A question for Doms

[mi****]

All relationships are based on trust. Enemies, you trust their intent to harm. Friends, their intent to do no harm. And the closer to you. The greater the trust. I do make some assumptions based only on your opening. That this was to be or has been a long term, monogamous, etc. Has she been looking for a greater commitment from you? I expect so. Back to my statement on trust. A submissive, when they commit, has ceded their very being to you. That is the core of what they are. That is a trust like no other. Have you truly committed that much too them? No slight intended, but something went wrong, obviously. If any submissive feels at all like their Dom does not have or hold I them as they need, and they have tried (fairly sure they have, but it was either ignored, overlooked or outright dismissed) to let the partner know, but the Dom has not changed, yeah, they NEED to get out. I expect she had unlocked her collar long ago, you just did not notice. Let her be. Learn. And move forward.

[Je****]

They’re all just”rented or borrowed”…seldom”owned”😉

[De****]

If someone cheats on you, break up with them. That’s in any relationship. BDSM doesn’t need to be a factor.
.
As far as “subs have too many choices” that’s is a horrid statement. As subs give up their choices to a Dominant they should absolutely have lots of choices as to who that Dominant. I’m monogamous and I get lots of DMs, it doesn’t tempt me to cheat. If someone wants to cheat they will do so whether they have 2 choices or 2 thousand.

[Mr_Dagger]

If you both agreed to monogamy when you entered into a D/s relationship then you had no choice unless a punishment would have sufficed. Did you both discuss this prior to collaring/vows/contract/agreement or whatever you used?

[in****]

She blatantly disrespected you. Her behavior was completely unacceptable and not how a sub should ever handle herself in a committed D/s dynamic. I think you should have severely punished her after the very first time you discovered her behavior. Sometimes only talking isn’t enough, especially with something of this severity that damages the trust in the dynamic. Since you decided to only speak to her about it, made it clear to her that her behavior was unacceptable to you, and she continued to disobey you, she absolutely had to be released.

[Si****]

14 hours ago, Mr_Dagger said:

If you both agreed to monogamy when you entered into a D/s relationship then you had no choice unless a punishment would have sufficed. Did you both discuss this prior to collaring/vows/contract/agreement or whatever you used?

Yes it was a mutual agreement.

[Ve****]

There’s another way to look at this. She clearly didn’t want to be monogamous with you. You tried how many times to get her to be what you wanted her to be. Why? Accepting her behavior and choices sooner rather than later might have prevented some heartache, discomfort, disappointment or whatever you’re feeling.

[Si****]

24 minutes ago, Velicious said:

There’s another way to look at this. She clearly didn’t want to be monogamous with you. You tried how many times to get her to be what you wanted her to be. Why? Accepting her behavior and choices sooner rather than later might have prevented some heartache, discomfort, disappointment or whatever you’re feeling.

That's the point, agreements were made and she went against them. She clearly stated she wasn't poly and wanted monogamous.
I just think I was a stop gap until something better came along.

[Ve****]

12 minutes ago, SirBDSM71 said:

That's the point, agreements were made and she went against them. She clearly stated she wasn't poly and wanted monogamous.
I just think I was a stop gap until something better came along.

Oof. That hurts. But, why did you take so long to end it? Was it low self value, believing you deserved to be betrayed……?

[Be****]

33 minutes ago, SirBDSM71 said:

That's the point, agreements were made and she went against them. She clearly stated she wasn't poly and wanted monogamous.
I just think I was a stop gap until something better came along.

Unfortunately, that happens. Some people, while they are looking for upgrade they may fill in the blanks and won't care how they affect others as long as they get what they want.

[Ve****]

2 minutes ago, BelayaAkula said:

Unfortunately, that happens. Some people, while they are looking for upgrade they may fill in the blanks and won't care how they affect others as long as they get what they want.

True. Might even argue that was was topping.

[Si****]

26 minutes ago, Velicious said:

Oof. That hurts. But, why did you take so long to end it? Was it low self value, believing you deserved to be betrayed……?

I simply liked her a lot, and I was stupid.

[Ve****]

2 minutes ago, SirBDSM71 said:

I simply liked her a lot, and I was stupid.

I know that feeling. Sometimes we need to learn lessons. Don’t be hard on yourself. Now you can choose with more wisdom and get a better connection.

[Be****]

4 minutes ago, SirBDSM71 said:

I simply liked her a lot, and I was stupid.

I do not think that you were stupid. You just simply liked her . How ever Unfortunately it seems you two were not suitable for each other . That's unfortunately a part of life. To find what a person is looking for might take longer than expected.

[CuffLady]

Breach of trust. You did right by ending it. She can't have her cake and eat it too.

[SF****]

Personally the dominant roll ends for me as soon as we stop playing. Its only roll play for me. If i had a play thing that enjoyed playing and there was no commitment, i would call her back and apolagise. I know their are differant levels to this, but obviously she wasnt down with being property when playtime was over, despite what she might have said while playing.

OMG, If i was held to the shit i said during playtime... fuck no!.. lol

It is what it is Bro. It sucks to catch feeling for the ones dont throw the ball back. Maybe you did do the right thing.
Peace