Should a male sub pay for everything?

[de****]

I see anything that has *** involved as a payment a wrong and corruptive element. Countless reasons for that. Im definitely not a puritan. Just prefer to hold a fair opinion on that. Also, gifts are being given. Not demanded, expected for. The giver decides what, if, when. This way, when you are being blessed with a gift, its a real blessing and not a duty. Anything different feels wrong to me, but that's only me. One fellow. Seems like alot think otherwise.

[ey****]

So, yes. You were being scammed.  There was no dungeon.

She was pushing to see how far you could be scammed and of course this meeting wasn't going to happen.

--

However, let's pretend she was real.  Why are you arranging to meet someone in a dungeon for play, before you've actually met them properly?   Cos, yes - if you are arranging to play in a dungeon, they aint cheap and so there has to be questions on who is covering what costs (especially as a lot of this benefits you) but - yeah, why you rushing to meet someone you've not met?

[Sp****]

Communication and setting things up properly go a long way.. If someone wants me to pay for something, I would not pay them to pay the bill... I would actually have the "dungeon" bill sent to me for payment..

[fa****]

10 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, yes. You were being scammed.  There was no dungeon.

She was pushing to see how far you could be scammed and of course this meeting wasn't going to happen.

--

However, let's pretend she was real.  Why are you arranging to meet someone in a dungeon for play, before you've actually met them properly?   Cos, yes - if you are arranging to play in a dungeon, they aint cheap and so there has to be questions on who is covering what costs (especially as a lot of this benefits you) but - yeah, why you rushing to meet someone you've not met?

Video and phone calls have been had beforehand. She is a real person.

I looked at it like any normal date. I have paid for something in advance that we was going to do. Even in normal dating that has not always worked out if they cancel short notice. My mistake here was believing her instead of getting the details so I could book and pay myself. And a dungeon on a first meet is not the worst thing I've ever done.

[Ke****]

I would do exactly what @Spirit_of_1979 wrote above.

[pa****]

Taking you for a cash ride, in all honesty a scammer.

[tw****]

Please remember that gifts are given freely not and received in that same spirit

[mm****]

Hail no you should not paid for everything

[re****]

My opinion is no. She's no God.

[Su****]

Dating it self nowadays became more like a scam, men get pushed to the limits to see how far they would pay and continue doing so.. so I am not surprised that in your case it's more expected to get treated this way since you are targeting the so called Doms.. it's a challenge everywhere

[Dr****]

Girls are always trying to make *** online with sub men. They call them cash pigs or sugar daddies. I find the whole thing disgusting. I'm mostly a dominant but I feel that using someone else just for their *** or body to be a little off putting. Even if my little/sub wants me to use them, outside of the bedroom I always care deeply for my partners.

[OR****]

You were scammed. There was no dungeon, there were no toys

[Te****]

Lots of red flags, at least meet her for a coffee or cocktails, see if she's real and if you have chemistry with her.

[Bo****]

No the Dom should pay their in charge

[Curvyasssub]

Nope i wouldn't have paid real mistresses don't demand *** only fake ones do

[ja****]

You could have donated to charity, or do something constructive with your time and energy. Never pay for sex. If they want to do it with you, they'll do it for free. You know that.

[di****]

All these ******* that think it's ok to involve *** with every fetish need to be arrested. Report every one that asks for ***.

[Mo****]

As a sub you will be required to do as order by your master ! However, that include the in room and out of the room sometimes and depending on the type of connection you established ! Demanding to lay things like what you mentioned is more as paying for your time ! Paying for your enjoyment ! Which is not acceptable! The connection should be pure connection and not using or taking only !

[Ta****]

She’s not a Dom. She would be a Domme , if she was a dominant. Most dominants are too prideful to have their sub paying for everything. Findom excluded because I honestly believe Findom to be more of a scam than a kink. If she’s depending on you to pay for everything, she lacks the pride and independence that usually accompanies the dominant personality.

Regardless, you are 100% getting played. One dungeon session (which is understandable that you paid for), does not put you in any type of relationship that would justify the type of lopsided financial extortion that it sounds like she’s doling out.

Personally, I require acts of servitude from a sub, but I would never let a sub pay more than minor expenses. I’ve had subs who are wealthy and try to throw their *** around and lavish me with frequent gifts. Too much like prostituting myself for my ego. 😂

[Sa****]

Scam, scam, SCAM. PROBABLY A LITTLE MAN IM INDIA

[So****]

There’s nothing sexual, or genuine, about giving *** to someone you haven’t met. What would be the point?

[oa****]

I think male sub should outr. Respect

[sa****]

Cut contact while you can. Probably 99 percent of “dommes” are people just looking to take your ***.

Pay for a session, and toys, okay sure. Pay for anything else, no that’s not right.

Females prey on men’s desperation for female dommes. There are hardly any females interested in that and so men are primed to fall victim to this.

Think about it this way, if I met a girl who wanted to be my sub, I would probably take her to dinner, pay for a dungeon session if that’s what we’re trying to do, and pay for toys, pay for everything because she’s a sub that I’m using. I would appreciate if she offered to pay a bit but at least at first I would refuse her ***. Yet, when a female wants to use a man, get pleasure from him in ways that he might be okay with but still like, potentially hurt him and shit or peg him, whatever she’s into, the man pays for that??? Kinda a double standard no?

[NF****]

Don’t be a sucker. There are a ton of scammers these days pretending to be Dommes that are just looking to milk you dry for *** with the whole “fin Dom” BS. They are just hustlers and scammers. Fin Dom is a tiny subset of BDSM but TV and social media have deluded many women into thinking they can just demand *** for anything online and get rich. Don’t be a fool. You are just being scammed.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, fatboy1978 said:

Video and phone calls have been had beforehand. She is a real person.

I looked at it like any normal date. I have paid for something in advance that we was going to do. Even in normal dating that has not always worked out if they cancel short notice. My mistake here was believing her instead of getting the details so I could book and pay myself. And a dungeon on a first meet is not the worst thing I've ever done.

What I'd kinda say - if you are happy enough to pay out : it's worth seeking out a Pro (which cannot be done here, unfortunately) you will know enough of the details, and it'll likely work out cheaper than what you had paid, or were asked to pay.

But as general insight into dungeons in the UK, and some other side points.

I can't think of any which do not have toys.  Obviously some of more variation than others and of course there is a difference between having something which is *your own* and relying on something which has been used on other people and you trust they placed in the box for cleaning after  use.

I feel there is a benefit on anyone interested in kink having some of their own toys - partially for circumstances like this and also, potentially, you might agree to meet someone genuine and book, say, a hotel or attend a fetish party together which doesn't have communal toys. 

In general it's worth familiarising yourself with dungeons in your area (or realistic travelling distance) so that you know what is there and what makes sense.  A couple of months ago I needed somewhere for a Saturday morning in London and a few of my favourites were not available and so there were others I'd not booked before which I knew about so knew they were real and what they were like.  One thing this can also mean as you say that you can then book the dungeon yourself, rather than reimbursing someone - but I also feel to a degree an agreed discussion on where to play together is important.

For example - I won't name any names, but there is a place which a few people do not like because a few people have reported it being dirty, and another place where the owner fell out with some people so they don't wish to go there (basically tweeting some stuff that was wildly disagreed with by some) 

Also, when you're in a dungeon paying for hire you tend to be on the clock; so definitely a good idea to have had most social stuff out of the way first - otherwise you're paying £50-£60 per hour hire to chat.

Generally speaking, when I'm playing in a dungeon - who pays for what is between me and them - but there have been cases where (a) I've paid the whole cost (b) THEY have paid the whole cost (c) costs have been split.  There isn't a right or wrong, but it comes down to context.  If someone holds up with a "you pay for everything or we can't play" then it's a question on how much you want to play with them in the first place.