Intimacy

[Fo****]

Does your experience in the LS promote or objectify intimacy?

I am LS-adjacent and have been for many years. I have had relationships where my partner and I shared a private dynamic (although not in the traditional D/s sense) and others that were pure improvisation (the more common/civilian model.) In all cases in my relationship life, I am focused on authentic connection and am fortunate to have shared with my partners as I have.

That said, I have been in situationships (as well as observed in the world around me) where I felt a definite shift in sexual expression, as though we (yes, me too) were doing it AT each other rather than WITH each other. This can apply to the first time getting naked or an ongoing thing.

I personally prefer to feel the flow WITH my partners. That is my preference and I don’t judge others for doing it differently, it’s simply what does it for me.

How about you? Does your Dom/Domme evaluate your needs and then reach into the pleasure chest in order to find the right tool for the job or do they break out the riding crop (for example) because it’s their favorite? As the D, which method do you employ?

Let’s discuss!

[ca****]

Interesting

[fe****]

Discussing the possibilities is sacrosanct in a d/s dynamic in my opinion. In fact for me personally it is a huge part of the play. I need the expression of play to feel like my input has been observed for every part of it. For example I need to choose every toy, every name or phrase and the depth of play at any given moment. In part this is to establish safety, but it is also because a huge component of the kink for me is the way things feel, taste, smell, look etc. Preferences are a huge component for me. I can’t use items that have been used by previous partners and have even purchased new beds and frames for play with someone new. Being a submissive partner doesn’t mean giving up influence over what happens in a scene, in fact you become the center of the story and the action within it. As a sub I can turn off my brain and allow my partner to take control once these parameters are established, but only then.

[ca****]

Amazing

[Fo****]

@femmekat: I agree totally.

Personally, I do not use people for sex. Rather, I use sex as a medi to cultivate closeness and intimacy through listening.

[Fo****]

*medium

[Sc****]

Both. I know that sounds like a cop-out answer. I don't want to type out a long psychological treatise, but what it boils down to is that while you can achieve levels of honesty and intimacy rarely found otherwise, that the LS can present barriers to achieving, mmm..unfettered intimacy.

It's logical on its face. The fetishes and kinks of the LS act as surrogates or proxies for one thing or another. In this sense, it's a barrier to connecting to the other person fully. Is this a problem? Well, only the individual can answer that. And, it does depend on the degree of the surrogate that we're talking about.

I'm expecting controversy from this post. Don't let me down :D

[fe****]

The key that most d/s dynamic relationships require is respect for one another’s boundaries, established tastes, and values. Honestly communication is one of the sexiest things about kink. So many men miss this mark and end up alienating their potential partners. Consent is by its nature informing the dominance. It’s essential. I can’t offer you my consent if you don’t know what I’m consenting to…

[Fo****]

1 hour ago, ScalpelPrecision said:

Both. I know that sounds like a cop-out answer. I don't want to type out a long psychological treatise, but what it boils down to is that while you can achieve levels of honesty and intimacy rarely found otherwise, that the LS can present barriers to achieving, mmm..unfettered intimacy.

It's logical on its face. The fetishes and kinks of the LS act as surrogates or proxies for one thing or another. In this sense, it's a barrier to connecting to the other person fully. Is this a problem? Well, only the individual can answer that. And, it does depend on the degree of the surrogate that we're talking about.

I'm expecting controversy from this post. Don't let me down :D

I agree with you, in principle.

Any framework, no matter how healthy, has finite borders and is best used as a beginning.

imho 😉

[Fo****]

49 minutes ago, femmekat said:

The key that most d/s dynamic relationships require is respect for one another’s boundaries, established tastes, and values. Honestly communication is one of the sexiest things about kink. So many men miss this mark and end up alienating their potential partners. Consent is by its nature informing the dominance. It’s essential. I can’t offer you my consent if you don’t know what I’m consenting to…

Bingo 🎯

[fe****]

Do you think some people are hiding behind kink so they don’t need to have real connections? I’ve definitely experienced this.

[Fo****]

34 minutes ago, femmekat said:

Do you think some people are hiding behind kink so they don’t need to have real connections? I’ve definitely experienced this.

Absolutely. Conventionality is a common tool for people to find their individual identity by relating to a group standard. Cultivation of the independent self/mind can be very risky…remember Socrates?

That said, whatever a person chooses is 100% fine as long as they understand their choice.

That said, a Picasso can create a masterpiece with crayons so it’s all about how we cultivate ourselves within the given framework as a starting point.

[Sw****]

I always do a check with my sub/s to make sure she is pleased with how she is being dominated. The problem is when they are afraid to admit they are not pleased. With being an empath too I'm already aware but I still ask for conversational purposes and to let them know they can freely tell me kuz I have no ego. I do punish them tho for not telling me but not physically. I restrain them and give less cuddles and affection when they can't use their words as I desire as a Dom/Brat Tamer

[adrenalina75]

What is LS? Am I being dumb?

[adrenalina75]

Lifestyle!!! Duh 😂

[Fo****]

5 minutes ago, adrenalina75 said:

Lifestyle!!! Duh 😂

🤓😂

[Sc****]

1 hour ago, femmekat said:

Do you think some people are hiding behind kink so they don’t need to have real connections? I’ve definitely experienced this.

Legitimate fetishes & kinks, yes.

It's not that they are preventing real connections, it's about the depth of the connection. Think back to when you had your first crush, or observed a friend having theirs. Maybe it was pop star, athlete, person from school, etc. That crush becomes an obsession, all-consuming. To the point that your *** heats up thinking about them, and you'd do anything for their attention, and so on.

Was your experience real? Absolutely. You felt the physiology of love/lust. Did you love that person down to the core of your being? Possibly. Was it a real connection, sustainable over time? Not at all.

Intimacy is layered like an onion. It keeps going. You think it's as deep as you can get, then you find out that was an illusion and it gets deeper. I'm sure we've all already experienced that.

Well, it keeps going far deeper than we realize, me included. I know that my interests present certain barriers to intimacy. But it's not a binary problem of intimacy or no intimacy. If I'm at a 3/10 on intimacy, and I'm enjoying the connection, then hell yeah I want to go further. Is anyone going to get to that 10 doing LS shit. Maybe? It depends on the degree of its involvement in your psyche. Do you have to have X kink/fetish in order to really get off. If yes, then you know it's probably pretty deep in there.

I'm not saying we all give up kinky things and we'll achieve magical unbounded intimacy. I'm saying be mindful and pay attention to your thoughts and behavior if you think something is getting in the way.

[Sw****]

Oh in other words to me it promotes intimacy...for me atleast. Intimacy is an art and so are kinks. Sorry I didn't answer the first time. Conversation is a part of intimacy and it is also an art.