Inability to orgasm/ orgasm Shame

[Deleted Member]

Does anyone have any tips or links on overcoming a real struggle to orgasm?

I am a complete hypocrite. I know orgasms are totally natural etc but at the forefront of my brain I am absolutely terrified of having one. Terrified of being too loud or moaning in a stupid way or making some mess. My brain literally tells me that I will be disgusting and i just cannot bring myself to.

And at the same time I do not feel good enough to see someone that i have been recently-i see evidence of his other partners orgasms e.g. scratches on his back from and I just dont feel good enough.

I just dont get it at all. So tired of not feeling good enough.

TYIA xx

[DeviantInside]

Yes I do. You have created a pattern match of this being an issue. The brain does this it’s normal. The same as any phobia or anxiety. There is a solution or ways forward. The brain can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality. The more you imagine this being a normal thing the more you create a pattern match that says this is normal.. ok this is glob and trite so feel free to talk to me (I’m a qualified hypnotherapist)… but also just look up for yourself without that.

[Ma****]

Aww poor babyyy 😖 can i help

[Ne****]

Orgasming by yourself, for yourself is a piece of the healing/step toward your goal, as well as accepting pleasure and the fact that ‘even you’ deserve it. You’re a human being and that makes you “good enough” …. Replacing the thoughts and associated actions with different/positive/sexually fulfilling/goal-obtaining ones, while daunting, will eventually be liberating.
So much more to be said and suggested but YOU are the lock and the key in this situation.

Good Luck * 💖

[DeviantInside]

  11 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

Orgasming by yourself, for yourself is a piece of the healing/step toward your goal, as well as accepting pleasure and the fact that ‘even you’ deserve it. You’re a human being and that makes you “good enough” …. Replacing the thoughts and associated actions with different/positive/sexually fulfilling/goal-obtaining ones, while daunting, will eventually be liberating.
So much more to be said and suggested but YOU are the lock and the key in this situation.

Good Luck * 💖

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This is a good step

[Sp****]

Much like a man’s erectile disfunction caused by mental block (overthinking)
A woman who thinks too much about her “inability” to orgasm will find it much harder to relax to the extent required to stop thinking and orgasm. if you find yourself thinking OMG OMG OMG I can’t do this.
Try to retrain your brain by things that make you smile when you think of them.
In time you will find it easier to relax and in turn. Orgasm

[Deleted Member]

None of these are helpful. Telling someone to get out of their head to orgasm will only make them think about it more. Take time with one person...turn them on and you in return. Give one personal multiple attempts with you. Morning sex/jerking off always makes me cum.

[Sp****]

Try this once a day for at least 28 days.
Its a great place to start.

https://youtu.be/2G5vt4n-Bpw?si=mv68NuxOT5nyTvkU

[ohmamiplz]

to be honest you aren’t going to find anything useful here but a real life medical sex therapist is your best choice. As we dont know your other history or upbrinings. but if you need someone to listen to you reach out anytime OP

[Ra****]

You need the help of a therapist. Good luck!🙌🏻

[wh****]

Easy, find the guy that actually knows where and what to do

[Deleted Member]

I agree with @ohmamiplz.
You need to determine the root cause(s) of your difficulty and we aren't qualified to diagnose that. We could have ideas but without a heck of a lot more information that you should not share here as that is more personal than, in my opinion, this site is for, we could potentially lead you down the wrong path, making it even more damaging to you.

[Deleted Member]

We do sympathize and feel for you. It's not that we wouldn't help you if we could.

[TX****]

First of all relax, clear, your mind and be by yourself. No pressure. You can moan, sigh, be as loud or soft as you want. The mess….. Amazon has king size sex blankets. Afterward, throw it in the washer/dryer and your bed is just as it was! Love yourself. You are not disgusting. Anyone that thinks you are doesn’t deserve to experience your orgasm! Light a candle, put on your favorite music or relish the silence. Whatever your heart desires. Touch yourself. Do some reading. Listen to some podcasts There’s some great ones by therapists. Learn what makes you tick! Graduate to a quality vibrator and remember, you are special to the most important person there is! YOURSELF!

[De****]

If you weren't across the pond I'd gladly offer my expertise. You could get as messy as you need to get, Love. I won't miss a lick!

[In****]

One of the first things you can do, as you are looking for a therapist, is to try and refrain the way you react to the idea of an orgasm. You'll need to bring that voice out, the one that tells you you can't or shouldn't, and you are going to berate that voice right back. Everything it throws at you, you throw right back at it. And so on and so forth every time you hear that voice, you make sure your own voice is louder. Trying to make an orgasm happen right now may not happen, but you sure do deserve to give that little magpie in your head the business. 😉 I think you might find a lot more peace from that than you realize.

[Crocus]

  5 hours ago, Fghjk said:

Does anyone have any tips or links on overcoming a real struggle to orgasm?

I am a complete hypocrite. I know orgasms are totally natural etc but at the forefront of my brain I am absolutely terrified of having one. Terrified of being too loud or moaning in a stupid way or making some mess. My brain literally tells me that I will be disgusting and i just cannot bring myself to.

And at the same time I do not feel good enough to see someone that i have been recently-i see evidence of his other partners orgasms e.g. scratches on his back from and I just dont feel good enough.

I just dont get it at all. So tired of not feeling good enough.

TYIA xx

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[Crocus]

I think you need to tackle this from two fronts. Firstly, you need to work on your self esteem. If you can afford counselling, brilliant. If not, look for a local group that focuses on body positivity. The belly dance and burlesque scenes are brilliant for this. Work on building yourself up, and have some fun. The second is tackling anxiety. Stress is cumulative. You can reduce the fight or flight hormones in your body in a number of ways. In your case, my advice would be to ditch the man that is keeping you down. He is doing you no goid at all. Try yoga and breathing exercises. Have long hot baths and pamper yourself. Touch yourself in a sensual manner without focusing on orgasm as a goal to be reached. It's not the be all and end all... Just being turned on and present in your body is fabulous. Those endorphins will help to raise your mood and make you  feel safe in your own skin. Don't fight your body, work with it and take care of it. Finally, have a huge squishy virtual hug from me. x 

[Ay****]

I don't have any advice. I had a Similar problem with Release my entire life n still sometimes do just know that when you finally do get it it's Fkning Amazing 🤩
So Good Luck 🤞🏾

[wh****]

If anyone needs help let me know

[ma****]

You need to let yourself be free. Let the emotion and feeling take over you. Only then will enjoy and experience an orgasm.
Also, you need to learn to be proud of yourself, your self esteem. Stand infront of a mirror and talk to yourself about what you like about yourself everyday.

[ta****]

So as simple as it sounds, it sounds like you need to relax, maybe spend time by yourself practicing, and make sure you trust your partner

[di****]

Had a *** victim required surgery for repair she slept in our bed for six months watching her bff have multiple orgasms we talked about subspace her bff. We had fucked before her raoe and surgery finally she was ready

[sl****]

Have you tried face sitting? ❤️
Getting licked first thing in the morning ❤️❤️

[yo****]

Something that may help you is a partner who is slow, reassuring and talks you through it. I agree practicing on your own might help but sometimes someone who offers up meaningful encouragement goes a long long way