How to attract a genuine Domme

[Wo****]

8 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

 

I don't know who put this up under my name, but whoever you are, you have been reported.  I would never say anything like this to anyone.

 

1 hour ago, FabSeverus said:

why did you quote me? 

don't quote me anymore I left that self centred boring post and move on....

Guys...

I think there's been an error with the quote button!

Breathe......

[Deleted Member]

I really like this topic. It's not an easy one to approach and I've read everyone's posts here. It's a very personal subject. Some of the issues raised such as what is a real Domme could be debated and has, should tributes or gifts be paid has as well and all points raised are valid. 

I believe this thread was more a refining of the desires of a real Domme. If you read MswhiteRose profile now, it reflects this perfectly and is very well worded I might add. Its impossible to define what all real Dommes want, but it is possible to define what this real Domme wants. Some of the responses to the original post and subsequent posts might have been misconstrued as attacks when I dont think they were meant that way, but ultimately I think they actually achieved their intended result. MsRose has successfully defined what she desires from her submissive and should now attract Subs that are looking for a proper romantic relationship. I believe I understand the relationship MsRose wants. I'm very lucky to be in a relationship that matches it. 

There are some really helpful, sensitive and knowledgeable people on this forum. We might all have different kinks but we're all humans with souls (well most of us lol) and feelings. Communication between a dominant and their submissive is absolutely essential for the relationship to work. It's no different in everyday relationships.

Thanks everyone, a great read 😀

[Wo****]

12 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

 

Why have you fixed your age range? Nonsmoker, I agree with. I wouldn't worry too much about overlapping fetish interests yet, either. 

You're treating it like a hunt. It doesn't work well when you do that. I know this site purports to be 'kinky dating' but it's really a community and when   you treat it like a community, you will get a lot more out of it. 

Get to know interesting people without having an agenda. Don't limit yourself to where they live or  how old they are. 

When I joined this site, I put in my  profile that I was only attracted to men  over 40.  I have made a number of new connections and met new play partners, who have all been in their 30s.  And all are over 100km away from  me. 

 

Get to know people, as friends, and see  what develops. 

I gotta disagree with this. We all want different things from here and by setting filters on your profile, surely you increase your chances of finding what you want?

 

Not everyone wants the community aspect, and it is a dating site.

So, depends on what you want really.

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

I gotta disagree with this. We all want different things from here and by setting filters on your profile, surely you increase your chances of finding what you want?

 

Not everyone wants the community aspect, and it is a dating site.

So, depends on what you want really.

 

Unless your filters are so restrictive that there's no one in your pool of options. 

I thought I'd be looking at people who were within 100km of where I live. I haven't found one person within that distance that I would want to meet up with (yet). But I have had wonderful experiences with people further away. 

I'm just saying that it's worth opening your mind to wider possibilities.  You just don't know where or how you're going to meet someone or make a fabulous new friend. 

[helenOfToy]

It's not easy to plan an approach.

I guess my strategy is to be respectful, honest and not demanding. To try and play to my strengths. Attempt to be eloquent without sounding arrogant, and witty without sounding flippant. Just try to be the most interesting and unique version of myself that I can.

Of course so far I have met with no success. I've been quite selective with the Dommes I have approached, but so far none have deemed me worthy of reply. Unfortunately to date every single 'Domme' who has approached me seems to be a scammer, or at least not a practical prospect due to distance.

So I remain patient. I can only advise anyone else in my situation to do the same, male sub is the least advantageous demographic in this kinky world and it's going to take time.

Not all Dommes are the same, and I guess some will respond better to different approaches, of course if the 'right' approach for them is not natural for you, then it's probably not a good match anyway.

[Wo****]

23 minutes ago, MsWhiteRose said:

 

Unless your filters are so restrictive that there's no one in your pool of options. 

I thought I'd be looking at people who were within 100km of where I live. I haven't found one person within that distance that I would want to meet up with (yet). But I have had wonderful experiences with people further away. 

I'm just saying that it's worth opening your mind to wider possibilities.  You just don't know where or how you're going to meet someone or make a fabulous new friend. 

I guess...

Idk, I still just kinda feel like if you know what you want, and you want specific things, then it's different maybe...

 

[Vandalslut]

1 hour ago, FabSeverus said:

why did you quote me? 

don't quote me anymore I left that self centred boring post and move on....

I didn't, Fab - someone put something up with my name on it and I didn't put it up.  The site's had a brain fart.

Edited March 23, 2020 by Vandalslut

[ey****]

14 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

if you know what you want, and you want specific things, then it's different maybe...

I think it's totally fair - but - also, I think it's important that the more specific you want, the harder to find someone.  Which, isn't necessarily a bad thing.  But, definitely involves patience.

[Si****]

I think we can all agree that its a personal choice to use the filters and define who/what we are looking for.

If one wishes to meet others for friendship and new discoveries, they can chose to not use filters and see what happens.

If others Know exactly what they want and what they do not want, then the filters are there to help them define that.

Those who use the filters cant complain when they limit the people they chose exclude, just as those that don't use filters cant complain when people they are not interested in contact them.

each to their own as it were.

[Dreamaway]

13 hours ago, LazyPirate said:

As someone who is a Dominant leaning switch and also Dom of @LazyPiratesBounty I completely agree (and she sees how much effort I have to put in to mentally and physically be in the right head space as there are times when I’ve not been up to doing any sort of scene so we’ve just spent the time chilling together rather than doing anything else)

This is an absolutely lovely comment and comes right to the heart of this BDSM/FETISH thing, it's about the relationship not whoever has which role and should do this or that. We're all individuals and we all like and expect different things from a.n.other. This site can help you achieve what you desire if you ignore all the bullshit.

[Deleted Member]

Yes, every relationship is different in the way the D/s element is practiced and evoked. It's hard to explain but sometimes the best relationship has a very light touch of D/s.

[Phoenyx]

I can fully understand a reluctance to offer gifts or tribute.  Times are tough right now, and "tribute" may not be practical.  What really gets me though, is the total lack of respect in today's Scene.  Messages of merely "Hi" or "Hello" aside, I'll get intros like: "Hey Daddy!  Your [sic] my kind of kinkster.  Come use me, *** me, and f--- me anytime.  Text me, my number is _____"

Breach of protocol aside, they have no idea what a turn-off that is!  It was never this way in my time (or rarely).

[5inchsub]

I find it hard to find a genuine Dom on here and any site to be fair.

i completely agree with you that you have to be yourselves and see if you genuinely like eachother for who they are first before any sexual chemistry can be achieved.

i want nothing more than to find a lifetime relationship with a woman who just happens to dominate me into doing anything she desires.

[Ky****]

@phoenyx could advice

[Sambills123]

Even same I face the problem I don’t want mention name here.... I know the *** 

[Deleted Member]

On 4/12/2020 at 2:23 PM, 5inchsub said:

I find it hard to find a genuine Dom on here and any site to be fair.

i completely agree with you that you have to be yourselves and see if you genuinely like eachother for who they are first before any sexual chemistry can be achieved.

i want nothing more than to find a lifetime relationship with a woman who just happens to dominate me into doing anything she desires.

There are a lot of people here who are looking for the same thing. I think... hmm... the hard truth is that for most people it will stay a dream. A fantasy. But there are things you can do to improve your chances of having a shot at it. 

Firstly, I really recommend seeking out a session with a good Pro Domme to learn if it's what you really want and what kind of domination or kinky play you enjoy. Pro Dommes are not the same as the scammy Findoms. They are professionals. They're highly skilled at what they do. Bugs me that many male subs are so dismissive of them. End of that rant. 

Secondly, make your profile out to look really good. No genuine Domme wants to talk with a blank face avatar. You don't have to be good looking. Do something quirky. Show your true nature. Your profile pic doesn't even have to be kinky but it helps if it makes me smile. And the truth is, I will judge you on your photo. Every time. We just can't help it. 

We also wanna know about your interests and personal qualities. Telling us you want to serve is not enough.  I really don't care about that. There's a long queue of guys who want to serve women like me.  

Third, consider whether you have a submissive nature and how to develop that. Yeah, I'm sick of talking with guys who barge into my inbox with their own agenda and then try to control the direction of the conversation, trying to *** a meet as soon as possible... before I've decided if they're worthy of my attention. Don't be entitled. Be polite. Don't make it all about you. 

[ey****]

2 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Firstly, I really recommend seeking out a session with a good Pro Domme to learn if it's what you really want and what kind of domination or kinky play you enjoy

I might spin this off into another thread - but - I feel there's so many people where the perfect answer is "pay a Pro" - and, it often feels like there's that many excuses it questions on if they actually really want to do it or just like the idea of doing it.  

[Ky****]

15 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I might spin this off into another thread - but - I feel there's so many people where the perfect answer is "pay a Pro" - and, it often feels like there's that many excuses it questions on if they actually really want to do it or just like the idea of doing it.  

hit the nail on the head, judging from their posts many people should get online when this is over and book a session with a pro, just remember that much of what @MsWhiteRosesays about BDSM dating applies there as well, be polite and respectful, yes you can be more assertive than when approaching a partner but treat it as going to a nightclub, just because you're paying doesn't mean you can be abusive and not follow rules

[Si****]

I have to agree with MsWhiteRose. Its not just Domme who get subs barging their inbox.

I get loads of messages from both subs and Doms. Ive had loads of Dom/me messaging me saying they want me to sub for them. Clearly they don't read profiles and that's a big fail straight away. I do worry about the poor subs who end up with Doms who don't bother to put in the effort to even read a profile.

I also get asked to look at their profiles and give feedback. I would if they chatted with me first or tried to be friendly before asking something from me. Its their profile, and as Doms they should just do what they feel is right for them. I always say "don't fake it until you make it" just be yourself and honest.

I then ask them to tell me about themselves and they cant even do that. How can you trust a Dom/me who cant even get their own life in order?

The profile is just like your business card. It the first thing that people see. If they cant be bothered to put in some effort with that, then they wont put in the effort in the other parts of their lives. Its a shame as I'm sure they are nice people letting themselves down.

[SissyRIanne]

The thing about a pro-domme for me is that I'd love to try it sometime to find out wether the fetishes I can't try out on my own are ones I enjoy doing as much as I like thinking about them.
However, I just looked up a pro-domme near me and she asks 200 euros per hour, so if a session would be 3 hours I'd have to pay 600 euros, which for a student like me is not something I can justify, and would much rather use that *** to go on a vacation in the summer and expand my horizon that way, that way that 600 euros will net me 2-3 weeks of fun rather then just 3 hours.

 

Edited April 16, 2020 by SissyRIanne

[helenOfToy]

2 minutes ago, SissyRIanne said:

The thing about a pro-domme for me is that I'd love to try it sometime to find out wether the fetishes I can't try out on my own are ones I enjoy doing as much as I like thinking about them.
However, I just looked up a pro-domme near me and she asks 200 euros per hour, so if a session would be 3 hours I'd have to pay 600 euros, which for a student like me is not something I can justify, and would much rather use that *** to go on a vacation in the summer and expand my horizon that way, that way that 600 euros will net me 2-3 weeks of fun rather then just 3 hours.

I agree that a pro-domme is a very expensive way to learn about your fetishes. Also for me personally, it's not just about the kink and the submission. I would be uncomfortable with that sort of arrangement. I would find submitting to anyone very difficult without a warm and loving connection to them which is simply not going to be there with a pro-domme. I would rather take my time, be patient and learn within the framework of a genuine relationship. It might take years, or even never, but it means more to me than just an itch to scratch.

 

[Ky****]

@SissyRIanne that unfortunately is an issue for us all, sometimes its just a case of biting the bullet and treating it as an exotic experience, oh and I wouldn't recommend 3 hours for a first session, indeed many who see me won't allow it for 1 st time, so maybe an hour is within your reach occasionally, I had same problem

[SissyRIanne]

1 minute ago, Kymi said:

@SissyRIanne that unfortunately is an issue for us all, sometimes its just a case of biting the bullet and treating it as an exotic experience, oh and I wouldn't recommend 3 hours for a first session, indeed many who see me won't allow it for 1 st time, so maybe an hour is within your reach occasionally, I had same problem

The difference for me is that right now I'm studying while taking a loan from the government, in a couple of years when I've finished my degree and have a job with a steady income it becomes a lot easier to justify an expense like that.

[Ky****]

@SissyRIanne so was I the first time, I had to save up for months but it was worth it

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, SissyRIanne said:

The thing about a pro-domme for me is that I'd love to try it sometime to find out wether the fetishes I can't try out on my own are ones I enjoy doing as much as I like thinking about them.
However, I just looked up a pro-domme near me and she asks 200 euros per hour, so if a session would be 3 hours I'd have to pay 600 euros, which for a student like me is not something I can justify, and would much rather use that *** to go on a vacation in the summer and expand my horizon that way, that way that 600 euros will net me 2-3 weeks of fun rather then just 3 hours.

 

@SissyRIanne this is the kind of excuse I grow tiresome of. You have said you would rather use that *** to go on a vacation. Excellent. You are a lucky person that you have choices for how to spend your disposable income. Your choice. But don't complain about not finding a Domme. 

And 200 euros for an hour is reasonable. Don't make me explain why.