Am I a bad sub?

[Woody3180]

Limits are limits Spooky Boo,
The guys above have said all that needs to be said I'll just add that you shouldn't feel bad for standing up for what you like and don't like.
"NEVER" Ever feel bad for saying what you enjoy and don't.
You are here to find your Forever Dom, PlayMate and Partner.
If he couldn't accept that *** is not one of your kinks then He should either have said "I'm sorry but this won't work out" or "Okay, We can as a Dynamic work around this"
I'm sure you're still reeling cause you thought you had found the one, but just remember that if someone doesn't accept you for you and everything that Cums with that then they're not the one for you.

It sounds like a VERY insecure Boy as well Spooky Boo, and either a Newbie or User&***r, not someone you'd want to be in a Dynamic or Partnership with.

Always know you "Are Worthy and Deserving" of the full package and unless your Partner is willing to go that extra step for you they don't Deserve or They're Not Worthy of the Connection you give for them.

With All Honour,
Woody,
GentDom/PleasureSadist/
DdyDom /Rigger

⛓️💜😈💜⛓️

(Please excuse the use of any Honorifics or Identity in the above message, they are used to express the conversation content and are in no way a demeaning or wanted offence towards yourself or any others spoken to or about.)

[Deleted Member]

Someone who uses a limit as a punishment (without prior discussion and agreement) is a bad Dom imo

[Lo****]

First off you don't need to do anything remember that you are in control of you, whether you're a sub, whether you're a dom and no matter what also you're very wise people on the internet tend to be people on the internet you.
You're gonna probably get that a lot. In the scene like fake doms who wanna come on here and they're not real doms at all, a real dom' is not gonna come up to a stranger and start being a d*******. That guy's actually the opposite of a Dom. He's what we like to call an insil.He hates women, he probably never gets laid, or and this would honestly be my guess he's married to a very dominant woman who makes him her b**** every single day and good for her for that. He goes and sees the same starbucks bariata every morning and he really wants to *** fuck her for no reason. But he knows that she will never give him an opportunity to hate f*** her. So when his wife is out with her boyfriend or at work, being the breadwinner, he goes online and that's where innocent ppl get to experiences douchery.

My advice" tell him to go f*** himself and that if he was a real dom, he would not ve harassing people online and then tell him that you recommend that he delete his account before a real dom goes and beats eleven f*** out of him for a stolen dom valor. I'm not a Dom, by the way, so it won't be me. However, I do have a very good friend who is. A like 24/7 sub. He is submissive to most people in in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom. He is also one of the most b***** strongest m************ I've ever met remember that you can be submissive, but you are still in control of that smithveness. You don't have to give that to everybody.That's something special

[Mr****]

Sorry to hear that. You are you own kind of sub so don’t summit to other people’s expectations. Good doms are just as hard to find as good men.

[Scott181]

I think that some men just think that all subs are the same. That might have worked for someone he's been with before but doesn't mean that it will work with you. I prefer to be and take the dominant role but not without knowing the person and what they do and don't like and certainty not just straight up calling them a bitch. He's not a Dom, just an idiot.

[Fghjk]

They sound grumpy i'd ignore them. X im not into being degraded either atm and i enjoy winding people up and having a giggle. Some people have no sense of fun or humour too.

He might be looking for a slave > a sub.

[Scott181]

It does sound like he wants something different than you. He just should not be here if that's how he's going to be. You'll find that person you can wind up and have a laugh with x

[Ba****]

You are NOT a bad sub. You are allowed your limits.
That being said, did you check that this particular human was open to being bratted at? Not all Dominants want to deal with brats and it is good practice to check before acting. I am not a brat, but I am a sarcastic asshole at times, so I’ve always checked whoever I was talking to is ok with that.
You live and learn. Don’t let this one experience ruin things for you.

[Woody3180]

15 minutes ago, Lord-Sloppymess said:

First off you don't need to do anything remember that you are in control of you, whether you're a sub, whether you're a dom and no matter what also you're very wise people on the internet tend to be people on the internet you.
You're gonna probably get that a lot. In the scene like fake doms who wanna come on here and they're not real doms at all, a real dom' is not gonna come up to a stranger and start being a d*******. That guy's actually the opposite of a Dom. He's what we like to call an insil.He hates women, he probably never gets laid, or and this would honestly be my guess he's married to a very dominant woman who makes him her b**** every single day and good for her for that. He goes and sees the same starbucks bariata every morning and he really wants to *** fuck her for no reason. But he knows that she will never give him an opportunity to hate f*** her. So when his wife is out with her boyfriend or at work, being the breadwinner, he goes online and that's where innocent ppl get to experiences douchery.

My advice" tell him to go f*** himself and that if he was a real dom, he would not ve harassing people online and then tell him that you recommend that he delete his account before a real dom goes and beats eleven f*** out of him for a stolen dom valor. I'm not a Dom, by the way, so it won't be me. However, I do have a very good friend who is. A like 24/7 sub. He is submissive to most people in in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom. He is also one of the most b***** strongest m************ I've ever met remember that you can be submissive, but you are still in control of that smithveness. You don't have to give that to everybody.That's something special

Fully agree with 'Ma Lord Sloppymess on His words above (Wicked Name, by the way, loving it).
It does sound like a Faker and ***r, someone who's suddenly watched 50 F'ing Shades and thinks he knows what being Dominant is about.
It's not about ***, it's about knowing what your PlayMate/Partner enjoys, what you enjoy and knowing the limits of where you can both be with this connection.
I've been Dominant since I was 21, I'm now 44 and still going through My Evolution, still learning, still being Educated and still willing and able to listen to everyone especially My Partner/PlayMate at all times.
Being Dominant doesn't mean you are angry or upset, Abusive or A User, it means you know how to take Command and Control within the PlayRoom, Scenes and Scenarios, it means you can communicate outwardly without the worry about what others think, it's about Knowing what you enjoy and your Partner does and able to give that Connection both in and out of the Play situations.
Just cause I'm Dominant doesn't mean I'm an asshole, doesn't mean I expect My Partner to take shit off of Me for No reason(especially when it involves limits and kinks), it means I'm Commanding when in Play and Controlling of the Scenario and Kinks, Within both of Our Limits.

Do yourself a huge favour and think yourself lucky Spooky Boo, it sounds like you've managed to escape a Dick head lowlife.

Have fun, Be safe and Never be anything but yourself.
Don't just give your Submission for free, give it to the Man who respects you in and out of the Scenarios, and gives you the Before, During and Aftercare.

You're "Worthy and Deserving" of nothing less Little Lady.

With All Honour,
Woody,
GentDom/PleasureSadist/
DdyDom /Rigger

⛓️💜😈💜⛓️

(Please excuse the use of any Honorifics or Identity in the above message, they are used to express the conversation content and are in no way a demeaning or wanted offence towards yourself or any others spoken to or about.)

[Ca****]

No, you’re not a bad sub. You were setting boundaries. The individual you dealt with is not a Dom at all.
It can be very difficult not to take interactions like that personally, especially if you take the lifestyle seriously and it’s a big part of your life. But try to take it with a grain of salt and remember that everyone’s experience level will be different, and some will be entirely ignorant of BDSM customs and courtesies and etiquette.

[StaindGlassHeart]

50 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

Another wannabe Dom who doesn’t know what he’s doing. No need for you to put up with that.

100% this.

Good for you, @spooky_boo, for setting and enforcing your boundary with someone who is crossing lines and trying to make it look like your fault. Don’t stand for bs from gaslighting wannabes who don’t know what they’re doing.

Find someone who respects you and knows your worth. 🫶🏽

[As****]

If you don’t like something and have limits, its on me the Dom to abide by them while keeping control of our fun.
As a Dom, I enjoy talking with my playmates to learn about them what they want to try and are into, cause that allows me to be aware of what to avoid and paths to not cross.

So sorry you experienced that person, limits and preferences are things we all are entitled to, it always saddens me to hear when others ignore them or treat people worse for having them.

[mi****]

@spooky_boo if he had read your profile he would know you're dominate by nature so if anyone was to be called a bitch you should call him that now unless you 2 were play fight I can understand due to competitive side however no you are not a bad sub you just don't like a guy calling you that word like the last comment said about finding someone who respect you and self worth I too have a close friend who I practically grew up with she has been in abusive marriage her husband called her that she had her brain poisoned by her husband for 24 years I slowly got her they way she used to be twice to know avail she's doing things that even I've been shocked by and I knew her for 30 years but being in that marriage it feels like I don't even know my own best friend anymore so if I were you Spooky don't let ANYONE change you and don't let some jerk question you on you being a bad sub be you and be the best you you can be you are better than some jerk question your self worth that guy was just a narcissist trying to bring you down and unfortunately there are more people like that in this world I am sorry to say so don't change or question who you are just be proud of the young lady you are that is the best advice I can give to you I do hope you find the right person you be with take comfort in knowing you did nothing wrong

[StaindGlassHeart]

36 minutes ago, Woody3180 said:

Fully agree with 'Ma Lord Sloppymess on His words above (Wicked Name, by the way, loving it).
It does sound like a Faker and ***r, someone who's suddenly watched 50 F'ing Shades and thinks he knows what being Dominant is about.
It's not about ***, it's about knowing what your PlayMate/Partner enjoys, what you enjoy and knowing the limits of where you can both be with this connection.
I've been Dominant since I was 21, I'm now 44 and still going through My Evolution, still learning, still being Educated and still willing and able to listen to everyone especially My Partner/PlayMate at all times.
Being Dominant doesn't mean you are angry or upset, Abusive or A User, it means you know how to take Command and Control within the PlayRoom, Scenes and Scenarios, it means you can communicate outwardly without the worry about what others think, it's about Knowing what you enjoy and your Partner does and able to give that Connection both in and out of the Play situations.
Just cause I'm Dominant doesn't mean I'm an asshole, doesn't mean I expect My Partner to take shit off of Me for No reason(especially when it involves limits and kinks), it means I'm Commanding when in Play and Controlling of the Scenario and Kinks, Within both of Our Limits.

Do yourself a huge favour and think yourself lucky Spooky Boo, it sounds like you've managed to escape a Dick head lowlife.

Have fun, Be safe and Never be anything but yourself.
Don't just give your Submission for free, give it to the Man who respects you in and out of the Scenarios, and gives you the Before, During and Aftercare.

You're "Worthy and Deserving" of nothing less Little Lady.

With All Honour,
Woody,
GentDom/PleasureSadist/
DdyDom /Rigger

⛓️💜😈💜⛓️

(Please excuse the use of any Honorifics or Identity in the above message, they are used to express the conversation content and are in no way a demeaning or wanted offence towards yourself or any others spoken to or about.)

Beautifully said. Allllll of this.

[mi****]

@StaindGlassHeart I hope you mean mine too cuz I will never in my life understand why people tear each other down like that I mean I was 18 once myself I've been bullied too some I used to question my self too

[Hucklepuck]

@spooky_boo honestly this isn't on you. A lot of people have different thoughts on what a sub is and define it differently. Some prefer to be possesiv over subs, some just like shy people that take a while. Some love to verbally *** subs but forget to ask them if they even like that. Honestly when you tell them what you like and dislike and they blatantly ignore it, don't mind them and don't waste your time on them. If you can't enjoy it and be who you wanna be, what's the point in submitting. The whole idea is that you willingly submit to someone or consensual non-consent if you are into that. But even if, talk about it and make yourself heard. Be it a sub, a Dom or switch or something entirely else: talk and then play, before you do something the other person won't like. And don't *** something on them and don't feel ***d to do what someone else demands, if you don't feel comfortable with it 🙂

[pu****]

That is ***, and a them problem not a you problem. Im sorry you went through that. Dm me please

[Furass]

Being a sub is a consensual act and there are rules set by the sub. Respect is paramount and here you were disrespected. This is not on you and you should not feel bad about sticking up for yourself. A Dom must care for the sub and be grateful that you have consented to serve .

[Di****]

I'm sorry this happened to you, he's evidently not a good dom, ultimately the sub is actually in charge of the dynamic, not the dom, the dom provides direction and helps create the experience, the sub sets the limits and dictates when play stops.

[De****]

By no means are you a bad sub. You are clearly not the sub for him, and tbh that doesn’t sound like much of a loss. Keep being you and when you meet the right Dom, grow together.

[mi****]

See @spooky_boo we are all on your side and we are real friends if you let us

[Ba****]

This is just my opinion but there's no such thing as a bad sub. Bad doms that do not respect boundaries however seem to abound

[Spike-69]

Just sounds to me like someone was on an ego trip, looking for what they could get away with, but clearly jumped in with both feet. Buttons are there to be pushed & tested, but not at that pace. Just be who you are….

[MasterKama23]

A dom/ sub relationship is built on strong communication and agreement on boundaries, not just verbal but written, if one is serious. Its a mutual agreement on what are items both parties involved really enjoy, what they dont like but are open to trying and what is a absolute no for each one. This needs to be revisited often, atleast every 2 weeks at the beginning. So please dont be overwhelmed, frustrated maybe, because just like any regular dating it seems like you were not a good match. In your specific case, if you dont like being degraded and that was already communicated, then you dom obviously did not respect that. Just move on. Just note that clarity in communucatuon, outside of play session , is very important and also a subs responsibility.

[CyD]

Never claimed to be a dom/master, not properly but to my partner I respected them and their needs. We had expectations we discussed and kept to boundaries. Makes me laugh and a little scared people say no limits/safewords aren’t necessary. There’s an extreme this can be taken to, but limits are integral to play to keep someone safe. Maybe this ‘dom’ wanted to just have you roll over and him take what he thought was control.