you can on DS / Domme, and make a mental list of what interests you. i.e. what do you want to do to / with a sub? Then chat to potential subs who's kinks match yours. Have to kiss (chat) to a lot of frogs along the way, but DS is a journey of discovery for both dommes and subs, and enjoy the ride x PS. There is no "right" way to be a domme or dom, everyone is different ! x

[Crushingallreality]

Thanks all for your help! Do you know of anywhere online where I can find inspiration for scenes etc?

[Ni****]

You can try the Magazine on here, if on the website rather than the app, as has some very good articles x

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Crushingallreality said:

Thanks all for your help! Do you know of anywhere online where I can find inspiration for scenes etc?

Yes! Read erotica. Try literotica.com

Speak with submissive guys. They are usually quite willing to talk about their fantasies and desires. 

I also got lots of ideas from a couple of great books on Amazon about female domination, guide to being a mistress or something. One was about a woman who discovered her husband was submissive and decided to learn how to dominate him... and she was thoroughly evil. She found so many ways to take control and emasculate him. From subtle things to outright *** and ***. Been trying to remember the name or find it on my Kindle but can't... sorry. 

[Si****]

First know what you love doing, not just like doing but love. One thing I would say ( only my opinion) a Dom/Domme needs to be confident in who they are and where they are going. Not only in the kink/BDSM lifestyle, but in their every day life. You have to set the example. Knowledge brings confidence. Being able to communicate with a potential sub brings that knowledge. One feeds the other. The sub answers questions asked by the Dom, the Dom listens and gives the sub what they ask for and helps them to becoming better at being themselves. This builds trust in the sub and opens more doors of communication. This is how the Dom earns their trust and respect. one can act like a Domme, but are you just acting or is it something natural? That’s the question that has to be honestly answered first. You have to look hard in the mirror and find the you hidden inside. A sub chooses to be yours and you will have to make them want to be yours and not just because you say so.

[Deleted Member]

I think the emphasis on 'being confident' is a bit of a dig. Is it because she's come here and bravely asked the question? 

Confidence comes through doing. Trying to be confident before you know what you're doing will make you attempt things you're not ready for. 

There are ways to be quietly dominant as a starting point, without being a full-on leather boots Dominatrix. And if you're starting with a fairly inexperienced sub, you can explore together, responsibly. 

Submissive men respond to how a dominant woman dresses, and how she addresses them. I'm sure the OP can handle that, else she wouldn't have asked the question. 

Then you can move to sensual domination, while you learn about administering impact play or CBT or whatever skills you want to develop. 

Would be really nice if some Dommes chipped in on this one but I've given it my best. 

[Crushingallreality]

Thanks white rose,

That’s why I asked because I want to be confident in what I like and my knowledge etc before jumping in the deep end because I know that can bring serious risks and complications. 
 

I am confident in myself in general life and know what I like and don’t like, I love the thought of that control and responsiveness from a sub, but I’m just trying to learn more about this side of the scene, and how I can get inside his head and make him love but also hate what I do to him. 

[Jinxy]

On 1/27/2020 at 9:34 AM, MsWhiteRose said:

I think the emphasis on 'being confident' is a bit of a dig. Is it because she's come here and bravely asked the question? 

Confidence comes through doing. Trying to be confident before you know what you're doing will make you attempt things you're not ready for. 

There are ways to be quietly dominant as a starting point, without being a full-on leather boots Dominatrix. And if you're starting with a fairly inexperienced sub, you can explore together, responsibly. 

Submissive men respond to how a dominant woman dresses, and how she addresses them. I'm sure the OP can handle that, else she wouldn't have asked the question. 

Then you can move to sensual domination, while you learn about administering impact play or CBT or whatever skills you want to develop. 

Would be really nice if some Dommes chipped in on this one but I've given it my best. 

This, exactly. I was reading through all the comments and going to mention the same thing. Confidence comes with time. In my opinion, it's actually more intimidating to have to think you need to be supremely confident in how everything works to be successful with a sub. Not at all. As MsWhiteRose mentioned, this could actually get you into situations where you attempt things that you might not be competent at and could run the risk of damaging your relationship with your sub. Honestly, the best advice I can give you, besides making sure to do your research, is to be open and honest in your communication with your sub. Maybe they have some great suggestions on how to attempt a certain situation or maybe they can give you encouragement. I think feedback is undersold for the Domme in a relationship. It's just as important for a Domme to understand that she's doing well as it is for a sub. Check in with your sub and see what went right in the session or what needs to be tweaked. I'm with a sub currently who is way more experienced than me. When giving tasks or outlining sessions, I make sure he understands if at any time he has questions or concerns to ask away. Then I figure out a solution that addresses his concerns, if necessary. This also helps grow the relationship as the sub feels like they're being taken care of as much as they're pleasing you. Bottom line... don't be afraid to ask your sub for help. 

Also, for growing competency in specific kinks, there might be BDSM workshops available in your area. These allow you to observe the technique, ask questions of experienced kinksters, and potentially try it out. Fetlife is where I've found them before in my area but others might have some additional options to explore.