On DDLG's longevity

[ky****]

So in my own anecdotal experience, I've noticed that my DD/LG dynamics have had an expiration date. I find that often my partners use little space and my role as a caretaker as a safe place where they can heal from the damage life had inflicted. I love providing this for them...I love the feeling of knowing I'm doing this for them, but it seems that as time goes on and they are able to recover from what brought them to me...things begin to stagnate.

I'm starting to feel like I'm just a bandage, and even though the other person may love me, once the wound heals there's no point keeping the bandage on.

Does this feeling reasonte with anyone?

[Da****]

I've had similar experiences with the DD/LG dynamic as well. It's made me very hesitant to try another one and I really enjoy the dynamic until the point where it feels like I helped them heal past needing me and than they leave...I dont wanna be a foster partner..

[Zo****]

Well for me I have never had someone to help heal me. I think that even if I did I keep hurting myself that the person would end up getting tired of it.

[Da****]

Nice to see that I'm not alone in that experience. Indeed, like you guys, my past DDlg relationships were filled with joy on both sides. But at some point, it seems that the wounds have healed, at least on the surface and the my babies were different. This does feel bad, as you let them in, take care of them, yet in the end you're being used. Or so it seems. Especially ***ful is when you see that they aren't healed and will be hurt again.

[Da****]

I felt down back to say share my hypothesis. Though it feels rude to think this I have an idea that a key factor in what triggers the dynamic or the desire for it is directly linked to trama and *** and thus once the *** or trauma is no longer an issue the dynamic dies. I think this partly due to the fact that after their and I'm relationship ended they expressed no desire for the little lifestyle anymore. They wanted a more autonomous relationship and due to the nature of how ours had begun and grew they couldn't see me as anything more than a CG partner. Felt like I did my job so well I worked myself out of a job...I would love a study into idk..."kink psychology" that would be fun and ***ful

[lo****]

To be honest, that's a fault of how people learn about the kink more often than not. It does to both ends. From a dom POV, it's often forgotten some kinks come and go for subs (and doms as well) so it can be difficult to maintain constantly or more often than not. From a sub's, it not really knowing that there's commitment on both ends that takes an emotional toll if they do not discuss it as temporary, permanent, or simply trying to figure out if its their thing at all. (Simply speaking from a switch POV and I'm used to being a sub in a dynamic like this but discuss openly both ends for needs and such.)

[in****]

I think unfortunately it’s often the natural order of things, and something we must accept. Like outwith the community, fathers must learn to accept that their own daughters will one day grow to not need them the way they needed them in their more *** youth. And so in the DDLG dynamic, there is a similar growth pattern sometimes, where once they evolve past the hurt that you helped them heal from, they no longer need you like they once did. Of course it can be heartbreaking and sad, but nothing lasts forever and we all know that, even though it’s a bitter pill to swallow. But swallow it we must. All we can do is revel in the time we have when we’re in the midst of these dynamics and relationships, for that’s when we’re at our most alive. When we’re connecting with other human beings intensely. But hey… sometimes these relationships can last your lifetime together, and there will always be a need for her to seek your comfort in little space, as life will always have its trials and tribulations. But if it’s not for our lifetime together, we just be thankful we experienced it, as many won’t experience what it’s like to be trusted, relied on and looked upon as a guide and protector. Which is a special thing.

[pl****]

That’s interesting to a hear a DD say that because the whole point of having someone heal me is so that I can trust them to be my Daddy and my Dom. I want both. If a man can help you heal without expecting sex in return, then he can be trusted not to hurt you. I can’t imagine leaving someone as sweet and as kind to me as that. As a little without a Daddy, I’ve found finding that dynamic on this site extremely difficult. I’m often told I shouldn’t be here. That I’m too vanilla. And maybe I am, for right now. I can’t just jump in bed with a stranger and let him *** me. It’s not safe nor is it helping my heart.

[1V****]

Absolutely, I can understand that very much

[Jo****]

I think the challenge to the dynamic is this, we look to fill that DD role because we are caregivers, we extend ourselves to love and support, but want that given back. I have found as you dive deeper into the dynamic that there may be less intimacy or at least lesser intensity to it, but when you do find that right person, they will not let go. I believe that relationships simply run their course, and it's sometimes shorter than we want them to be, or maybe that person was just simply not the happily ever after person you are meant to have. Maybe it's crazy, but just my opinion.

[Lo****]

Certainly seems to be a thing anymore. My last little promised to be my world and 2 years later turned out to just be a long rebound.

[Ph****]

I mean it also depends as well. I have had a sub/little dynamic with someone for 10 years. Life happens, kids, other things. Sometimes it does petter out because of life in general. We still talk and I help her through things as a friend of 10 years and sometimes we roleplay like we used to when she has the time :)

[bo****]

I've had that happen where someone has be primarily regressing due to trauma and I've got to be honest I find it a nice feeling if a little grows and heals.

Same thing as with a counselor, hopefully you get fo the poi t when they aren't needed anymore.

A daddy's girl will always grow up and spread her wings.

[La****]

That's fascinating. Honestly, as a fellow daddy dom, I would take that observation as an enormous compliment, even if the reality feels terribly isolating. To be able to regularly touch someone's heart with such genuine tenderness and care that they begin to heal on a psychological level is an astounding skill, and I think it speaks so strongly to the quality of your character. (By the way, I don't want to imply that kink must be the result of psychological damage, and that being healthy means not being kinky.)
I know how hard it is to watch your littles grow and heal and develop, but despite how ***ful it is to continually watch them leave the nest and feel left behind, I think you should be proud of what you're able to do for others.
Unfortunately, the question of "where does that leave you?" still remains, and it's not one I have a great answer for. I love being someone's temporary safe space when they're in a point of crisis, so when they leave, I'm pleased to see them happy and don't feel terribly alone. I won't pretend like I have some great insight on the matter, but I wonder if that love, care, and tenderness that you enjoy sharing with others should be turned inward. It's okay to let yourself be your rock, it's okay to tell yourself nice things, it's okay to say comforting words to yourself when you feel down, it's okay to let your feelings feel seen and validated by even just you, and it's an amazing skill to be able to look inside and tell yourself "I love you." I don't know how much it will help, but it might be worth it to try being your healer the same way you've apparently been an effective healer for others. And hey, if you do try it, update us on how it goes! I'd genuinely like to know.
Best wishes, stranger.

[Ma****]

You need to get your a** spanked get back into reality a caretaker, a caretaker somebody who needs one always needs one, but sometimes they gotta take care of their caretaker and remind them what they’re doing is the right thing you need to get your a** spanked you need to stop back into reality your Dom’s not taking care of you when you need it. You need to know you’re needed.

[Go****]

I think that it is important to be able to evolve as a caretaker.

As emotionally stunted parts of a person heal, you need to be able to be a caretaker to an adult who is fully emotionally developed. (And occasionally accept care from your partner.)

Long-term relationships are about being committed to taking care of each other through thick and thin.

[su****]

You are a healer… I have similar situations with my submission… people come to me to be loved fully and once they heal they move on..:

[Ke****]

Maybe transition to a different D/s dynamic, if DDlg isn't happening much or your little says they don't desire little space anymore. Some littles enjoy other D/s dynamics. Try spending more time in those D/s dynamics. Look at new D/s dynamics. Try transitioning to those. Maybe, even Master/slave though that would a total 180 and probably not very likely. It's up to what you and your sub consensually want to do.

[Se****]

To the op: yes, they're an expiration date. I'm now in my 50s, very experienced, and I get even more lg attention than at any point in my life, but yes, as the first poster said: it might just be the natural state of things that they move on. It sucks because society can still look at the older man like he's a creep, when in practice it's often us who are getting "used" and then left heartbroken.

[Ri****]

I have chosen to look at age regression as a dealers choice type of thing: it's something that a little should ask for, not a Dom. There's much more of a psychological aspect to it than most other types of d/s relationships. The goal for many a little is to get the childhood they didn't have, or heal a trauma they did have. Once that has happened, taking a step back just isn't as productive. It can even be harmful.

As such, as Daddy's and Mommy's we need to learn to either de-tach ourselves and begin "foster" programs if that type of nurturing is still a need, or learn to heal whatever part of us causes us to resonate so much with the needs of littles if we want to stay with a "grown"

[Am****]

I have never dabbled in the DDlg dynamic before. But I do tell the women I am with I would like to be a placeholder for them. I want to help them explore their sexual desires in a safe place where they can be encouraged to do so, but also know that my consent matters too. I will stroke their ego and raise their self-esteem hyping them up before dates as they search for the man they want long term. I enjoy being their wingman and if the date lulls offer topics or advice to keep it flowing. I want to see and help people become the happiest versions of themselves! But they hopefully do find their spouse and venture off to forget me to pursue their life together. I have found it stings just a little, but I fortunately recover quite quickly. I don't want long long-term or at least committed relationship and they know that, but it is fun to have the feelings fresh and new with every woman!!!

[No****]

I feel the same. Not only with DDLG, tho. Maybe cause I'm trans, but people promise a lot and deliver absolutely nothing.

[ma****]

To be honest most if not all dynamic in this lifestyle has a expectation date. There are the exceptions to the rule as with everything,But it been my experience that the one that last are the ones where both live it 24/7 and are truly committed to the lifestyle. And most are not.

[Ke****]

D/s dynamics can also evolve. Each dynamic may include several kinks. As one kink gets less used or dropped, another kink may get more used or added. Each kink may have a vague expiration date, but the D/s relationship may keep going strong.

[ey****]

If you go into your garden and there's a bird with an injured wing, you can put out some food, and water and so on.  The bird will appreciate it. May even seem happy to see you and friendly towards you.

However. As soon as it's strong enough to fly off, it's gone.  Cos, well, it got what it needed for survival and there's no further benefit to hopping round your garden.

Mind, rather than either be sad the bird is gone, or happy "you" nursed it back to health - calling a body like the RSPB in the first place would have been much better suited to help the bird.

 

Funnily enough, 'Broken Wing Syndrome' is a thing, which is people (particularly guys) attracted towards those who are 'damaged' or 'broken' and wish to help them (whether they asked or not...) and the kinda problem is that, once they're kinda over that, there's no further reason to hop around your garden.  The only thing they saw from you that you could offer is no longer required.

Similarly to the bird, rather than even being happy you "helped" or sad they're gone - it probably would have been better to sign post for appropriate support in the first place.