cu**** Posted November 10 Posted November 10 Confusing title huh? I just mean how do I talk to women in this community. I'm a neurodivergent man, and I know I can either come on strong, or be so hesitant and guarded that I convey little to no personality because I'm filtering myself so much. I'm aware I can be seen as either stand offish or worse as one of the stereotypical males that acts entitled and seemingly disrespectful with disregard for others. The truth is I get impulsive and because my brain is different this can very easily be misunderstood. That happens a lot anyway. Balance is so difficult, I know that's true for everyone but even more so for those that are neurodivergent. What's the point of this post you are probably asking yourself. Good question. A part of me just wanted to share. Another part is looking for advice when initiating and maintaining conversations. If you respond, please don't provide trite, cliched, patronizing advice. I may be different and I may be dense about some things, especially when it comes to actual follow through but I am not unintelligent.
so**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Hi! First, Welcome đ¤. Second, keep doing what you just did. Be kind. Be respectful. Be honest. Iâm more likely to block a âwant to see me cumâ message then a âhi, how are you tonight? How was your dayâ. Im neurodivergent/spicy myself. I have adhd. In this post you come across genuine and that is beyond appreciated and needed. Donât stand for rude or ill treatment. Donât lower your standards. Have fun. Best of luck.
Ba**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Fellow neurodivergent here đ I like it when im spoken to like a person who doesnât have any kinks from the start. As in âhey how are you?â , âI noticed youâre into these hobbiesâ. Just keep it simple. Build a foundation / a safe foundation. Naturally itâs fine to ask questions. But ask before just jumping into something.
Mi**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 How well I understand you! I'm a fellow neurospicy woman and constant contact with "civilians" made me try hard to seem like them. It took time and will to decide to stop filtering myself that way and simply live my real me more out loud. When necessary, I can downplay it. But here, where I really want to find someone that likes me the way I am... I am just my overwhelmed weird self. I'd advise you to mention your neurodivergency as soon as possible and then be as genuine as you can. The right person will like you for being that way, and not in spite of being that way. All my warmth your way!
mr**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Donât put to much blame on yourself if you arenât getting the responses your craving. Woman are and always will be confusing because they tend to provide a lot of misinformation. Weather they are aware of it or not. They will say things like âBe you and be confidentâ And then you go to do that and then a bunch of the woman you interact with that way will feel like you are coming on to strong or to blunt. Then youâll try the other approach of just small talk things like âhey how was your dayâ And they lose interest and call you boring. So my advice is to figure out what exactly you want. What I mean by that is, do you want a partner you can be blunt and upfront with to avoid confusion or not so much. Then just keep looking for someone that matches that description and if you run into a lot of woman that DONâT match what you want and what you need to be successful in a relationship or fwb or what ever. Donât blame yourself, you can blame those woman but I wouldnât recommend that either Iâm just saying if you have negative feelings itâs better to put them on someone you will never talk to again, as opposed to putting it on yourself. Ps I would definitely let anyone you start talking to know fairly quickly, that you need up front communication otherwise you wonât be able to give them what ever they wantâŚyour not a mind reader and woman tend to forget that about men and then blame us lol
kn**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Ok, so there is a name for it neurodivergent, Nice to know, Meanwhile I can't seem to convince anyone I am here for the same reason they are. đĄ
bl**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Itâs ok man I feel like a lot dude are having that same feeling itâs just how being a guy on dating app is unfortunately.
helpinghand_256 Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Hey, this is a great question! I'm also neurodivergent, and while I have learned to mask it to a degree I do also get a bit carried away in some negative ways. I try to respond to any profile description the woman I message has, or comment about their BDSM test. Saying early on that you are neurodivergent helps, especially if you say something but realise it could come across wrong. At the end of the day, our standard communication issues end up just being compounded by the fact that over text we can't even try and pick up on any facial or tonal cues which may be present in face-to-face conversation. So be understanding and be humane.
Tr**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Thanks for sharing. I definitely can relate to the filtering yourself out so much you loose your personality.
kn**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 I've had two prospective matches on here turn around and tell me I don't know what I want. I was well to the point brutality honest in my profile. I never was good at lying, but no one appreciates honesty anymore, đ
ki**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 You have a good profile. A few photos would help (even if not of your face). Then when you message someone they can get an idea of you from the profile. This is usually how I respond to guys. I read and check the profile before I respond. It tells me how I should proceed. I honestly don't care who writes me and what they say if they're treating me like a human and friend. As long as they don't start with "hi, how are you." Or "sit on my face," stuff. Just be yourself and talk to someone as if they're a friend, or potential friend. That's how I enjoy being approached. It's rare. It's better. . That being said, know I have heard from plenty of men who are struggling to get responses at all. Many women don't log in, don't respond. So don't worry that it's personal if you struggle. We are all learning as we go on here when we're new, and if you're authentic and seeking authentic, it can be hard to find the right connection. You're still doing good.
mr**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 See what Iâm saying lol this lady just told you that you canât say âhi how are youâ treating her like a normal person but you also canât bring up anything remotely sexual and be upfront. I would be careful taking a womanâs advice on the subject only due to the fact that they have NEVER and WILL NEVER know what itâs like to be a man in this day and age trying to talk to a woman.
gr**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Well first of all remember that most accounts here are scammers using automated responses so any humanlike conversation goes nowhere. Theyre not hard to tell just ask a direct question. Just from yesterday to today Ive had 2 accounts answer questions with the exact same phrases.
kn**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Yes I asked one in which part of town that they live in. North, South, East or West the response was Tennessee Knoxville.
lo**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Thanks for sharing. Iâm autistic myself. For me, I know thereâs things I canât change but at the same time there are things in my control that I use to my advantage. Also, itâs a shame that there are scammers out here that make it difficult for us to connect to genuine people that want the same thing that we want
gi**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Short and sweet answer is focus on listening. If you maintain a solid focus on that, it can overpower impulsive thoughts. I have a problem being around women knowing how sensitive our society has become. I was raised by women, so it's not a familiarity issue. It could be because I'm somewhat hyper sexualized but I'm also exploring my sexuality to see if that might be part of it. I've become socially awkward as I've gotten older in general.i don't have any issues in my professional life. It sucks and I'm trying to fix it too. Good luck.
50**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Between the amount of fake and inactive profiles I think you worry too much đđ
La**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Im going to answer this as a woman and give my perspective. As we know the existence of women has been heavily sexualized. Even tho weâre on a kink app; we need to know that people value us as a person first before everything else. What would help to engage and make a conversation is by looking at their profile. If they stated some informations about their interests, try to ask about that. People love to talk about themselves, especially abt things they love. If they got little to no info abt themselves, throw a witty friendly jokes. It usually works. The basic âHi how are youâ is boring asf bcs everyone do the same thing and we heard that million times. It shows that you dont put effort to be at least a little more interesting. Some ppl usually leave some status for you to read. It could contain some informations abt their concerns or thoughts. You may start a convo by giving your opinion abt that particular subjects. Composted a generally friendly, kind or thoughtful sentences would help a lot. Bcs everyone love to be seen in a loving way. You can always be gross later. Thats my take.
lo**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Based upon what Lady_King has said, is that men should approach communication on here like weâre looking or a long term relationship and leave the sexual/freaky stuff for later on? Please correct if you think Iâm wrong or disagree
La**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 43 minutes ago, london314369 said: Based upon what Lady_King has said, is that men should approach communication on here like weâre looking or a long term relationship and leave the sexual/freaky stuff for later on? Please correct if you think Iâm wrong or disagree This approach applies for everyone no matter what genders. Everybody loves to be treated kindly. And yes, it applies for both casual or ltr. Bcs for the same reason. I go for both genders so I do the same approach to everyone and expected the same.
lo**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 22 minutes ago, Lady_King said: This approach applies for everyone no matter what genders. Everybody loves to be treated kindly. And yes, it applies for both casual or ltr. Bcs for the same reason. I go for both genders so I do the same approach to everyone and expected the same. Looks like I need to make some changes to my profile
Ka**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 Honestly you said no patronising advice but it's simple, treat them as humans. We are your fellow humans. We aren't sex dolls, we have personalities, thoughts feelings, hobbies and passions. Be curious as to what *she* wants and remember its a partnership whether just for play or more - there are two in any kind of ship
jf**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 10 hours ago, southernbell82 said: Hi! First, Welcome đ¤. Second, keep doing what you just did. Be kind. Be respectful. Be honest. Iâm more likely to block a âwant to see me cumâ message then a âhi, how are you tonight? How was your dayâ. Im neurodivergent/spicy myself. I have adhd. In this post you come across genuine and that is beyond appreciated and needed. Donât stand for rude or ill treatment. Donât lower your standards. Have fun. Best of luck. Ahhh I just saw a message and got blocked, said âhi hello there⌠I just wanted to say I think youâre gorgeous, the rest of your bio isnât finished yet lol, itâs all good. but Iâm guessing youâre getting a lot of messages. I would love to hear from you.â Like ummm wtf did I do or say. Are ppl really that chicken doo doo to say NOTHING
Ka**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 1 hour ago, jfath85 said: Ahhh I just saw a message and got blocked, said âhi hello there⌠I just wanted to say I think youâre gorgeous, the rest of your bio isnât finished yet lol, itâs all good. but Iâm guessing youâre getting a lot of messages. I would love to hear from you.â Like ummm wtf did I do or say. Are ppl really that chicken doo doo to say NOTHING That's where you need to change your mindset. 1- Hi/Hello said the other 25 men who messaged me today, how exhausting. 2 - I think you're gorgeous/beautiful/sexy said the other 25 men who messaged me today. Am I really worth nothing more than my looks? What is wrong with me?! Stand out, be different. You can even BUY conversation cards if you can't think of anything for yourself but easy pickings- what did you do over the weekend? What are you passionate about? What are you hobbies. I mean, what's your favourite colour is better than a 'compliment' I get several times a day knowing he's copied and pasted that to everyone else he's messaged. Be mindful, put yourself in a woman's shoes then message appropriately.
Tr**** Posted November 11 Posted November 11 11 minutes ago, Kaserai said: That's where you need to change your mindset. 1- Hi/Hello said the other 25 men who messaged me today, how exhausting. 2 - I think you're gorgeous/beautiful/sexy said the other 25 men who messaged me today. Am I really worth nothing more than my looks? What is wrong with me?! Stand out, be different. You can even BUY conversation cards if you can't think of anything for yourself but easy pickings- what did you do over the weekend? What are you passionate about? What are you hobbies. I mean, what's your favourite colour is better than a 'compliment' I get several times a day knowing he's copied and pasted that to everyone else he's messaged. Be mindful, put yourself in a woman's shoes then message appropriately. Thanks for that. I donât feel like I stand out to anyone. So this is really helpful.
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