Frustration as a dom-leaning switch...

December 10, 2024

Can anyone empathize with the mental struggles of trying to balance exploration of a typically submissive kink but the dom in yourself won't let you?? e.g. stocking/foot worship.

December 11, 2024

The eternal struggle. For me, acknowledgement, but not indulgent, works. To pretend it's not there would be dishonest. All men and women have shadows of the opposite sex within themselves. I take the position that indulging that urge steals energy from the masculine.

However, the caveat: if it's something that can be selfishly indulged, not in a submissive or subservient way, then you retain you masculinity because you are indulging what YOU want without exchanging anything for it.

December 11, 2024

I find it's all in the way I look at things. Sometimes I turn pleasure into *** and I also will look at myself as a Maestro using the tools at my disposal to elicit a symphony of sounds from my submissive, including those of pleasure.

December 11, 2024

My outlooking advice might be useless here but I would only consider what it is you enjoy about being a Dom and what it's going to feel like to relinquish that power to somebody who may or may not take advantage of that power and as a submissive you will do as home so I I just can't wrap my mind around that to be honest

December 11, 2024

40 minutes ago, Mehari said:

I find it's all in the way I look at things. Sometimes I turn pleasure into *** and I also will look at myself as a Maestro using the tools at my disposal to elicit a symphony of sounds from my submissive, including those of pleasure.

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I like how you worded that...symphony of sounds, pleasure and ***

December 11, 2024

Outlook and advice

December 11, 2024

Just now, Mytunghurts said:

My outlooking advice might be useless here but I would only consider what it is you enjoy about being a Dom and what it's going to feel like to relinquish that power to somebody who may or may not take advantage of that power and as a submissive you will do as home so I I just can't wrap my mind around that to be honest

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That's a good point. If you feel like you are submitting, then you are.

December 11, 2024

3 hours ago, Mehari said:

I find it's all in the way I look at things. Sometimes I turn pleasure into *** and I also will look at myself as a Maestro using the tools at my disposal to elicit a symphony of sounds from my submissive, including those of pleasure.
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I hadn't considered the possibility of "framing the thoughts/feelings" in a different way... aaaannnddd also ScalpelPrecision's take on selfishly indulgence in the thing can change the perception of the act/behavior... going to have to change my thought process and do some serious exploration and processing... I feel like this could open up another level of kink for me! Thank you all for sharing

December 11, 2024

A lot is in how we frame things

Firstly, if you compartmentalise things into being "Dominant" and "submissive" then there's bits you automatically exclude yourself from, even if it's something you want to enjoy

The second is... any deemed submissive act can be a Dominant act (and, arguably, vice versa)

Like, I dunno - how do you like feet? Clean? Sweaty? Dirty? In stockings all day? Give subs tasks around this to prepare for how you would like to enjoy them later.

December 12, 2024

Thank you for giving voice to a disconnect in my head that I haven't been able to find the words to describe! Yes... I know exactly what you mean.

March 11

Actions and acts aren't inherently dominant or submissive, they're neutral.

Dominance and submission is about the energy and who holds the control and authority in a relationship or dynamic, not what activities you engage in or who does what to whom.

For instance... a submissive could bathe me as an act of service and worship *or* I could bathe them as a part of ownership and taking care of something that belongs to me that I value.

On 12/10/2024 at 9:02 PM, ScalpelPrecision said:

The eternal struggle. For me, acknowledgement, but not indulgent, works. To pretend it's not there would be dishonest. All men and women have shadows of the opposite sex within themselves. I take the position that indulging that urge steals energy from the masculine.

However, the caveat: if it's something that can be selfishly indulged, not in a submissive or subservient way, then you retain you masculinity because you are indulging what YOU want without exchanging anything for it.

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If one's personal sense of "masculinity" is so fragile that a specific act would make them feel that their "masculine energy" is being "stolen" then they might have some unpacking and inner work to do.

March 12

14 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

Actions and acts aren't inherently dominant or submissive, they're neutral.

Dominance and submission is about the energy and who holds the control and authority in a relationship or dynamic, not what activities you engage in or who does what to whom.

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Yes, great example! It makes me think about all those subs who subdue and whip their doms, but it's totally a submissive act on their part because the dom still holds the "control and authority". /s

Your "scare quotes" and passive-aggressive ad hominem statements don't refute anything I've written, nevermind that you've misinterpreted its meaning in the first place.

How about posting something insightful? This isn't Twitter/X.

March 12

2 hours ago, ScalpelPrecision said:

It makes me think about all those subs who subdue and whip their doms, but it's totally a submissive act on their part because the dom still holds the "control and authority". /s

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I see your attempt at sarcasm and all it shows is your lack of understanding and awareness. This is absolutely a thing that can and does happen. Dominants can also be masochists. Dominants can be and often are also vers or bottoms. A Dominant being into sensation and who enjoys being topped for certain things doesn't have any affect on the D/s part of the equation.

March 13

14 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

I see your attempt at sarcasm and all it shows is your lack of understanding and awareness. This is absolutely a thing that can and does happen. Dominants can also be masochists. Dominants can be and often are also vers or bottoms. A Dominant being into sensation and who enjoys being topped for certain things doesn't have any affect on the D/s part of the equation.

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See, now this is insightful. And I agree with you, they can be all those things. That doesn't diminish what I originally wrote, however.

March 18

I can certainly relate to this. It's awkward, as a Dominant, to take a submissive role at times. I find that it's easier for me when it comes to certain people, like men who are taller and more muscular than myself, I find that I become naturally submissive to them. Whereas with women, it's more difficult because I have always been the Dominant one in the dynamic. But it's something I've begun to explore and learned that it's easier to do when I've been blindfolded and retrained using cuffs or being tied in certain ways.