sub in therapy

[fr****]

So I wonder what subs should do when in trauma therapy for PTSD and C-PTSD. Should I refrain from BDSM until it’s over? I always get told to talk to the psychologist about my ray of kinks and interests in BDSM. I have the opportunity to ask all the questions I have, but any subs out there who have experience being in therapy and think there’s something I should bring up while I have the chance?

I have a few months left, and my psychologist is very open minded and I asked them how I could possibly ever return to the kinks and BDSM lifestyle after being so traumatised?

How do I proceed? How do I connect back to myself and my needs and wants without re traumatising myself?

I feel blocked by myself, or it’s like a disconnect internally, and as of a few months ago I went from wanting sex to having a hard time to even get aroused even worse, even harder to climax, and it’s the first time in my life this has ever occurred for me.

I suggested a few things to my psychologist, possibly recreating the scene but change the outcome. They thought it might help.

Funny thing is my psychologist asked me for other ideas, and for me to turn and ask others who have been in therapy and in similar situations out there. I told then I hangout on BDSM forums talking to likeminded people so that’s where they got the idea from.

Anyway, I seek advice and guidance.
Thank you for reading! 😊

[Ja****]

***rs are just people who get off on getting away with sh*t. It doesn't matter if they actually gain anything, they're easily amused. ******** and ****** stem from control issues

[Am****]

I’m a male don. I’d tell that man right out right what happened and what your ptsd is like. I would be willing to lesson so slow and try and re teach you that your sad and ok and that not ever man is here to hurt you. Yes talking to professionals first is very smart. But if your into wanting BDSM AND what it trust your new partner. There r not the one that hurt you so give them some trust. Remember being straight forward honest and communicating is the best thing you can do. I may want to know if you say no or have a bad reaction, why you’re having it. More to see thing from your point of veiw. Also make sure the person willing / want to make you get better

[No****]

Hello! I think what you’re going through is happens often enough and I’m hoping the right people see your post and have feedback.

I know for me, when I started therapy and was working through some trauma and triggers, I had a system that a lot of people use in panic and anxiety attack situations. I focus on 3 things in a see, two things I can hear, one thing I can touch. In my experience, it was a lot of trial and error, just going through new situations and coming out the other side “ok” until I realized that not everything will turn into that trauma.

I can see where changing the out come would be helpful. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find something helpful so you can feel your absolute best. Always available to listen if you need.

[Deleted Member]

I don't have any answers or advice unfortunately. Dated someone with CPTSD for years and just wanted to reach out and send you good luck

[pa****]

Is Bdsm the reason your needing help, if yes then stop it whilst seeking help. If its not, does it help with your ptsd.

[Ki****]

Having suffered PTSD, after my military career, I can tell you that the triggers will haunt you for many years.

[Ki****]

I did therapy for almost 2 years and I am in a much better place mentally but still have dreams that haunt me and the morter fireworks create anxiety. I agree with Aman94 that you need to find a Dom that you can trust and slowly work in all your fantasies and kinks at your pace. I would not recommend recreating the trauma scene with a different outcome unless it's an amazing ultimate fantasy that is at the core of your submissive mind. I hope this helps and that your able to return to your erotic/orgasmic self sooner than later.

[fr****]

  40 minutes ago, pauld999 said:

Is Bdsm the reason your needing help, if yes then stop it whilst seeking help. If its not, does it help with your ptsd.

Expand  

It’s not BDSM related, and in fact it does help with my diagnosis. But I’ve noticed a big shift, from BDSM being a kink, now it’s more and becoming a fetish, as in if there no elements of BDSM I can’t get aroused or climax. So that’s why I wonder if I should take a break or not. I seem to need heavier sessions than ever before.

[fr****]

  3 hours ago, Novelnorth86 said:

Hello! I think what you’re going through is happens often enough and I’m hoping the right people see your post and have feedback.

I know for me, when I started therapy and was working through some trauma and triggers, I had a system that a lot of people use in panic and anxiety attack situations. I focus on 3 things in a see, two things I can hear, one thing I can touch. In my experience, it was a lot of trial and error, just going through new situations and coming out the other side “ok” until I realized that not everything will turn into that trauma.

I can see where changing the out come would be helpful. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find something helpful so you can feel your absolute best. Always available to listen if you need.

Expand  

Thank you 🙏

[Ls****]

There’s no right or wrong way here and no magic bullet that works for everyone.

I suffer with a form of mental anguish and cycle from wanting sex to hating the thought and having a hard time to get aroused but then feel I want to climax.

Personally I find this site useful and talking and fantasising over some of the posts useful.
I can leave it alone or pick it up and when I want.

I use it for me. Dependent on how I’m feeling.

Sometimes I even walk away from it for days or weeks to have a break but then come back and hammer it. Maybe it would be nice to be more steady but for now I’ve accepted these cycles occur and this site helps in that regard.

But for you - I think you have to experiment with it and use this site, BDSM, fantasy or reality how you want and in a manner that works.
Pick it up , put it down, hammer it, steer clear, do meets or not … there’s no one answer.
Just try different approaches and see what works for you.

Aldo - be patient with it and accept yourself and the situation. Then you can work with it.

Not sure if that helps - but good luck

Luke x

[fr****]

  3 hours ago, Aman94 said:

I’m a male don. I’d tell that man right out right what happened and what your ptsd is like. I would be willing to lesson so slow and try and re teach you that your sad and ok and that not ever man is here to hurt you. Yes talking to professionals first is very smart. But if your into wanting BDSM AND what it trust your new partner. There r not the one that hurt you so give them some trust. Remember being straight forward honest and communicating is the best thing you can do. I may want to know if you say no or have a bad reaction, why you’re having it. More to see thing from your point of veiw. Also make sure the person willing / want to make you get better

Expand  

Thank you, I am very open about it before I even start seen any Doms. I’m not hiding it. Because it’s parts of me that the Dom needs to know about.

[fr****]

  37 minutes ago, KinkDaddy78254 said:

I did therapy for almost 2 years and I am in a much better place mentally but still have dreams that haunt me and the morter fireworks create anxiety. I agree with Aman94 that you need to find a Dom that you can trust and slowly work in all your fantasies and kinks at your pace. I would not recommend recreating the trauma scene with a different outcome unless it's an amazing ultimate fantasy that is at the core of your submissive mind. I hope this helps and that your able to return to your erotic/orgasmic self sooner than later.

Expand  

Thank you so much for your input, I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond, and so I won’t recreate the scene. And will continue to tread carefully as to what’s my triggers are.

[fr****]

  16 minutes ago, Lsmart938 said:

There’s no right or wrong way here and no magic bullet that works for everyone.

I suffer with a form of mental anguish and cycle from wanting sex to hating the thought and having a hard time to get aroused but then feel I want to climax.

Personally I find this site useful and talking and fantasising over some of the posts useful.
I can leave it alone or pick it up and when I want.

I use it for me. Dependent on how I’m feeling.

Sometimes I even walk away from it for days or weeks to have a break but then come back and hammer it. Maybe it would be nice to be more steady but for now I’ve accepted these cycles occur and this site helps in that regard.

But for you - I think you have to experiment with it and use this site, BDSM, fantasy or reality how you want and in a manner that works.
Pick it up , put it down, hammer it, steer clear, do meets or not … there’s no one answer.
Just try different approaches and see what works for you.

Aldo - be patient with it and accept yourself and the situation. Then you can work with it.

Not sure if that helps - but good luck

Luke x

Expand  

I tend to listen to my body and mind a lot more than before. But I’m an over thinker so that’s mostly why I’m in here asking these questions, thank you for responding

[SissyPuppers]

Have you considered therapist assisted esketamine micro dosing in-office. It's an FDA prescription. You take it AT their office and are directed thru your experiences to steer you to results. They are incredible. I've checked on it and talked to my psychiatric staff. I'm getting read to do it. It's a prescription inhaler.

Just look up Sprovato. It can CURE PTSD, OCD, clinical Depression, Smoking etc in as little as ONE DOSE. I know that sounds ridiculous but the ketamine literally affects your entire brain as a single organism and rewires the bad while it is "moldable". All other *** just tinker with dopamine, uptakes, Inhibitors, adrenaline etc.

Again, I'm not a doctor, but just look it up. Check on reddit for people's experiences. In a nutshell as I've gathered any therapy Is typically "sabotaged" by your ID. Not identification. Your conscious personality. Your frontal cortex. The part that tells you this will never work or that your a POS. the voice AFTER your therapy session that then is unrelenting in telling you You don't deserve to be happy etc. This ELIMINATES that for the moment during the session so when, as you know friends and family, some of them, can tell you in a paragraph what your issues are and how to solve them and indeed it makes sense....... "IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY. TO JUST ACKNOWLEDGE COMMON SENSE AND REASONABLE OBSERVATION AND JUDGEMENT BY THOSE THAT KNOW YOU AND STOP DOING IT."

If only right? Well check it out. I'm not selling anything lol. It's all over the web. Not every practice does it as they need a trained psychiatrist to sit with you for the few hours in a room with soft background tones while you literally sit or lay down under the covers of a bed or on a couch. Low lighting - calm. Non-medical surroundings sounds and voice by the professional
They observe and listen to your spoken self observations and they steer that into making the changes.

[SissyPuppers]

I am a massive over thinker. I'm laying here at 1:40 am since 11pm... Reminding myself how I have no future, no friends, no hope. And I've taken so many meds I'm tired of that symptomatic bandaid reaction. Lowering your *** pressure to reduce anxiety sounds like voodoo.. Or something out of the 1940s.

[Ls****]

  1 hour ago, freyainthenorth said:

I tend to listen to my body and mind a lot more than before. But I’m an over thinker so that’s mostly why I’m in here asking these questions, thank you for responding

Expand  

Definitely good to listen to mind and body.  
 

I get the over thinking.  I do that too and one minute convince myself somethings the best idea ever and I will do it and then next minute it’s the worst thing ever and I’m crazy for even thinking it might happen and that everyone is out to get one over on me.  
 

“I” am the only reason I’ve not met up with anyone from this site.  

[Mu****]

I don't think so.

[Sc****]

Hi Freya,

You pretty much have it already figured it out. Here is a little breadcrumb to help you find your way on your journey. Contrary to Dr. House's opinion, people do change, as well as their interests. Feel free to DM to discuss further.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Repetition_compulsion

 

[MissTakenDeep]

Ok, so I can only go off my own experience here; I’m also diagnosed with both and for a long time felt very shamed by my kinks, whilst simultaneously needing them more to be sexually satisfied, which was a difficult combination. I was on my own for a while and it difficult to find someone I felt safe enough to communicate properly with, but when I did, it was a relationship more than a dynamic and the bdsm was added slowly.. I’d say you’re the only person who truly knows what will help, just please make sure your chosen partner knows what they’re helping with!

[to****]

With cPTSD, I would strongly suggest sticking with therapy for as long as you need it and feel it’s benefiting you rather than some random date in time. I would make sure your therapist is a trauma-informed and trained therapist. I worked extensively in EMDR and IFS to repair and heal my wounds.

Finding truly trustworthy partners and people who understand the trauma and will protect you, safeguard you, head your vulnerabilities and honor your wants and needs. Respecting the boundaries that you set out. All of which is paramount so that you can process it correctly.

[Rh****]

As someone who’s in therapy for CPTSD and PTSD, the best thing you can do is communicate your needs to a current scene partner/candidate as a scene partner that won’t trigger you. For me, i talk about what i need in the scene: emotionally, mentally, and physically. The breakdown helps my partner realize what i need from it within my boundaries so I don’t go into subdrop or have a PTSD episode, and it helps me work through/push the boundaries that my brain has on certain acts. It took me a long time to find a balance with it, but everyone grows differently from their pasts. Good on you for reaching out to others about it; I didn’t really have that until I talked to my therapist about it, so seeing someone actively reach out in their circles is very heartwarming for me

[je****]

I have a psych education and I also have therapy. Do not try to trigger yourself yet. Definitely stay away from BDSM until you are fully comfortable and know that it's not going to trigger you to fall back. I know how hard it is I stayed single for 3 years because of it.

[Sh****]

It entirely depends on the relationship with your Dom imo. Kink is a place of expression in a safe space. There's a lot of psychology revolving around trauma and kink. Brats mouth off because they know there isn't actually a consequence, they have all the power to control play and stop when they say. If you didn't have good boundaries as a kid where you could have constructive conflict with guardians, that's trauma.

My 2 cents is it can be the***utic to experience traumatic experiences in a safe space. I've had partners who were victims that wanted to play out exactly what happened. I didn't get it and assumed it would be more traumatizing for them. Talked about it and their intent was basically memory replacement. When they think about topics like *** they remember play they've been in rather than what happened to them.

This is just my experience and it happens to be positive, talk to professionals before you go about trying to heal yourself in unconventional ways.

[fr****]

  7 hours ago, SissyPuppers said:

Have you considered therapist assisted esketamine micro dosing in-office. It's an FDA prescription. You take it AT their office and are directed thru your experiences to steer you to results. They are incredible. I've checked on it and talked to my psychiatric staff. I'm getting read to do it. It's a prescription inhaler.

Just look up Sprovato. It can CURE PTSD, OCD, clinical Depression, Smoking etc in as little as ONE DOSE. I know that sounds ridiculous but the ketamine literally affects your entire brain as a single organism and rewires the bad while it is "moldable". All other *** just tinker with dopamine, uptakes, Inhibitors, adrenaline etc.

Again, I'm not a doctor, but just look it up. Check on reddit for people's experiences. In a nutshell as I've gathered any therapy Is typically "sabotaged" by your ID. Not identification. Your conscious personality. Your frontal cortex. The part that tells you this will never work or that your a POS. the voice AFTER your therapy session that then is unrelenting in telling you You don't deserve to be happy etc. This ELIMINATES that for the moment during the session so when, as you know friends and family, some of them, can tell you in a paragraph what your issues are and how to solve them and indeed it makes sense....... "IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY. TO JUST ACKNOWLEDGE COMMON SENSE AND REASONABLE OBSERVATION AND JUDGEMENT BY THOSE THAT KNOW YOU AND STOP DOING IT."

If only right? Well check it out. I'm not selling anything lol. It's all over the web. Not every practice does it as they need a trained psychiatrist to sit with you for the few hours in a room with soft background tones while you literally sit or lay down under the covers of a bed or on a couch. Low lighting - calm. Non-medical surroundings sounds and voice by the professional
They observe and listen to your spoken self observations and they steer that into making the changes.

Expand  

I don’t think this is available where I am from. Sounds interesting though.