Advice

[Kinky_Key]

What is “normal” dom behavior when first talking to them? So far he has been coming on really strong and hasn’t really talked to me about anything I think Should be talked about (limits, etc...). Any advice would be greatly appreciated! 

[Deleted Member]

I think you should block him. If someone was really looking for a relationship, they would get to know you first. I think he is just looking for a hook up.

[Deleted Member]

Should be getting to know you. Asking about your limits. Figuring out how you tick.

[Ea****]

That would be a red flag to me. You have to find out about each other first, find out what both of you want to enjoy doing, what limits are etc. He is going straight for the jugular. I would say drop him now.

[BigPolly]

The fact that you have come here to ask shows you are uncomfortable by his approach.
He should be making you feel totally comfortable so that you can talk to him about anything, build up some trust & have the freedom to be yourself.
Have the confidence to approach him with what you think & see what his reaction is but more than anything, trust your gut.

[Deleted Member]

When a Dom communicate it should be more like a vanilla setting. Try to know each other a bit. Nothing sexual unless it’s you who initiate. He shouldn’t ask you for any pics or video, unless you feel confortable. I usually ask for a Live Photo to make sure I don’t waste my time with some game player.
it should be fun, not pushy, respectful. He should ask you about your hard limits, soft limits, your fantasy, your health issues if any. 
 

Edited February 8, 2020 by Deleted Member
Typos

[Deleted Member]

Nope

[Deleted Member]

He's a pretender and should be avoided my dear

[Stan2881]

All what has been said already is true as far as I am concerned
He should be trying to find out all about you first before being trying to get you to do anything
He should definitely be avoided

[li****]

Getting to know the person should always come first, kink ect comes second!!!!

He should want to know what you like/dislike that's including vanilla and kink. He should be getting to know you and he clearly isn't and to me that's a big massive red flag. Talk, talk, talk about everything and anything and if he's pushing for things then that would ring alarm bells also. Remember you as the sub have the power at this stage you have your right to say no to everything and not feel pressured in to doing something you clearly not comfortable with. 

Edited February 8, 2020 by lil-monster

[LostAndFoundGiGi]

Same.

[Deleted Member]

Honey you have responses from a varied range of people here, they do point you towards similar answers though. Hope it helps you with decision making. X

[LivTru]

If you are already feeling pressured and uncomfortable, then you should listen to your gut. Dom includes caring for and protecting your sub, and ALWAYS starts with learning about you and your limts, likes, dislikes, etc. He is either inexperienced, thinks 50 shades is a bible (shudder), or is potentially dangerous. Always trust your gut.

[Deleted Member]

Totally agree with everything that's been said. He sounds to be an ego tripper and your opinions dont appear to be in the forefront of his thoughts...wrong approach. Leave...and let him work out why.

[Kinky_Key]

Thank you all, I really do appreciate it. From what I’m gathering from all of you, it seems to me that this guy is acting like a dom just so he can order me to send him nudes. I will bring all of this with me into any future endeavors I decide to partake in. Thank you so much!! 

[Ar****]

@lil-monsteris spot on here, please listen to her.

 

There are different types of "normal" behaviour; there is commonplace behaviour which ought not be accepted, and there is what should be more normal.

 

When people come on strong to you it can be easy to consider it flattery. Unfortunately more often than not it stems from disrespect and can be an indicator of other negative personality traits. 

 

What IS normal, whether in this community or regular dating, is that relationships should be partnerships. Caring about you, being interested in you - these ought to be his priorities. It's a big concern that he is going hard and not talking to you about your limits and the other things you consider important; you know this already though, else you wouldn't be seeking advice.

 

I've just seen that you've added your own response here so I'll not say any more, it seems you're sorted now. Good luck in your future engagements.

[LeedsDaddy]

Polite and respectful. He shouldn't be treating you like he owns you without getting to know you first.. sounds dodgy to me

[Urbanman15]

My advice as a Dom is block him he isnt what he appears if he isnt making an effort to make a connection with you but is coming on too strong and not talking about things that will connect with you block him go with your gut feelings take care x

[ey****]

there's a lot of really good advice on this thread.

In terms of what is normal; I think everyone has their own way of doing things - and if you're not happy with the approach of the other person then you're probably not going to be compatible.

I think there's assorted general rules and contradictory advice; but you should never assume or take up the role with someone who hasn't agreed to it - that's already overstepping boundaries. It might be you babystep into roles while feeling each other out - but boundaries should definitely be in place.

[Vandalslut]

3 hours ago, KinkyKUnavailable said:

Thank you all, I really do appreciate it. From what I’m gathering from all of you, it seems to me that this guy is acting like a dom just so he can order me to send him nudes. I will bring all of this with me into any future endeavors I decide to partake in. Thank you so much!! 

There's been a fair bit of this type of 'Bull-Dom' behaviour about lately - there's a Full Super Moon in Leo tomorrow, might account for it...if he's on this site, block him.  Now. FabSeverus and the rest are right. Getting to know a Dom properly, with a view to LTR, is a worthwhile investment of your time and his and the initial meetings need to take place in a vanilla setting - cafe, restaurant etc. When you do arrange a meet, let someone trustworthy know where you're going, when and ask them to check in with a phone call at a particular time.  No worthy Dom will be offended by sensible precautions. It is a baby-step process, but worthwhile. And no worthy Dom is going to come on like an express train. Nor will he intimidate or bully you into a contract, submission, sending nude pics or anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable within 27 minutes of first contact. You've got good instincts and obviously you're very sensible. Good luck.

[Ar****]

2 minutes ago, Vandalslut said:

There's been a fair bit of this type of 'Bull-Dom' behaviour about lately

Hasn't there just?! It's quite worrying.

[Deleted Member]

I would add my thoughts but Vandalslut has already said it perfectly.

Block him.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

There's been a fair bit of this type of 'Bull-Dom' behaviour about lately - there's a Full Super Moon in Leo tomorrow, might account for it...if he's on this site, block him.  Now. FabSeverus and the rest are right. Getting to know a Dom properly, with a view to LTR, is a worthwhile investment of your time and his and the initial meetings need to take place in a vanilla setting - cafe, restaurant etc. When you do arrange a meet, let someone trustworthy know where you're going, when and ask them to check in with a phone call at a particular time.  No worthy Dom will be offended by sensible precautions. It is a baby-step process, but worthwhile. And no worthy Dom is going to come on like an express train. Nor will he intimidate or bully you into a contract, submission, sending nude pics or anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable within 27 minutes of first contact. You've got good instincts and obviously you're very sensible. Good luck.

No worthy Dom will be offended by sensible precautions.

 

 For me a decent man would insist on this,however there can be exceptions.If the ladies kink is to meet in a hotel room shall we say and get straight down to "business".Of course much chat must be first either by message but mostly on the phone.I say this from experience as I have been lucky enough to experience such a scenario and it was hot.Yes she trusted me first and all limits were pre discussed.We have become close friends since and have discussed what we did at length.She admits herself though it was risky and in her own words she is grateful it was me she met and she now sees how foolhardy it was.Its not something I would advise though although yes it was amazing.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks so much for sharing! I just joined a couple days ago and boy did I get a lot of bs mails. Now I know how to better maneuver myself on here. And thanks to all the other useful comments here too! 🥰

[co****]

It's difficult to debate "normal" when talking about kink. Kinks are defined to be non-normative. One person's red-flag is another's desired dynamic. Only worry about what you are uncomfortable with.