Popular Post Ma**** Posted November 30 Popular Post Posted November 30 When I first stepped into the world of BDSM, I thought I understood what it meant to be a Dominant. Power, control, authority—it all seemed so straightforward. But over the years, I’ve learned that true domination is far more nuanced, and infinitely more rewarding, than the surface might suggest. Being a Dominant isn’t about demanding obedience or asserting power for the sake of it. It’s about creating a connection so profound that another person willingly and joyfully surrenders their trust to you. That’s not something you take; it’s something you earn. And earning it requires integrity, responsibility, and an unyielding commitment to their well-being. Today, I want to share what I’ve learned about what it means to be an ethical Dominant. Whether you’re new to this world or have walked this path for years, these truths are the foundation of everything I do. Consent Is the Foundation of All Power Let me be clear: there is no domination without consent. It’s not a checkbox or a one-time conversation. Consent is a living, breathing dialogue that evolves as the dynamic does. Before any scene, I ensure there’s clarity—what’s desired, what’s off-limits, and what’s uncertain. I listen as much as I speak. I don’t just ask for limits; I want to understand the emotions behind them. This is how trust is built, and trust is the cornerstone of everything we do. When I sense hesitation, I stop. When something feels unclear, I dig deeper. As a Dominant, it’s my duty to create an environment where my submissive feels safe enough to say “no,” “stop,” or even “I’m unsure.” That’s not weakness; it’s strength. And it’s my job to honor it. Power Requires Purpose Here’s a secret: the best Dominants aren’t power-hungry. They’re purposeful. Every command I give, every rule I en***, and every scene I lead serves a deeper intention. My goal is never to control for the sake of control but to guide, uplift, and sometimes challenge. Ask yourself: Why am I doing this? If the answer doesn’t align with the growth, pleasure, or fulfillment of the person who’s entrusted you with their submission, then it’s time to step back. Dominance without purpose is hollow. Vulnerability Is Strength You might not expect to hear this from a Dominant, but vulnerability is one of our greatest tools. Showing your humanity—your patience, your empathy, and yes, even your mistakes—creates a connection that’s real. There have been moments when I’ve misread a signal or realized mid-scene that something wasn’t working. In those moments, I don’t power through. I pause. I communicate. I adapt. And you know what? That doesn’t weaken the bond—it strengthens it. It shows that I value my partner’s experience above my ego. Growth Is a Two-Way Street One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is that while I guide others, I am also transformed by the dynamic. Being a Dominant isn’t about being “above” anyone. it’s about walking a path together. Every submissive I’ve worked with has taught me something new about myself—about patience, creativity, or the beauty of surrender. To be a great Dominant, you must remain humble enough to keep learning. Why It Matters The world of BDSM can be a powerful space for healing, exploration, and transformation. But it’s also a space that requires great care. As Dominants, we have the privilege and responsibility of shaping someone else’s experience. That’s not something to take lightly. When you lead with ethics, respect, and purpose, you create a dynamic where submission becomes a gift, not a duty nor a demand to be fulfilled, but a gift freely given. And there’s no greater honor than to be entrusted with that gift. So, to anyone reading this—whether you’re just starting or have years of experience—remember this: the mark of a true Dominant isn’t in how much control you wield but in how deeply you care for the one who gives it to you. Share your ideas and experiences on this topic; it's a topic dear to my heart and I would love to exchange thoughts and experiences with you. With respect and purpose, Master Eli
Ra**** Posted December 1 Posted December 1 What a great take. This is so important. I'm glad I stopped to read it all.
No**** Posted December 1 Posted December 1 I’m pleased to say this is how my Dom thinks and treats me
Bu**** Posted December 1 Posted December 1 Wish I could repost like you can on Facebook. It means a lot to me too. Ive seen the wrong way to use it. My partner didn't know anything about BDSM. But to make myself feel better about the things that were happening out of my control I.... I...... Pretended that it was just the way it was suposed to be. By putting it in the context of bdsm when it never belong there in the first place.
Bu**** Posted December 1 Posted December 1 Since then (not very long ago-May 2022-Nov 2023) I left for good on my birthday no less. Anyways, since then I've come to realize I like being allowed to give myself away. More specifically in the ways that I'm comfortable with and not have to venture into that which I'm not comfortable with. To not be ***r pressured, or made happen by *** or souly from the will of the other person. And thats why it means so much to me. Because it gives me permission and even urges me to decide what I'm comfortable, make it clear, and stand firm/not back down. It allows me to walk in that. The knowledge and truth that I always have a choice. And that choice should never have been taken away from me. Or anyone else for that matter. But *** happens and trauma isn't exactly uncommon. But I'm glad this dynamic can give my power back to me and show me that I do matter and that my wants, that which is undesired, and my safety are all important and always needed to be respected.
Bu**** Posted December 1 Posted December 1 1 minute ago, BuffaloGirl10172128 said: Since then (not very long ago-May 2022-Nov 2023) I left for good on my birthday no less. Anyways, since then I've come to realize I like being allowed to give myself away. More specifically in the ways that I'm comfortable with and not have to venture into that which I'm not comfortable with. To not be ***r pressured, or made happen by *** or souly from the will of the other person. And thats why it means so much to me. Because it gives me permission and even urges me to decide what I'm comfortable, make it clear, and stand firm/not back down. It allows me to walk in that. The knowledge and truth that I always have a choice. And that choice should never have been taken away from me. Or anyone else for that matter. But *** happens and trauma isn't exactly uncommon. But I'm glad this dynamic can give my power back to me and show me that I do matter and that my wants, that which is undesired, and my safety are all important and always needed to be respected. The 2 words that were taken out: ***r ***
ReKinkster Posted December 1 Posted December 1 I couldn’t have chosen any better words. I identify with the above so much and if there was a ‘one page’ manual, your writing would be it.
Ma**** Posted December 1 Author Posted December 1 Thank you everyone. I'm pleased to know that my directive in improving the Dom mentality is finding favor.
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