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Giving & Receiving

By Deleted Member
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Deleted Member

Posted

When it comes to giving/receiving, what are your thoughts on who needs to give what in order to receive something back?

I have a situation in which I have almost never NOT been given a starting touch/feel, grab, or stimulating interaction, but I get told the only way to get this partner turned on is by receiving from me, and then there isn't any reciprocation.

In my past, I have always been given first, then given back, before it led to more engagement on a physical level.
Additionally, when it comes to the act itself, theres really no energy, enthusiasm, or emotion.

Ultimately, I want to get feedback from different people on their experiences and what they/you feel is considered normal or at least fair.

Bi****

Bi****

Posted
I feel it should be even except some days 1 should give more then the other and vice versa
ki****

ki****

Posted
  11 minutes ago, BigBadBootyDaddy said:
I feel it should be even except some days 1 should give more then the other and vice versa
Expand  

Agree with him.

no****

no****

Posted
It's hard to be fair about it considering you every time she fucking suck your dick she gets one of your loads in your mouth and every time you eat the pussy you know what do you get like some yellow cottage cheese I mean it's hard to compare but maybe like a photo center or something like that but when your tongue goes in the hole it runs a timer or maybe like a invisible dog Finch perimeter you can set up a perimeter you know like maybe going to adjust your ring cam something like that you can also get like the photo cells from a garage door opener and mount them at the entrance so whenever you're down there macking on her shit you break that photo fell you know being an internet fucking shuts off the timer or or you know hey you can always wear full scuba gear and maybe get a scuba watch and diving watch you know that though to help you keep track of how much oxygen you got left in your tank and all that other stuff
Ca****

Ca****

Posted
As someone who has been in 2 cuckold relationships and has been in chastity since 19 I almost always give , at least physically anyway
Ho****

Ho****

Posted
  2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:
Transactional relationships lead to shallow interactions. If you're giving to receive something back, I'd argue that there's no real emotional connection.
Expand  

Agreed, by my definition when you're "counting the cost" that isn't giving.

ey****

ey****

Posted

sex and relationships should feel natural.

If someone is giving you feedback that they are not receiving enough from you - then this is on you how you deal with it -- either, giving more (regardless of what you get in return) or, well, is this the right relationship for you both?

Equally, if you feel you are not getting enough - this is to communicate also and above applies.  But you shouldn't be looking at everything as "But what do I get?" -- I dunno, do you want to be the one to meet your partners needs?

Th****

Th****

Posted
  12 hours ago, iBeerlyDrinkXO said:

When it comes to giving/receiving, what are your thoughts on who needs to give what in order to receive something back?

Expand  

This thought process is a mistake. If the reason you give is to recieve then you're setting yourself and any potential relationships up for disappointment and failure. 

The default in relationships should be giving for the sake of giving because we *actually like* the person we're with and we want them to feel liked/loved, wanted and appreciated. We should want their needs to be met and to be part of the equation in meeting them. If they're left on their own to get their needs met then why would they even want to be with us? Everyone's needs will be different, this is why open discussions with care and empathy should take place early and often. 

If we're moving into kink/bdsm and D/s dynamics then there often are "imbalances" but they absolutely should be thoroughly discussed and negotiated up front so everyone involved is happy with it and negotiations should be ongoing with regular check ins to discuss if things are still working for everyine as is or if adjustments need to be made. 

How I'm reading your post OP is that in all previous relationships your partner has initiated? (I'm assuming we're discussing any/all sexual interactions here since you didn't specify.) And your current partner says they need you to initiate? At least sometimes? 

It's not really "normal" or healthy for only one partner to ever initiate unless that's what's been discussed and agreed upon because it's the preference of *both* people. It's also probably unreasonable to expect enthusiasm from someone when they've said they need something and they aren't really feeling like they're being heard and those needs aren't getting met. 

Give for the sake of giving, focus on you being a good partner yourself, ask what your partner needs and then do your best to help meet those needs. Almost always some needs will be outside of sexual context. Both partners should be working *together* to ensure the relationship is mutually fulfilling for what each of them wants and needs. Things will not always be "fair" that's just life and how things are, wanting things to be "fair" in a relationship isn't a healthy mindset. Instead think collaborative, complementary and synergetic. 

Most people could benefit from actively seeking education on what healthy relationships look like (intimate partnerships AND regular interpersonal relationships), nonviolent communication, emotional intelligence and how to *be* a good and healthy partner and just all around human. 

ge****

ge****

Posted
Ultimately it comes down to how *you* approach it, just like anything else in life - when I have intimate time with someone I don't set a timer, or keep a log of who's done what to who. The experience for me is one of mutual pleasure and so long as everyone leaves smiling, and wanting to do it again, then that is the *only* thing that matters.
.
It's not about who's given or received in the slightest, making it so makes it, cold and clinical and not the kind of intimacy that interests me.
.
Now that all said if you're with someone who takes but never gives, each and every time, then it's time for a conversation with *that* person, not a bunch of strangers on the Internet!! And the conversation should be one of love and understanding, not a presented list of demands!!

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
  1 hour ago, ThaliaV said:

This thought process is a mistake. If the reason you give is to recieve then you're setting yourself and any potential relationships up for disappointment and failure. 

The default in relationships should be giving for the sake of giving because we *actually like* the person we're with and we want them to feel liked/loved, wanted and appreciated. We should want their needs to be met and to be part of the equation in meeting them. If they're left on their own to get their needs met then why would they even want to be with us? Everyone's needs will be different, this is why open discussions with care and empathy should take place early and often. 

If we're moving into kink/bdsm and D/s dynamics then there often are "imbalances" but they absolutely should be thoroughly discussed and negotiated up front so everyone involved is happy with it and negotiations should be ongoing with regular check ins to discuss if things are still working for everyine as is or if adjustments need to be made. 

How I'm reading your post OP is that in all previous relationships your partner has initiated? (I'm assuming we're discussing any/all sexual interactions here since you didn't specify.) And your current partner says they need you to initiate? At least sometimes? 

It's not really "normal" or healthy for only one partner to ever initiate unless that's what's been discussed and agreed upon because it's the preference of *both* people. It's also probably unreasonable to expect enthusiasm from someone when they've said they need something and they aren't really feeling like they're being heard and those needs aren't getting met. 

Give for the sake of giving, focus on you being a good partner yourself, ask what your partner needs and then do your best to help meet those needs. Almost always some needs will be outside of sexual context. Both partners should be working *together* to ensure the relationship is mutually fulfilling for what each of them wants and needs. Things will not always be "fair" that's just life and how things are, wanting things to be "fair" in a relationship isn't a healthy mindset. Instead think collaborative, complementary and synergetic. 

Most people could benefit from actively seeking education on what healthy relationships look like (intimate partnerships AND regular interpersonal relationships), nonviolent communication, emotional intelligence and how to *be* a good and healthy partner and just all around human. 

Expand  

I have had numerous discussions with current partner, and when it comes to G/R, usually, i am first to give because i enjoy it, and what it gives them.

Simply put, there is no enthusiasm or for sake of argument, interest, in any kind of reciprocation.

Knowing there is some trauma in the past for them, this has been a very slow, understanding, and cautious path that I have encountered with them, yet there are additional factors that do not seem to add up to the lack of interest towards me other than a couple of things..

Briefly, while long distance, there was a period where said partner felt she wanted a more physical connection with another female. I was accepting and understanding considering the circumstances, and was willing to give it a try.

Overall there was not the same level of work or effort I find myself having to go though to bring out what someone else was able to do in a matter of days or at the most a couple of weeks. There was more genuine interest at the time with another female, so I took this as a positive as it made my partner more comfortable, not to mention we communicated throughout and sometimes I was even shown what all would go on, but also there seemed to be some secrecy in the situation.
When it came to G/R in this scenario, there was no difficulties.
Now that time has passed, and that relationship no longer exists, I find it very confusing to be someone that has shown what I have, given and sacrificed, but yet when it comes to me, there seems to suddenly be 'roadblocks'.

Overall, as you have stated, I give to give.. but from other relationships and experiences, there was no battle to obtain mutual benefits from one another. This relationship is still working through some bumps in the road, I am not sure whether it is fully me or if there is work that my partner would need to consider finding help with, as the capability is clearly there to show the same level of enthusiasm and interest as myself, but I may not have all the right answers, or know the questions, to unlock that from her.

Deleted Member

Posted
  • Author
  7 hours ago, notselfish said:

It's hard to be fair about it considering you every time she fucking suck your dick she gets one of your loads in your mouth and every time you eat the pussy you know what do you get like some yellow cottage cheese I mean it's hard to compare but maybe like a photo center or something like that but when your tongue goes in the hole it runs a timer or maybe like a invisible dog Finch perimeter you can set up a perimeter you know like maybe going to adjust your ring cam something like that you can also get like the photo cells from a garage door opener and mount them at the entrance so whenever you're down there macking on her shit you break that photo fell you know being an internet fucking shuts off the timer or or you know hey you can always wear full scuba gear and maybe get a scuba watch and diving watch you know that though to help you keep track of how much oxygen you got left in your tank and all that other stuff

Expand  

I have no idea WTF you are saying

Th****

Th****

Posted
  6 hours ago, iBeerlyDrinkXO said:

I have no idea WTF you are saying

Expand  

Yeah, I couldn't decipher that either and was tempted to ask if they were OK. 

  • 4 months later...
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