Emotions

[Deleted Member]

Could really use a bit of advice or maybe just to be told I'm not the only one.

But does anyone else burst into tears the moment their Dom leaves? I seem to do it all the time.

I would never usually write on here because I'm terrible at talking about my emotions so much so that Sir has me write them down in a book for him to read. Not that he gives me feed back but at least he knows where my head is at. But I really dont know how to control the overwhelming need to cry when he leaves. I also dont want to tell him because I dont want him to think bad of me. I would be so grateful for any tips or advice.

Thank you in advance

[LeedsDaddy]

How is his aftercare? Sounds a bit like subdrop

[Ar****]

This may not be the kind of advice you are looking for but I hope it is of some use anyway. As a Dom (making the assumption from what I've read that you have been with your Dom for quite a while and have a good connection) I would always emphasise how important communication is and want to know something like this. Nobody caring/with empathy, Dom or otherwise, is ever going to think badly of you for your humanity, for opening up and for feeling. I would suggest it may be important for yourself to recognise why you react this way, so that you can process and deal with it better. But please consider talking with your Dom and letting him in on this, so that you may tackle it together and you can avoid any anxiety over wondering what to do. Talk to other subs first of course... but trust in your bond.

[li****]

You are not the only one this happens to, as I do it also. I'm much better now when my Sir leaves me, in the beginning of our relationship/dynamic I would cry my eyes up every time he left me so much so I felt lost and felt like a part of me was missing. Its part of a subdrop like @LeedsDaddy has mentioned, my Sir always makes sure he contacts me as soon as he's home but it does take him 3 or more hours to get home when he leaves me. So what I tend to do is some self care up till I hear from my Sir again which can include me having a hot bath, maybe even making myself a hot cup of sweet tea, to eating chocolate or sweets just to get my levels back up from the drop type feeling. I agree with @Aranhis you must tell your Sir about these feelings communicate with him he then may be able to help you in some way before he leaves my Sir always makes sure i'm 100% ok before he leaves and yes I may drop when he goes but then i'll do my self care to help me along till I hear from him again. Hope my advice helps you i'm open to more questions If you feel ok in asking. 

[Qu****]

I fully empathise as I’ve been a sub myself. Aftercare and communication is vital after a play session or lengthy time together. The emptiness can be overwhelming if you don’t have that. The close connection you have with your Dom is like nothing else and the feelings can be very intense. My beautiful friend @lil-monster has hit the nail on the head, pamper yourself, take time to relax and have a little treat.

 Strange thing is, now I’m a Domme I get really bad domme drop (if there is such a thing) and as I am the dominant one in the d/s dynamic, who do I go to?? I’m supposed to be the strong one in control but I feel lost and a bit emotional for a couple of days after I’ve spent time with my sub.

[Wi****]

Im curious to know if Male subs are affected as much subdrop as lady subs, im aware it affects everyone differently, im curious because men in general have a habit of hiding there emotions.

[LeedsDaddy]

4 minutes ago, Queenie63 said:

I fully empathise as I’ve been a sub myself. Aftercare and communication is vital after a play session or lengthy time together. The emptiness can be overwhelming if you don’t have that. The close connection you have with your Dom is like nothing else and the feelings can be very intense. My beautiful friend @lil-monster has hit the nail on the head, pamper yourself, take time to relax and have a little treat.

 Strange thing is, now I’m a Domme I get really bad domme drop (if there is such a thing) and as I am the dominant one in the d/s dynamic, who do I go to?? I’m supposed to be the strong one in control but I feel lost and a bit emotional for a couple of days after I’ve spent time with my sub.

Dom drop certainly is a thing. We have the same raised levels as the sub. It is why aftercare is so important.  It works both ways. 

[li****]

37 minutes ago, Queenie63 said:

I fully empathise as I’ve been a sub myself. Aftercare and communication is vital after a play session or lengthy time together. The emptiness can be overwhelming if you don’t have that. The close connection you have with your Dom is like nothing else and the feelings can be very intense. My beautiful friend @lil-monster has hit the nail on the head, pamper yourself, take time to relax and have a little treat.

 Strange thing is, now I’m a Domme I get really bad domme drop (if there is such a thing) and as I am the dominant one in the d/s dynamic, who do I go to?? I’m supposed to be the strong one in control but I feel lost and a bit emotional for a couple of days after I’ve spent time with my sub.

Aw thank you beautiful 💜 and yes Dom/me drop is a thing also. I say aftercare goes both ways I always make sure I'm there for my Sir also as much he is for me by that it's just constant contact and communication for a day after even a few days just making sure we're both ok!!! I think you also do things you enjoy Hun to get you out of that feeling of a drop, make sure you give yourself some self care as much as giving your sub aftercare.

[Ar****]

52 minutes ago, Queenie63 said:

Strange thing is, now I’m a Domme I get really bad domme drop (if there is such a thing) and as I am the dominant one in the d/s dynamic, who do I go to?? I’m supposed to be the strong one in control but I feel lost and a bit emotional for a couple of days after I’ve spent time with my sub.

Absolutely! I'm in a bit of a limbo situation where this week I've seen my sub (on our own and overnight, anyway) for the first time in over three months, and communication has been very inconsistent in that period. I can't blame her for it as I know she is under a lot of other pressures, but I almost feel like I've been in a "dom drop" for weeks and have only had one or two people I can talk to about it for support.

 

Thank you for highlighting this oft-overlooked aspect.

[LeedsDaddy]

18 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

Aw thank you beautiful 💜 and yes Dom/me drop is a thing also. I say aftercare goes both ways I always make sure I'm there for my Sir also as much he is for me by that it's just constant contact and communication for a day after even a few days just making sure we're both ok!!! I think you also do things you enjoy Hun to get you out of that feeling of a drop, make sure you give yourself some self care as much as giving your sub aftercare.

Agree totally.  The Dom and sub are there for each other from start to finish and that includes aftercare. I would have severe reservations about leaving my sub at risk of drop. It is a symbiosis, you go up together, you come down together. 

I'm a firm believer in the principle that a Dom/sub relationship is fundamentally equal. We both agree to meet each others needs. Maybe it's just me, but regardless of role, we look after each other. I don't relax until my sub is safe and well. 

Communication. Jeez, we say that word like a glib cliché but it is critical.  Any, even slight, failure in that is dangerous for everyone. If there is a risk of drop, you have to allow time for that, even if it means reducing 'play' time. Ending a scene and dashing out because of time constraints.. well imho that is wrong. 

Maybe it's the caregiver in me. 

[li****]

9 minutes ago, LeedsDaddy said:

Agree totally.  The Dom and sub are there for each other from start to finish and that includes aftercare. I would have severe reservations about leaving my sub at risk of drop. It is a symbiosis, you go up together, you come down together. 

I'm a firm believer in the principle that a Dom/sub relationship is fundamentally equal. We both agree to meet each others needs. Maybe it's just me, but regardless of role, we look after each other. I don't relax until my sub is safe and well. 

Communication. Jeez, we say that word like a glib cliché but it is critical.  Any, even slight, failure in that is dangerous for everyone. If there is a risk of drop, you have to allow time for that, even if it means reducing 'play' time. Ending a scene and dashing out because of time constraints.. well imho that is wrong. 

Maybe it's the caregiver in me. 

I agree 100% me and Sir both make sure we're ok after a play the aftercare we give each other is that we talk about it what happened during the play ect we both hold each other to get that feeling of closeness and just be there for each other, and we both don't move until we know each other is ok. Communication is fundamental in D/s as like you say any drop or cut off in it can have severe consequences for both. And yes I believe it's equal also and I think many would agree also. 

Edited February 5, 2020 by lil-monster

[Charms]

I'd ask for none play time with your sir just for half hour an say not only do you want him to read what's in your book but also you want to talk about it. I was lucky I saw my master at least 3 times a week an as soon as I was in taxi on way home hed mesage me. Plus after care wed have a while an I normaly fell asleep  in his arms so I felt content 

[Deleted Member]

For some reason in this world we have all these different labels for basically what is normal human emotion.When two people are emotionally close as any good relationship should be,be it sub/dom or even vanilla for that matter to know for at least the short term it's done with can be heartbreaking We are for me even closer than many as the trust we build and the connection that creates is deeply powerful and of course that's going to be upsetting sometimes for days even weeks when that is taken away.The "drop"for me is just two people who have a deep connection basically missing each other which again is perfectly normal,if you didn't feel like that then do you have a real connection?I don't think so.I don't see how any decent man could feel bad at you for "feeling"iemotions are the one thing mostly all of us struggle to control and the one thing we just can't help.We feel what we feel and it can't be turned off,talk to him,explain where you are at and if he is a "good"man he will understand,make allowances to try and ease the *** you feel.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for all your advice I really do appreciate it.

From what I can gather I need to spend a bit more time looking after him and in return it will make me feel better, and I'll have a better chance of looking after myself when he leaves.

Also try to get over this issue I have about talking about how im feeling. I just dont like upsetting anyone and feelings can be upsetting if not explained properly.

Once again thank you. X

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, kimbaby said:

Could really use a bit of advice or maybe just to be told I'm not the only one.

But does anyone else burst into tears the moment their Dom leaves? I seem to do it all the time.

I would never usually write on here because I'm terrible at talking about my emotions so much so that Sir has me write them down in a book for him to read. Not that he gives me feed back but at least he knows where my head is at. But I really dont know how to control the overwhelming need to cry when he leaves. I also dont want to tell him because I dont want him to think bad of me. I would be so grateful for any tips or advice.

Thank you in advance

Generally we don't know all the details about posters D/s rl, your emotional state and what kind of person you are, so all the responses could be vague and might not respond to what you expect. 

yes it could be subdrop, but could be something else. Talk to the Dom is of course the best choice as I am sure you would have done if you chose the right Dom for you. You mentioned every time so I assume you have been with him a while? 

Its harsh from people to presuming your Dom doesn't aftercare or communicate without having the full knowledge of it. 

Subdrop could happened soon after he left or later from 2 hours to 24 hours, so lets not jump on him to fast pls. 

I will had to the response above your D/s is not a general one, what applied to you is maybe not the taste for others? some subs doesnt want an after care and rather let be alone as soon sessions are over, they want to deal on their own. 

But i guess you wanted to know through some subs perspective and its good to ask these kind of questions on forum and I admire your courage to do it so. 

best regards 

[Deleted Member]

"Cry if you want to" your letting out some deep hurt or ***..

[Deleted Member]

I'm sorry, not being the only one is common and I'm afraid it is difficult to cope with emotionally. He has the control and knowledge that you will be upset and as a submissive you do have to manage this. It hurts. I use to just get on with chores, be the best I could be but I knew he was with someone else. You will learn to cope but if he returns to you it tells you something sweetheart. Stay strong. X

[Deleted Member]

Your so brave to speak on your emotions and they are valid and important. I can understand rhat it may be hard when he leaves but you are your own woman and can be whatever you want and have whomever you want. Keep your head up sexy

[Deleted Member]

Your not the onlye one

[Wo****]

19 hours ago, kimbaby said:

Could really use a bit of advice or maybe just to be told I'm not the only one.

But does anyone else burst into tears the moment their Dom leaves? I seem to do it all the time.

I would never usually write on here because I'm terrible at talking about my emotions so much so that Sir has me write them down in a book for him to read. Not that he gives me feed back but at least he knows where my head is at. But I really dont know how to control the overwhelming need to cry when he leaves. I also dont want to tell him because I dont want him to think bad of me. I would be so grateful for any tips or advice.

Thank you in advance

Let it out...

It's a release.

I cry every time Pirate leaves, sometimes before he goes. It's normal and it's ok to feel it.

 

Tell your Dom how you feel, if you can, and self care.

I have a soak in the bath, have a good cry, i write and i listen to music. You're not alone in feeling lkke you do xx

[Phoenyx]

18 hours ago, kimbaby said:

Could really use a bit of advice or maybe just to be told I'm not the only one.

But does anyone else burst into tears the moment their Dom leaves? I seem to do it all the time.

I know exactly what you are feeling.  This is nothing unusual.  In the BDSM realm, all emotions are  magnified/intensified.  I'd like to say, that you will eventually adjust.  But, no one ever really gets used to this.  Such intensity is one of the attractions of the BDSM scene.  Even I have experienced a sudden flow of tears, for no apparent reason.  I just get a vague sense that I have overloaded some emotional circuit.

I have to agree with Fab Severus, that too many folks have jumped to the conclusion, that you were not getting needed aftercare (though Fab could have been a little more diplomatic in his response).  Aftercare was one of the questions that I had wished to pose.  In my experience, I have noticed "Drop" to occur in 3 stages.  The first, and most intense, is the one dealt-with in aftercare.  The second comes with the inevitable separation, even if that separation is hours later.  It could come from one of the parties physically leaving the residence, or the simple turning-away in bed, to finally get some sleep.

The third stage usually occurs one-to-three days later.  It comes without warning, as the last of the energy/ endorphins drain-off.  In the case of "Dom drop", I have found that it helps to be around people, when this happens.  Even a simple trip to the grocery store, can be quite restorative.  Interactions with others, even brief ones, tend to revive the energy flow, and cause it to drain more slowly.

I hope this was of some help.  Please, if you can, try to give us some updates, so we are not continually wondering.

[Dzydove]

I have to be honest, this explains why I was very wary of being with someone on a "just for fun" level. This world IMO doesn't allow for that.