How to attract a genuine Domme

[BrittanyHavok]

As a more than part time girl and natural sub I can totally agree. I have a lot of sissy sub friends asking me how I do it. I tell them it's simple. Don't be desperate unless you're paying. I don't pay for a single bit of affection. You have to have an honest interest in the person you want as your dom or its strictly business. I've had a couple doms but all started out getting to know each other a while before anything happened. Be you, be nice, be affectionate. Appreciate her (or him) and appreciate yourself.

[Ro****]

If a domme having pleasure for a relationship or session with you don't ask ***,if asking *** is a mercenary!

[Ry****]

I will serve you

[ey****]

1 hour ago, FabSeverus said:

It’s an easy job with easy ***.

Now, I disagree massively there.

Like, I know to different degrees a lot of ladies who work professionally - and, when I say this - I mean generally folk you can arrange time/sessions with and not someone who is trying to sponge a gift card and run off.

In fact, even in saying that - the amount of younger ladies who've turned to different forms of online findom/clips/selling/etc or whatever and then quickly aborted because it actually really is a lot of work and isn't as rewarding as it sometimes seems.

Right now for example - a lot of these are folk who are screwed.   Whilst none of us should really be trying to do meets at the minute because of covid19 - their inability to do meets costs them their income stream - and so this has meant a lot of people who were relying on real time meets are now turning to cam and clips on top of all those already doing cams and clips which has totally saturated and crippled the earning potential.

There's all sorts of other blips and problems have hit the industry over the years - and - of course paid for time doesn't always attract the best of clients.  Whilst some, especially more established ladies, have a lot more pick and control anyone new may be finding their feet with vetting, may be in a position where they feel they have to take less-than-ideal sessions - so on.

But, this is still getting away from the main point of the post.   

I feel this post should be a little less about attacking women you don't want to attract, but working on attracting the ones you do.  

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, BigPolly said:

I absolutely love this, it is perfect!!!

I agree Polly, MsWhite has a very good insight into the lifestyle and what's she's explaining and promoting is wonderful and has my full support, positive regard and love 💜👑💜

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I feel this post should be a little less about attacking women you don't want to attract, but working on attracting the ones you do.  

Yes yes yes!!! The regard of the "genuine Domme" and the approach to her in such circumstances where you wish to draw her attention and positive regard would be a far more productive thread.  🔥🔥🔥

[Ky****]

6 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

Dommes demanding 'tribute' or 'gifts' before any sort of relationship or trust has been established, especially 'tribute' and 'gifts' in the form of vouchers, Apple iTune cards, etc. Scammers. Or demanding that you pay for a 'dungeon' or other facility before having even met, or only on the basis of online messages or phone calls. Those who on first messaging you in this site or any other, immediately want you to contact them on another site or who want your email address, or who will give you an email address to contact them on so they can get yours. From  what male submissive friends here have told me, many of the scammers rely on the submissive being 'desperate' to find the Domme and will pay up even on the chance that they may have finally found 'the one'. Keep your *** in the bank and in your pocket until a relationship is established.   If you 'feel' something is not right - get out and look elsewhere. Good luck - and I'm truly sorry to hear you've had such an awful time.  You deserve better.

I'm glad I read this because I quite quickly move to offering my email or mobile numbers, I hadn't realised this was not the done thing anymore, sorry if I've offended anyone

[Deleted Member]

Amazing feedback thank you. This hopefully will help me to find a genuine mistress. Happy Sunday all 

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

It’s an easy job with easy ***. 

 

What on earth is this opinion based on? 

Anyone who's conducting a domination session, whether male or female, knows that it's not 'easy'. lt's physically and mentally demanding. 

But some people here won't get off their own ***y soapbox and focus on the topic in hand, which is about how to attract a GENUINE LIFESTYLE Domme. 

There are people in this thread who have genuine questions and want to learn. Can we please stop the Domme bashing and the kink bashing/shaming because I'm sick of it. 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Kymi said:

I'm glad I read this because I quite quickly move to offering my email or mobile numbers, I hadn't realised this was not the done thing anymore, sorry if I've offended anyone

Anyone you connect with should be content to get to know you through this platform first.... I have spent weeks speaking with people here before giving them my private details. And they have become long-term friends. Anyone who is rushing you to Kik or WhatsApp is looking for quick gratification, and likely to fuck off just as quickly after they get it. 

[Wo****]

Ok, I know very little about being a Domme. My initial thoughts were that Dommes were dominant women who were financially rewarded somehow. 

Then there are Dommes like Rose that are dominant and want a relationship but aren't looking for financial gain. Doesn't mean they don't appreciate gifts. Us women like gifts, particularly in relationships. Pirate and I have brought gifts for each other. It's not about the value, it's about the thought behind it. I've been given gifts, by people that have become genuine friends, why is it different for Dommes?

Dommes want seducing too...

 

Doesn't it appear that a lot, not all, male subs see a Domme and think all they need to do is contact them and reel off a list of what they want.

As a female submissive I wanna impress a Dom. By all means tell him what I'd like but demand he do whatever because he's dominant? 

 

And easy ***? I can imagine it's an absolute nightmare. 

[CalmInquisitor1552]

Solid and well written advice as always MsWhiteRose.  Extremely timely too for those seeking cyber arrangements during this social isolation time.

Edited March 22, 2020 by CalmInquisitor1552
Changed we'll to well. Typo.

[SissyRIanne]

On the side of real dommes, I have written to quite a lot of them so far on this site over the last months, and while I do not immediately ask them to engage in a fetish way like MsWhiteRose describes, I do find it pretty hard to decide what to put in that one message you get because unless you pay for the highest premium package on this site you can't send more then one message to a person every 90 days, Unless they respond to you. Some dommes make it easy by describing very well what they want to hear in their profile, or even a bit about themselves, others don't have anything on their profile. So do I then write everything down about me to tell them who I am, or do I open up my interest in them, do I write 10 paragraphs just to make sure the information they want is in there, or do I keep it short hoping they will respond and we can start chatting back and forth and find out about each other that way. I try to write a completely different message to everyone I message, tuned to what I know about them from their profile, but yet I rarely ever get a response.

[ey****]

19 minutes ago, SissyRIanne said:

others don't have anything on their profile

So. Why would you contact them?  This isn't a slight - but there must be SOMETHING about them that made you think, with their lack of information, "this person could be a good Domme for me and totally isn't a scam or empty profile" if it was just messaging someone for the sake of it, this was a wrong approach - there does need to be something!  And with that something, you can kinda work that into your message. 

One thing to think about - your message count shows on your profile  - if your "sent" considerably out numbers your "received" this will look like you've been mass messaging and be off-putting to others. Equally, folk can see you've messaged multiple people in the same day. Obviously, context applies - but if you're having a conversation with a friend your count will look closer together.

This isn't just true for this site; but anywhere in general.    

[Ky****]

1 hour ago, SissyRIanne said:

On the side of real dommes, I have written to quite a lot of them so far on this site over the last months, and while I do not immediately ask them to engage in a fetish way like MsWhiteRose describes, I do find it pretty hard to decide what to put in that one message you get because unless you pay for the highest premium package on this site you can't send more then one message to a person every 90 days, Unless they respond to you. Some dommes make it easy by describing very well what they want to hear in their profile, or even a bit about themselves, others don't have anything on their profile. So do I then write everything down about me to tell them who I am, or do I open up my interest in them, do I write 10 paragraphs just to make sure the information they want is in there, or do I keep it short hoping they will respond and we can start chatting back and forth and find out about each other that way. I try to write a completely different message to everyone I message, tuned to what I know about them from their profile, but yet I rarely ever get a response.

yes that's my dilemma as well, 1 message per 90 days unless they reply, and 1 message to a ew person per day is quite restrictive in terms of trying to make contact

[SissyRIanne]

37 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So. Why would you contact them?  This isn't a slight - but there must be SOMETHING about them that made you think, with their lack of information, "this person could be a good Domme for me and totally isn't a scam or empty profile" if it was just messaging someone for the sake of it, this was a wrong approach - there does need to be something!  And with that something, you can kinda work that into your message. 

One thing to think about - your message count shows on your profile  - if your "sent" considerably out numbers your "received" this will look like you've been mass messaging and be off-putting to others. Equally, folk can see you've messaged multiple people in the same day. Obviously, context applies - but if you're having a conversation with a friend your count will look closer together.

This isn't just true for this site; but anywhere in general.    

You're right there is something about those profiles that makes me want to try to start a conversation with them, mainly that they are close enough to where I live that a physical relationship would be possible without the costs of travel getting to high for my student wallet. For distances under 30 km I would be willing to bike there even, but those profiles are very rare, under 100 Km it would be relatively doable to take public transport or even rent a cheap car every now and then to meet up, but if you're talking further then that I basicly see my summer holiday as the only worthwile option to meet up. Also my sent/received ration is not much higher then 1:1 so that shouldn't be that big of a reason either.

[Ky****]

1 hour ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Anyone you connect with should be content to get to know you through this platform first.... I have spent weeks speaking with people here before giving them my private details. And they have become long-term friends. Anyone who is rushing you to Kik or WhatsApp is looking for quick gratification, and likely to fuck off just as quickly after they get it. 

thank you for that advice MsWhiteRose, I think the mistake has been my own in that rather than being pressured to rush off I've been giving my own mobile quite early on in replies.  I hadn't realised that this was offputting being of an age when it was normal to ask for a telephone number.  Its my mistake and I will correct my behaviour.

[qu****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So. Why would you contact them?  This isn't a slight - but there must be SOMETHING about them that made you think, with their lack of information, "this person could be a good Domme for me and totally isn't a scam or empty profile" if it was just messaging someone for the sake of it, this was a wrong approach - there does need to be something!  And with that something, you can kinda work that into your message. 

One thing to think about - your message count shows on your profile  - if your "sent" considerably out numbers your "received" this will look like you've been mass messaging and be off-putting to others. Equally, folk can see you've messaged multiple people in the same day. Obviously, context applies - but if you're having a conversation with a friend your count will look closer together.

This isn't just true for this site; but anywhere in general.    

Whilst this is true it doesn't help that the site encourages members to do this that and the other to collect points,

[Deleted Member]

I'll keep that in mind if I decide to serve a genuine Domme :)

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, Kymi said:

yes that's my dilemma as well, 1 message per 90 days unless they reply, and 1 message to a ew person per day is quite restrictive in terms of trying to make contact

The best way to start communicating with someone is in the public spaces, like the forum, the lobby, or on status updates. If you can win the attention of a Mistress that way, she will sometimes open the conversation with you. 

Honestly, I have never replied to someone who has messaged me cold on this site. 

Another way you can do it is to find someone who will make a recommendation to a Mistress on your behalf. Again, I am more likely to message someone if they come to me via a referral. 

All in all, the best way is to be active on the site and get to know people. 

[Dominantnidge]

So you’re a switch?

[LazyPirate]

11 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Anyone who's conducting a domination session, whether male or female, knows that it's not 'easy'. lt's physically and mentally demanding. 

As someone who is a Dominant leaning switch and also Dom of @LazyPiratesBounty I completely agree (and she sees how much effort I have to put in to mentally and physically be in the right head space as there are times when I’ve not been up to doing any sort of scene so we’ve just spent the time chilling together rather than doing anything else)

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

 

I don't know who put this up under my name, but whoever you are, you have been reported.  I would never say anything like this to anyone.

why did you quote me? 

don't quote me anymore I left that self centred boring post and move on....

[SissyRIanne]

14 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

The best way to start communicating with someone is in the public spaces, like the forum, the lobby, or on status updates. If you can win the attention of a Mistress that way, she will sometimes open the conversation with you. 

Honestly, I have never replied to someone who has messaged me cold on this site. 

Another way you can do it is to find someone who will make a recommendation to a Mistress on your behalf. Again, I am more likely to message someone if they come to me via a referral. 

All in all, the best way is to be active on the site and get to know people. 

While this would definitely work for most of europe, I live very close to the German border in the Netherlands, and somehow there's almost no Dutch dominant woman(especially in my age range, not taken, nonsmoker, overlapping fetish interests) (as a student traveling throughout the netherlands would make even longer distances a lot easier, as I have free public transport in the weekends) so almost all of the dominant woman that I write to live in Germany, and the thing with this site is that all the Germans are on the German part of the site, which means completely different chatrooms, completely different fora, etc. Now I guess I could go over there as well, my German speaking is alright, but my German writing skills have rusted down a lot these last few years, and I honestly prefer English especially since nobody ever taught me any fetish terms in German.

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, SissyRIanne said:

While this would definitely work for most of europe, I live very close to the German border in the Netherlands, and somehow there's almost no Dutch dominant woman(especially in my age range, not taken, nonsmoker, overlapping fetish interests) (as a student traveling throughout the netherlands would make even longer distances a lot easier, as I have free public transport in the weekends) so almost all of the dominant woman that I write to live in Germany, and the thing with this site is that all the Germans are on the German part of the site, which means completely different chatrooms, completely different fora, etc. Now I guess I could go over there as well, my German speaking is alright, but my German writing skills have rusted down a lot these last few years, and I honestly prefer English especially since nobody ever taught me any fetish terms in German.

 

Why have you fixed your age range? Nonsmoker, I agree with. I wouldn't worry too much about overlapping fetish interests yet, either. 

You're treating it like a hunt. It doesn't work well when you do that. I know this site purports to be 'kinky dating' but it's really a community and when   you treat it like a community, you will get a lot more out of it. 

Get to know interesting people without having an agenda. Don't limit yourself to where they live or  how old they are. 

When I joined this site, I put in my  profile that I was only attracted to men  over 40.  I have made a number of new connections and met new play partners, who have all been in their 30s.  And all are over 100km away from  me. 

 

Get to know people, as friends, and see  what develops.