A question for Doms

[Thedeviljames]

Yes

[Si****]

14 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Out of interest and having just read your profile OP it appears to be written from the perspective of someone who is both single and open to multiple connections (now you may have changed it since the break up of course) - but on the assumption you've not - is it possible that perhaps there are some blurred lines at play here? Or perhaps thinking on their part that because you appear to be open to meeting others, it was ok for her to too.
.
As I've already said, without the other side of the story it's difficult to tell, so I may be surmising incorrectly (which is part of the problem with only having one side).

My profile is currently written for the intention of attracting a submissive as I am now single.
Once I'm in a dynamic I either come off sites like this, or change my profile accordingly.
I am monogamous when I'm in a dynamic or relationship. All these things are clearly discussed with a potential sub and expectations are set and are black and white.
She agreed with my expectations and then went against them which is unacceptable. Then there's the lying, saying she wasn't messaging anyone but clearly was, once lying starts, the relationship or dynamic will fail.
As a Dom I do not tolerate disobedience or lying, especially after multiple warnings.

I cannot see a valid reason for her messaging other Doms on a dating site claiming she is single.

[my****]

If I was in that position, I would have done the same. I am monogamous to a fault and if I am at that level of a relationship where I’m trying to make a life, her dating would get in the way of that.

[Si****]

30 minutes ago, SerendipitousKeeper said:

Unless the reason for remaining in said site was completely benign.

I’m only playing devils advocate, but I would remain on (for example) here whether or not I was in a relationship. I have friends I connect with on here and I’d expect anyone I formed a relationship with to understand that.

That said, I’ve had more than enough bad experiences or people claiming not to be messaging others on sites such as this to make me exceptionally wary of it happening again. The flip side being that if they were going to do it on a dating site then they could be doing it anywhere, thus deleting the dating site would be a moot point 🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree, and I did say to her I'm happy for her to remain on here if she has friends, the issue I had was the fact she remained single on here and was messaging new Doms. I said to her she should change her status to 'not single - in a D/s relationship'.
For some reason she was reluctant to.

[Se****]

34 minutes ago, SirBDSM71 said:

I agree, and I did say to her I'm happy for her to remain on here if she has friends, the issue I had was the fact she remained single on here and was messaging new Doms. I said to her she should change her status to 'not single - in a D/s relationship'.
For some reason she was reluctant to.

Too much, too soon??

Categorically not trying to be argumentative or provocative, simply looking at other angles.

That said, I agree with Gemini and Copper with regards to expectations and acting on your beliefs/feelings. 

[La****]

Yes. Its a right decision to release her.
Bcs youre no longer respected.
Letting this kind of behavior, will only affect you in a bad way in the long run.
You will start questioning yourself and your authority.
Dont worry. There would be other subs that will cherish your lead and play the dynamic like its breathing.
I might be wrong but it seems like you need to detach from her emotionally.
Good luck.

[Be****]

If she is looking for others that means she is looking for upgrade. Like majority of the women todays. So up to you if you think it is right choice then it is.

[SH****]

Ur the Man here if A chick refuses to comply and shut up about wat U demand tell her goodbye chicks out number men for every 2 men there is 8 chicks so let her go and get another

[Be****]

Shondarby : i think you need a math lesson 😅 demographics does not show such numbers😁

[SH****]

2 minutes ago, BelayaAkula said:

Shondarby : i think you need a math lesson 😅 demographics does not show such numbers😁

The numbers are factual chicks out number men dont be A dumbass right now

[Be****]

By chicks if you mean chickens 🐔 i agree 👍

[ub****]

Definitely the right decision.

[ge****]

Clearly you expected a one on one relationship that I’m not sure of? But if that wasn’t agreed in the first place ? She may not have expected the same relationship from you?
The only other thing is a lot of Doms hype themselves up so much , and she may not have been satisfied? Or getting what she truly wanted?
That’s not a dig at your skills , but pleasing one sub , doesn’t mean you’ll please them all in the same way!
And lastly , this world we live in now , where there is so little loyalty in any relationship, regardless, its a date site/fetish site , their are going to be hundreds of guys messaging her profile page 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Si****]

9 minutes ago, gentlementouch said:

Clearly you expected a one on one relationship that I’m not sure of? But if that wasn’t agreed in the first place ? She may not have expected the same relationship from you?
The only other thing is a lot of Doms hype themselves up so much , and she may not have been satisfied? Or getting what she truly wanted?
That’s not a dig at your skills , but pleasing one sub , doesn’t mean you’ll please them all in the same way!
And lastly , this world we live in now , where there is so little loyalty in any relationship, regardless, its a date site/fetish site , their are going to be hundreds of guys messaging her profile page 🤷🏻‍♂️

I get what you're saying. I think a huge problem these days is that there's too much choice for subs, like you say, they get hundreds of messages and they probably get overwhelmed, that can mean they have a hard time choosing, so they'll want to always keep their options open. It's like, "I'll choose this one for the time being, but I'll keep looking just in case" kind of thing.

[CopperKnob]

9 minutes ago, SirBDSM71 said:

I get what you're saying. I think a huge problem these days is that there's too much choice for subs, like you say, they get hundreds of messages and they probably get overwhelmed, that can mean they have a hard time choosing, so they'll want to always keep their options open. It's like, "I'll choose this one for the time being, but I'll keep looking just in case" kind of thing.

Other than the "chick's" chap above, this is the comment that irks me the most in this thread. 'Subs have so much choice they struggle with decision making and can't control themselves'. Give me a break.
That thinking is no more than deflection to the feedback within the comment you responded to and honestly if you have such little respect for those identifying as subs well maybe...
Once again, this wasn't a D/s issue, it's a generic relationship issue.

[ge****]

Just to get some perspective OP, and not trying to undermine anything, just get perspective - when did all this happen, and how long was the relationship with this submissive?
.
Reason for asking is to get some perspective as suggested and possibly give some answers - if it was a fairly new relationship where you were both finding your feet so to speak, it may give an indication that perhaps she wasn't quite as invested in it as you were, or if it were fairly recently perhaps she was clearing up loose ends on this other site.

[Si****]

25 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Other than the "chick's" chap above, this is the comment that irks me the most in this thread. 'Subs have so much choice they struggle with decision making and can't control themselves'. Give me a break.
That thinking is no more than deflection to the feedback within the comment you responded to and honestly if you have such little respect for those identifying as subs well maybe...
Once again, this wasn't a D/s issue, it's a generic relationship issue.

I don't have little respect for subs at all. It's just an observation and feedback I get from subs that they get inundated with messages. So it stands to reason that they'd find it difficult to narrow down choices. I wouldn't say they struggle with decision making, indeed so w subs are a very good judge of character etc, I'm just saying that it must be tedious filtering out all the fakes etc.

[CopperKnob]

2 minutes ago, SirBDSM71 said:

I don't have little respect for subs at all. It's just an observation and feedback I get from subs that they get inundated with messages. So it stands to reason that they'd find it difficult to narrow down choices. I wouldn't say they struggle with decision making, indeed so w subs are a very good judge of character etc, I'm just saying that it must be tedious filtering out all the fakes etc.

That's not what you said at all. Not everyone in our inbox is a Dom and we can tell. Most of us also know that we aren't looking for a Dom per se, we're looking for a relationship that develops to D/s.
Unless that is, you're approaching those that are new as opposed those that are less naive

[ey****]

19 hours ago, SirBDSM71 said:

"Did I make the right decision in releasing my submissive after discovering she was repeatedly going on a dating site, presenting herself as single, and messaging other Doms?

Probably.

I think in general there's a lot of scenarios where you need to just ignore the whole D/s thing.  If you are supposed to be in a relationship with someone and are closed, then there's no reason to have a dating profile which implies otherwise (save for it needing updating)

 

[Si****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

That's not what you said at all. Not everyone in our inbox is a Dom and we can tell. Most of us also know that we aren't looking for a Dom per se, we're looking for a relationship that develops to D/s.
Unless that is, you're approaching those that are new as opposed those that are less naive

I think you should stick to commenting on the original post. It's gone a bit off topic.
Thanks for your contribution anyway, it is appreciated.

[Deleted Member]

Yes, take the Dynamic out of the equation and its a standard monogamous relationship, someone repeatedly breaking your trust, even after you’ve talked about it is a lack of respect from their side.
Respect, trust and honest communication are paramount in a dynamic and it sounds like your ex sub, didn’t have that for you. So cut your losses

[Si****]

1 minute ago, TattooedCurvyBrat said:

Yes, take the Dynamic out of the equation and its a standard monogamous relationship, someone repeatedly breaking your trust, even after you’ve talked about it is a lack of respect from their side.
Respect, trust and honest communication are paramount in a dynamic and it sounds like your ex sub, didn’t have that for you. So cut your losses

Exactly, thank you

[KY****]

Absolutely

[mi****]

Yes

[CopperKnob]

I think some comments have hit a raw nerve and, simultaneously, the nail on the head given your previous, very recent 'woe is me, i can't find a sub' forum post , but I digress (and that's the beauty of the forums - that everyone has the ability to comment, not just Doms and not just people whose thoughts align with your own). You're very much welcome to my thoughts and scepticism.