How does "polyamory" differ from "non monogamous "

[Deleted Member]

In the past (like before Poly was even a thing) I had been in many relationships that were NOT exclusive. Some went well, some not so much, but that's to be expected..
However if I truly cared about the person, I would maneuver to an exclusive relationship, or break it off.. what my question is, in a poly relationship where do "the feels" factor in, and is it helpful/not to extend those "feels" in all the relationships you are maintaining?

[Oonax2023]

I have only known one poly relationship out of dozens that has actually worked. Any partner besides the primary does not get the same level of devotion and I don’t know many who can be content with that indefinitely if , in fact, they consider themselves a partner also.

[su****]

Non-monogamy is pretty much a broader term, and polyamory is just under that umbrella.. in most other styles (least IMO) the focus is on the main couple , and stuff like swinging and open relationships are sexually open (or determined together), but romantically closed (with heavy rules to keep it this way)
With polyamory , the difference to me is just the freedom in connection- youd be ok to move to a relationship, but it wouldnt be exclusive sexually or romantically (unless its a closed triad/quad- its kinda frowned upon unless everyone agrees on it , and it occurs naturally as most approach it as one pair dating another person, as opposed the the three ships it actually is )- if done healthily each partner should be free to find their own relationships apart from one another... id say its certainly the style for you if you wanna be able to extend your feelings across partners- i guess it factors in when you are in a more romantic ship??
(Hope I helped)

[Ca****]

The simplest way to put it is that Polyamory and Non-monogamy are not mutually exclusive. One can be non-monogamous without being polyamorous, but not the other way around. Someone who is non-monogamous may just want to fuck people outside the relationship, but someone who is polyamorous can fully love and devote themselves to multiple partners.

[DickGozinya]

I feel the above comment explains it well enough.
With that being said, time to ruffle some feathers. As someone who dipped their toes into it briefly and whose brother has been that way for 20 years now. Very very rarely does it work. I find that a vast majority of people claiming to be poly, are just using it to cheat on an unsuspecting partner as it makes it easier to juggle someone on the side and lowers the risks of getting caught.

[ey****]

yep - non-mono is an extremely broad term and to be honest, there's more people practice some form of NM than even realise themselves.

Poly is a form of non-mono, in this case a person would have, or would potentially have, multiple relationships/partners on an ongoing basis.   They don't all have to have a primary partner, and they don't all have to be of equal rank. Partners don't have to be in relationships with each other, but can be.

Even within poly there's a lot of different subsets which can work.  They do all take a lot of work because instead of maintaining one relationship and all that goes into it, you're maintaining several - but then also while monogamous can be a simple "be everything to someone" poly can often be "be something to many people" 

[Ne****]

7 hours ago, Cane_Daddy said:

The simplest way to put it is that Polyamory and Non-monogamy are not mutually exclusive. One can be non-monogamous without being polyamorous, but not the other way around. Someone who is non-monogamous may just want to fuck people outside the relationship, but someone who is polyamorous can fully love and devote themselves to multiple partners.

I’d also throw in here that Polyam relationships can absolutely include those of a non-sexual nature. Example: I could be sexual with A, and B, but not C, but be in any level of Polyam relationship with any/all of them.

[Oldbutgood]

True Poly is actual relationships with multiple people. Not just having sex or being open. It could be two men and a woman, two women and a man, two men and two women, etc etc but they have some order of committed relationship with each other. They communicate with each other on decisions. It's a multi-person relationship not just having sex with multiple people.

[Th****]

I honestly think it’s an easy way to get out Scott free or to say you never were attached . I’ve been with a poly chick who was engaged to a trans/man. I had to ask her partner to have sex or if she could hang out with me and she would always say yes and we spent more time together then her and her fiancé but she made it clear I could be a partner but her fiancé was her soul mate and no matter what she Wouk never leave her. But the fiancé worked and was insecure becusse he was transitioning to a women and he liked guys so he never got ou and she would be out having sex with who she wanted and they never argued or fought . She added another trans person as a partner and told me my days I had as opposed to the days the other person had and her fiancé. See I was a partner after 3 weeks but she still was finding other I guess other potential partners still as well. But we since have broke it off after month long session lol an I just talk to her fiancé now lol so idk if that is weird or diff since it’s my first poly relationship but just some insite on what polys out there…

[Gr****]

Poly armory - Greek or Latin for “many loves”. To me polyamory is multiple emotional romances. ENM could include that, but to me thats more just physical, like a FWB or multiple sexual partners. Just my two cents.

[De****]

My partner and I, as well as most in the community maintain that emotional bonds are very possible with multiple partners. While every dynamic is absolutely unique, the understanding of just how crucial communication is cannot be understated.
So far as where does the feels come in... I suppose it's like any other dynamic. Either you feel it or you don't. Some dynamics frown on casual encounters. Some don't. Everyone is different. But, that's where communication comes in once again. You don't know if you don't ask. Besides, knowing a person's boundaries and limits is a very healthy thing to explore.

[al****]

Poly Amory is to me multiple romantic partners, like being in an actual relationship date nights dinners etc chilling like you would do with a mono partner. Enm/a open realtionship is more just sex no emotional attachment

[Th****]

As mentioned non monogamy is an umbrella term and there are many options within it.

Polyamory has various sub categories as well. At the very basic level it's having multiple relationships with multiple people. It is *not* inherently a "multi-person relationship" as one person stated, though a possibility it's not the norm. There's hierarchical, non-hierarchical, parallel, kitchen table and other styles. Some people also overlap a bit into relationship anarchy. Loads of open, direct communication and emotional intelligence is necessary early and often. 

If you Google "polyamory resources" you'll get a lot of results. The Poly Philia blog has a fairly extensive list of resources and the Multiamory podcast is pretty decent. The Gottman Institute is a solid resource for healthy relationships in general based on actual research and psychology. A lot of their stuff is about monogamy and marriage specifically but can be transferred to other interpersonal relationships.