To all the goddess/mistress types

[as****]

How do you choose a sub? There seems to be so much more sub supply than demand.

[WaterDude]

It is very difficult, most re less than subs and so ***y vanilla!

[Mi****]

From my personal experience , online is not the place to find a female dom, they are mostly (not all) but mostly only after financial reward. If you really want to meet one go to a local meet in your area.

[Th****]

Everyone is different; but for myself the number one thing is that they are local. I don't do online or LDR.

Next, they have to treat me like a person and not a fetish dispenser. No I don't want to know what you are into. All that matters is that you are okay with what I'm into. This is about my pleasure. Not yours. There are far too many men that identify as submissive but they are really a bottom. A bottom doesn't (usually) want to give their control away. 

That's the easy basics that far too many male subs fail to pass.

Edited December 30, 2024 by TheMacabreBrat
Typo

[Sa****]

A guy I liked a lot tuned me into his dom and I love it but honestly only for him does it turn me on! He is super masculine and an alpha male in real life. I love having him worship me!!!

[Sa****]

I get asked by soooooo many subs to dom them. I feel bad there is such a lack of supply

[Da****]

The simple answer:

Quality over Quantity. Just because there are lots of subs doesn't mean they are good subs.

Extended answer:

Many men are not submissive, but purely masochistic- whether they are aware of it or not. They treat online exchanges like transactions and like Dommes are vending machines for sexting, nudes, and punishment. All the while, never asking or seemingly considering what it is that pleases their Dominant. There is no difference between them and an average, useless, misogynistic, vanilla man who uses women's bodies for their gratification.

A true sub has the desires and pleasure of their dominant at the forefront of their priorities. Honestly? How do we choose? By spending our time finding needles in haystacks of disappointment and wasted time.

It's also worth noting that I get messages from "Dominant" men begging me to top them nearly as often as I get messages from subs. So now imagine my inbox of sub-mail and double it.

Us Dominas are putting in a LOT of work and time behind the scenes to vet you all just for you to disappoint us, and or put us in unpleasant situations.

Allow me to remind you all that even though we may be Dominant in ourselves and the bedroom, every single time we meet with a male stranger on the internet it is a potential RISK for us.

I think the better question is why the quality of male submissives is so low that stunning Dommes, Mistresses, Goddesses, and Dominas like me are struggling to find safe sane, and consensual partners when submissives do outnumber us.

[Da****]

28 minutes ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

Everyone is different; but for myself the number one thing is that they are local. I don't do online or LDR.

Next, they have to treat me like a person and not a fetish dispenser. No I don't want to know what you are into. All that matters is that you are okay with what I'm into. This is about my pleasure. Not yours. There are far too many men that identify as submissive but they are really a bottom. A bottom doesn't (usually) want to give their control away. 

That's the easy basics that far too many male subs fail to pass.

This exactly!

[AkkyKor]

[La****]

Someone who actually respect and care about me as a person along with what Im interested in.
Someone you can build genuine connection with.
There are no too many subs. Its just full of horndogs who think they are subs but actually just want to bottom. They dont give a fuck about pleasing but for themselves to be pleased.
Its messed up for the doms who actually want a serious relationship like me too honestly.

[Du****]

39 minutes ago, DaddyDomina said:

The simple answer:

Quality over Quantity. Just because there are lots of subs doesn't mean they are good subs.

Extended answer:

Many men are not submissive, but purely masochistic- whether they are aware of it or not. They treat online exchanges like transactions and like Dommes are vending machines for sexting, nudes, and punishment. All the while, never asking or seemingly considering what it is that pleases their Dominant. There is no difference between them and an average, useless, misogynistic, vanilla man who uses women's bodies for their gratification.

A true sub has the desires and pleasure of their dominant at the forefront of their priorities. Honestly? How do we choose? By spending our time finding needles in haystacks of disappointment and wasted time.

It's also worth noting that I get messages from "Dominant" men begging me to top them nearly as often as I get messages from subs. So now imagine my inbox of sub-mail and double it.

Us Dominas are putting in a LOT of work and time behind the scenes to vet you all just for you to disappoint us, and or put us in unpleasant situations.

Allow me to remind you all that even though we may be Dominant in ourselves and the bedroom, every single time we meet with a male stranger on the internet it is a potential RISK for us.

I think the better question is why the quality of male submissives is so low that stunning Dommes, Mistresses, Goddesses, and Dominas like me are struggling to find safe sane, and consensual partners when submissives do outnumber us.

This is perfectly expressed. I reject every approach from men whose first message proves they haven’t read my profile - and it’s always those who are more interested in what I can provide for their gratification, than in demonstrating what they’re bringing to the table. You’re right, they are not truly submissive at all.

[as****]

I’m surprised it’s that rare for a man to truly want to worship a woman. This seems obvious to me.

[La****]

54 minutes ago, DaddyDomina said:

The simple answer:

Quality over Quantity. Just because there are lots of subs doesn't mean they are good subs.

Extended answer:

Many men are not submissive, but purely masochistic- whether they are aware of it or not. They treat online exchanges like transactions and like Dommes are vending machines for sexting, nudes, and punishment. All the while, never asking or seemingly considering what it is that pleases their Dominant. There is no difference between them and an average, useless, misogynistic, vanilla man who uses women's bodies for their gratification.

A true sub has the desires and pleasure of their dominant at the forefront of their priorities. Honestly? How do we choose? By spending our time finding needles in haystacks of disappointment and wasted time.

It's also worth noting that I get messages from "Dominant" men begging me to top them nearly as often as I get messages from subs. So now imagine my inbox of sub-mail and double it.

Us Dominas are putting in a LOT of work and time behind the scenes to vet you all just for you to disappoint us, and or put us in unpleasant situations.

Allow me to remind you all that even though we may be Dominant in ourselves and the bedroom, every single time we meet with a male stranger on the internet it is a potential RISK for us.

I think the better question is why the quality of male submissives is so low that stunning Dommes, Mistresses, Goddesses, and Dominas like me are struggling to find safe sane, and consensual partners when submissives do outnumber us.

My god well said.

[Da****]

32 minutes ago, astoria181736 said:

I’m surprised it’s that rare for a man to truly want to worship a woman. This seems obvious to me.

This really suprises you? They're men.

[as****]

12 minutes ago, DaddyDomina said:

This really suprises you? They're men.

But a woman should expect worship

[Th****]

1 minute ago, astoria181736 said:

But a woman should expect worship

Don't forget that a majority of the time humans have been on this Earth, men ruled (depending on the society). 

A majority of men still think that all women should submit and that women in positions of power are why everything is so messed up right now.

Even many men claiming to be submissive, aren't actually submissive and can't understand how to follow even basic orders like being told no and to stop.

[as****]

3 minutes ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

Don't forget that a majority of the time humans have been on this Earth, men ruled (depending on the society). 

A majority of men still think that all women should submit and that women in positions of power are why everything is so messed up right now.

Even many men claiming to be submissive, aren't actually submissive and can't understand how to follow even basic orders like being told no and to stop.

I guess this is what I find so surprising. What I want most is for a powerful woman to tell me exactly what she wants. Being told no is hot.

[as****]

I do appreciate all this convo btw. I’m new here. Figuring it out.

[Da****]

1 hour ago, astoria181736 said:

But a woman should expect worship

Expecting worship creates worship? It doesn't work that way. Women should be able to expect life without misogyny, without a reason to *** being ***ed. But we don't have that, do we?

Women and femmes deserve and expect a LOT of things. But that has never gotten in the way of, or been an obstacle to a man, whatever label he might take on.
The majority of subs I've talked to still have misogynistic/misogynoir beliefs and ideas but they don't seem to realize that all of that translates to the bedroom.

They may want to worship our *bodies* or our *energy* because they get pleasure from that and it allows them to experience what the patriarchy deems "emasculating" 🙄 which isn't even a thing. There is no feminine equivalent.

But do they even know what it is to submit to -Women- as a whole?
It means breaking down your ingrained misogyny. Your toxic masculinity and everything the Patriarchy gave and taught you.

Most men are not even aware that they need to do this work, or they are not willing to make changes to their perspective, values, and personal belief systems.

Why? Because it would affect their life outside of the bedroom too.
Why? Because they would have to willingly look at the stark devaluation of womanhood, admit complicity, repent, and then make actual Life Changes.

Changes that would require letting go of the privileges and perks that come with being a man in the patriarchy.

All that? That requires work. It requires sitting down and shutting up. And it doesn't happen overnight. It's no shock that men would rather just keep their respect and submission to women/femmes in the bedroom.

Which one is easier and provides instant gratification? Pledging yourself to dismantle the patriarchy within yourself and your life, or just calling yourself a submissive online?

[Da****]

1 hour ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

Don't forget that a majority of the time humans have been on this Earth, men ruled (depending on the society). 

A majority of men still think that all women should submit and that women in positions of power are why everything is so messed up right now.

Even many men claiming to be submissive, aren't actually submissive and can't understand how to follow even basic orders like being told no and to stop.

This^^^
That last line especially. Do not forget that just because they are in a submissive role does *not* mean that they are unable to cross boundaries or enact *** on us.

[Da****]

4 hours ago, Mike_Derby said:

From my personal experience , online is not the place to find a female dom, they are mostly (not all) but mostly only after financial reward. If you really want to meet one go to a local meet in your area.

This is an exaggerated, misogynistic take that I keep seeing on here and frankly, I'm tired of it.
•
Especially when our equivalent is that most, (not all) D̶o̶m̶i̶n̶a̶n̶t̶ men are just after a physical and sexual reward (that they often take without permission).
For us, this is no hyperbole. What we risk isn't a material *posession* (even if men treat our bodies like that's exactly what they are).
•
This is our reality in the vanilla world *and* the kink world 99.99% of the time no matter where we are or at any point in our lives. And as this thread has restated, this risk of tokenism, fetishization, dehumanization, and *** can happen to us with cis male Dominants, Vanillas, and Submissives.
•
But oh nooOo! Your hypothetical *** 😱🙄
•
If you're a submissive and you're mad about Fìndommes, maybe you should take a look at world history. I'm not a Fìndomme, but all I have to say is good for them. Consider them reparations.
•
It's not like they invented the kink and are forcing people into it. Lots of men are *searching for this* If you're not, then they're not the right domme. Easy peasy. It has nothing to do with you and it's not personal.
•
Stop making excuses.
Don't blame and balk at women for adapting, benefiting from, and enjoying a kink that men literally dm us asking for, and maybe finding a Dominant won't be so hard after all.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, astoria181736 said:

But a woman should expect worship

the kinda issue is that men want to "worship" - but only on their terms and definition 

 

[Da****]

Low and behold! A man asks Dominas a question and gets answers from one but it isn't what he wants to hear so he blocks them.
•
Thank you astoria181736 for posing such a good question and turning yourself into the answer. Bravo 👏🏽 I couldn't have written it better myself.

[ey****]

I'll tell you my findings.

The whole supply/demand thing is grossly exaggerated.

A reality is that - actually, finding a relationship etc can be hard. But there's stuff we all can be guilty of that makes it harder.    

So saying things like "there are far more sub men than Dominant women" is a comfort blanket rather than the truth.  It gives people a little comfort above "finding a relationship is hard" but also an excuse for their/our own shortfalls.

But also it can be demotivating, that there are people cling to this blanket a little *too* hard and it makes them think "what is the point?" rather than doing things which increases their visibility or potential.

Some of the common pitfalls guys fall into is that they put fetish first, so this makes a lot of women think the guys are interested in the fetish - not them (and, to be honest, this is true of a lot of guys I'm afraid) and especially if you want anything 'serious' or long term then you need a lot more in common than "I like to suck toes, she likes her toes sucked" 

Whilst the gap between sub guys and Dominant women is narrower than a lot would imply; it could be narrower again if more guys used their 'submission' to benefit women.   

The other issue is guys often look the wrong way - so they will say that women are only after payment or not really Dominant, or this or that or whatever - but then not look at all of the guys who are only after gratification, or play, or whatever (whatever they may otherwise claim!) 

Like, fetish wise - you can see from someone's profile what they're into and if there's overlap - maybe make a first message one about... getting to know them. 

[Deleted Member]

I love this