How to attract a genuine Domme

[Deleted Member]

Dommes get a bad rap around here. So it's time to put the record straight. 

Yes, there are some scammers and unscrupulous women who use the power of the role to extort *** from submissives. They're the ones you need to avoid. If and when you find a genuine Domme, it's up to you to impress her. 

 

Many of the male subs who approach me start by telling me about their list of kinks and the things they want me to do to them. "Punish me, Ma'am," - "Put me in chastity, Ma'am" - "Control my orgasms, Ma'am" - "Crush my balls, feminize me, make me a sissy, Ma'am."
When a man starts with this stuff, I'm quickly turned OFF by him. If his main focus is getting his kicks through me, I'm not interested. 

I might be into those things but it's not how a kinky relationship starts. My desire to do those things to my sub comes AFTER I get to know him and decide that he's worthy of my time and attention. 

 

So, how can you get my attention and impress me? 

Be a man. Don't be a wimp. Even if you are a sissy. 

Be articulate. ALL of the men who've had relationships with me have been able to hold up their end of an ongoing conversation. They are interesting, funny and spirited. Be like them. 

Be prepared to wine and dine me. Yes, even as a Domme, I want to be seduced. Send me flowers, buy me gifts. Be thoughtful. Put yourself out for me, and I will be impressed. 

Be well-groomed and smartly-dressed. 

I don't like smokers or men who drink excessively. 

 

Does that sound unreasonable to you?  
Think of it like old-fashioned courting. 
The kinky shit comes after that. 

[Deleted Member]

Dommes have a bad rap on here as most are fake and just want a cash tribute which is exactly the way to suss that they are scammers . Trust no one on this site

[BigPolly]

I absolutely love this, it is perfect!!!

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, BadBoy4You said:

Dommes have a bad rap on here as most are fake and just want a cash tribute which is exactly the way to suss that they are scammers . Trust no one on this site

BadBoy, I'm trying to shift the conversation away from the fakes and talk about genuine Femdom. Not everyone on this site is fake. 

[ey****]

Before I go onto the main post.

The "how to attract a genuine Domme" advice goes beyond 'this site' but all sites in general and, well, events.

But, I think if your main approach is weak you are ONLY going to get the scammers reply. And if you're only getting scammers replying to you, that's also a long way in how poorly you vet profiles.  

[Deleted Member]

When I read your profile it’s exactly what subs expect from you ? 
ball busting and other refine “domminations” so don’t be surprise when they message you in that fashion way 

Edited March 21, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

Just now, FabSeverus said:

When I read your profile it’s exactly what men expect from you ? 
ball busting and other refine “domminations” so don’t be surprise when they message you in that fashion way 

Thanks for the high quality feedback, Severus. 

[Deleted Member]

Unsolicited advice from men. 

One of the delights of being a woman. 

[Deleted Member]

An excellent post that really can apply to many aspects of relationships/dynamics. If you're interested in someone you don't approach them and tell them about your sex life right away. If you do, you soon find yourself with no one to talk to.
It sadly seems there are many out there who think that all kinky people want is sex.
Truth is you want to be able to talk about stuff before and afterwards. Have nice chats ect you know the normal stuff people do because surprise surprise kinky people are real people! (just with much more fun activities)

[Deleted Member]

39 minutes ago, BadBoy4You said:

Dommes have a bad rap on here as most are fake and just want a cash tribute which is exactly the way to suss that they are scammers . Trust no one on this site

Some! Some are fake. Not most. I’ve met so many fake subs it’s unreal. One bad apple doesn’t ruin the whole barrel 

[Deleted Member]

Yes I am looking for a mistress but can’t and don’t want to pay a tribute. What happened to good old submission?

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, Manix24 said:

Yes I am looking for a mistress but can’t and don’t want to pay a tribute. What happened to good old submission?

A genuine lifestyle Domme won't ask you for a Tribute. 

[Deleted Member]

Thanks you for letting me know. Was wondering if I am looking for the wrong thing 

[Deleted Member]

49 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Unsolicited advice from men. 

One of the delights of being a woman. 

🥱 

[Deleted Member]

I always keep my polite approach, and never ask her to do things to me. Yes, I kinda want to use her for my needs, but not in the selfish way where she won't get anything. I want her satisfied emotions, and in order for her to express them, I fulfill her desires.

So, I think it's a fair trade. She gets satisfaction, I get her feelings to feed on. My only demand for a domme is that she openly expresses her emotions for me. The rest is completely in her control.

 

Also, I never accuse anyone of being a scammer until I'm 100% sure. I can take my time talking politely to them, and wait for them to make a mistake in their role, or try to get *** from me.

[ey****]

I feel posts like this are always an important reminder.

I always hope there's guys/subs who can learn from it a little bit.   Because if just one pulls up their socks to make more of an effort it's been worthwhile.

I think from a gentleman above there's the question of "what happened to submission?" that's on the sub - I feel going into someone's inbox this is a little on you.  So, clearly there was something about the persons profile that interested you - and so they've already made an impression.   So, now it's your turn... and just a "hey" and expecting them to look at your profile won't cut it.  This is the equivalent of putting junk mail in someones door with no  info on and just "for more info see our website" and should you go to their website you find it's just a coding nightmare

And. you know.  I think checking someone out and feeling why they may be a good match rather than hoping for the best and then you're using this as a chance to introduce yourself; make it brief but make it count.

I think the guys who just do stuff like minimal effort or send a bunch of fetishes over - it's a bit, well, the purely lifestyle Dommes would be like, meh, and there might be others who think "does he want to book a session to go through fetishes and fantasies? Well, that costs my time" so the only replied they get are from scammers and people saying "sure, book my time" 

And, like, I aint no expert.  But, I dunno.  Do better

[Deleted Member]

Thanks all for your advise. I am new to this so need help. Good night all 

[slagpuppy]

Nice post mswhiterose, same goes on the other side. sure you will find a male domm that use you but it will be over fast and hopefully you can walk away. A real dom of any gender is going to want more then a worm body.

[Roisin3883]

I have had 2 dommes tell me they wanted to be my sugar momma and they stole my *** instead

[Deleted Member]

I managed to resist paying and told them straight away and they went as quick as they came. Shame fakes try to exploit people’s wants and needs. Brings a bad name to all of this 

[ey****]

I feel this is getting side tracked from the main post.   But, scammers have activated on dating websites since dating websites began and will be there until they end.  Most of their techniques have never changed and so it's on you to, well, learn what to spot.

[Roisin3883]

Idk what to spot, since I am new to all of this

[Ro****]

I have in free relationship with a group of 5 mature 50 y. O. Ladies that are friends and widow or finish marriage. All are sadistic and authoritarian Dominatrix that doing fetish,vanilla and bdsm with their,i don't pay never their,but they are rich and when going at the restaurants wishing paying always their,wishing giving me *** and gifts and i having always starting discussion because ok restaurants but i don't want their *** because i have pleasure for doing sex,bdsm and fetish with all them,are nice and again beautiful and charming Ladies. They and nobody of my firsts relationships asking that want my ***,if want *** are  prodomme or ***mistress that i don't like because is the same thing to going with a professional sex worker

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for this.  It gives some of us hope.  I prefer to get to know the woman before I know the Domme.

[Vandalslut]

2 hours ago, Lex2561 said:

Idk what to spot, since I am new to all of this

Dommes demanding 'tribute' or 'gifts' before any sort of relationship or trust has been established, especially 'tribute' and 'gifts' in the form of vouchers, Apple iTune cards, etc. Scammers. Or demanding that you pay for a 'dungeon' or other facility before having even met, or only on the basis of online messages or phone calls. Those who on first messaging you in this site or any other, immediately want you to contact them on another site or who want your email address, or who will give you an email address to contact them on so they can get yours. From  what male submissive friends here have told me, many of the scammers rely on the submissive being 'desperate' to find the Domme and will pay up even on the chance that they may have finally found 'the one'. Keep your *** in the bank and in your pocket until a relationship is established.   If you 'feel' something is not right - get out and look elsewhere. Good luck - and I'm truly sorry to hear you've had such an awful time.  You deserve better.

Edited March 22, 2020 by Vandalslut